The SmarK Rant for Mid-South Wrestling – 05.04.85
So with the Canadian federal election done for another depressing cycle and Prime Minister Blackface somehow still in power while the entire Western half of the country voted for the other guy (as the kids say, EPIC FAIL for Andrew Scheer), what better way to soothe my cold, calculating Conservative black heart than by picking up Mid-South again? Especially now that the Network has added a giant batch of 1985 shows, picking up from where I sadly left off last time. Not that I have anything against 1982, but this is the good shit, pal.
Taped from Shreveport, LA
Your hosts are Jim Ross & Joel Watts. And it’s once again time to pick up the TV Title tournament! Complete with beautiful graphics.
TV Title tournament: Jake Roberts v. Brad Armstrong
Brad is going FISTS AND FIRE right away and Jake wisely slithers away to avoid the fists, the fire, or some combination of both therein. Neither one sounds particularly appealing, to be honest. Brad tries a hammerlock and Jake escapes with a jawbreaker and pounds him with elbows in the corner, then goes to an armbar. Jake escapes from that, but Brad hits him with a pair of slams for two and then takes him down with a hammerlock and works on that. Jake gets to the ropes, so Brad pulls him away and keeps cranking on the arm, but Jake puts him down with the kneelift and they slug it out again. Brad wins that one and gets his own kneelift, then escapes the DDT and slips behind with a sleeper. Jake pushes off on the ropes to break that and gets two, then cuts off a comeback with an EPIC low blow. Like, this level…
…and then BA-BAM, the DDT finishes at 7:00. This was a REALLY good TV match and they had some great chemistry together.
Brickhouse Brown v. Tommy Pritchard
I’m still not sure what song is being replaced on the Network for Brickhouse’s entrance, but the black kids in the audience are certainly into it. I can only assume it’s something by Peter Cetera. The kids loved him in the 80s. Brickhouse dropkicks Pritchard out of the ring to start and then brings him back in for some armdrags until Tommy boots him in the gut to escape. Pritchard misses a legdrop and Brown comes back with a back elbow and monkey flip out of the corner. Brickhouse with an airplane spin and he goes up and finishes with a flying headbutt at 2:55. Pritchard was a totally different worker at this point in his career and it’s interesting how he changed it up once he went to Alabama.
Steve Casey v. Edcar “Boo” Thomas
Man, they just keep on with the Thomas push. Brickhouse is clearly the person that Bill Watts should be getting behind at this point given his obvious intention to replace JYD. Casey quickly gets tripped up by Dr. Death from the outside, but Thomas somehow slips and falls between the ropes, and then falls into Dr. Death and gets pinned at 1:20. I don’t know what the fuck that was, but I’m assuming some of it was intentional because it was a completely ridiculous screwup to put on TV otherwise.
Steve Williams is really disappointed in his protégé Thomas for losing to an Englishman and he’ll beat Casey himself given a chance. Casey is going to learn that it is not OK to be from another country!
Dirty Dutch Mantell v. Private Terry Daniels
Daniels escapes some takedown attempts while Joel gives the hot take that perhaps Dr. Death was at fault for trying to get involved in the match in the first place. That’s commie talk and I hope Cowboy slapped some sense into him after the show. Meanwhile, Dutch gives Daniels an atomic drop into the corner and pounds on him. Running kneedrop gets two. Dutch beats on him with forearms and gets a hella sloppy hotshot on him, and the gourdbuster finishes at 3:15.
Steve Casey joins us at the table to refute Doc’s accusations about him being from England, although his English accent is pretty damning evidence. Regardless, he’s not running away.
The Nightmare v. Richard Dye & Paul Brown
This was supposed to be a tag team match, but Eddie Gilbert declines to take part because the jobbers aren’t worth their time as a tag team. So Eddie does commentary instead, mostly laughing at his own jokes while Nightmare piledrives both geeks and pins them at 1:49. And then he does the ref as well for looking at him sideways, and even Eddie is suddenly out to the ring to call him off.
Dr. Death Steve Williams v. Steve Casey
All right, time for Casey to learn that he should have had the good sense to be born in the good ol’ USA instead of whatever backwater made-up country he’s supposedly from. Doc attacks him in the corner but Casey chases him out of the ring with armdrags and a dropkick. A slingshot back into the ring gets two and he beats on Williams with forearms and a monkey flip for two. Doc puts him down with a kneelift and adds a slam and a bunch of elbows for two. Belly to belly gets two, but Casey is in the ropes, so Williams puts the boots to him further and gets two. Doc with the chinlock, but Casey comes back with a bodypress for two and Doc cuts him off with a kneelift. Doc goes back to the arm and beats on it, then pounds him with headbutts to the shoulder. Blind charge misses, however, and Casey comes back with forearms, but Doc gives him an insane backdrop and boots him down again for two. Doc with a pair of legdrops for two as Casey keeps kicking out. Doc decides to go up and misses a flying forearm, which allows Casey to make the comeback, but he tries a monkey flip and Doc grabs the ropes to block. Doc loads up the loaded armbrace and kills Casey with it, and the OKLAHOMA STAMPEDE finishes at 6:41. Hope any of you no-good Englishmen reading this learned a valuable lesson from that. Also, this was a hell of a fight.
Superstar Bill Dundee & Terry Taylor v. The Dirty White Boys
Hold on a second, before we can start…
BREAKING NEWS WITH COWBOY BILL WATTS
In a horrifying update from a house show, Skandor Akbar has perpetrated the most heinous act of terrorism that Bill has ever seen, and burned Jim Duggan with a fireball. Obviously Bill has never seen Super Showdown if he thinks THAT’S the worst thing to come out of the Middle East. They’re taking Duggan to hospital as we speak, hoping to save his left eye.
OK, so we’re back with the tag team main event in progress, although I’m not sure how much I can concentrate on the match while I’m worried about Duggan’s vision being lost forever. Taylor and Dundee do some babyface cooperation spots, but Dundee accidentally nails Taylor on the apron while they’re attempting a double-team. Back in the ring, Dundee works on Anthony’s arm, but he gets kicked into the corner and the Dirty White Boys double-team Dundee with an elbow and Denton puts the boots to him, but Anthony goes up and misses a kneedrop. Dundee makes the hot tag to Taylor and he fires away on Anthony and gets the figure-four for the submission at 4:34 as TV time runs out.
Next week: Hacksaw Duggan v. Dr. Death in the semi-finals of the TV title tournament! I feel like that one is in jeopardy now. Also the Freebirds and tons of other cool shit.
This was like chicken soup for the soul. Welcome back to the WWE Network, 1985 Mid-South!