The SmarK Rant for Jerry Lawler’s Classic Memphis Wrestling–08.06.19

The SmarK Rant for Jerry Lawler’s Classic Memphis Wrestling – 08.06.19

This one did REALLY well for me last time, so let’s continue on. Also YouTube keeps putting the episodes in my recommended list.

Brought to you by Jerry Lawler’s BBQ!

Another full episode of the Saturday morning show, this time from July 7 1986.

Taped from Memphis, TN

Your hosts are Lance Russell & Dave Brown

The Beach Boys v. Keith Eric & The Inferno

Now I’m a bit confused because last week’s show was supposed to be from January of 86, but this is the debut of the Beach Boys and they were already on the last show. So I’m thinking Jerry Lawler screwed up the date of the previous episode. The Beach Boys are, again, Jonnie Stewart and Van Van Horne, as they wrestle barefoot and in swim trunks. The bigger question is how they can use “I Get Around” for entrance music without YouTube giving them a content match strike. Stewart controls Eric with some generic babyface stuff and a flying headscissors. And then the Inferno (no relation to Fire and/or Flame as far as I know) comes in and gets taken down with armdrags. Over to Van Van Horne and he gets a very sad gourdbuster that looks like he was trying a suplex and lost him, and then a double dropkick finishes at 2:42. I believe Van Van Horne continues to tour as the Beach Boys with John Stamos as his partner.

And then we get PROMO TIME with the Beach Boys and they’re LOOKING FOR BEAUTIFUL WOMEN. Never have I ever been so unconvinced that someone is “looking for women” as I have with Van Van Horne’s promo.

Memphis Vice v. Jerry Garmen & Benny Trailer

Memphis Vice is Jerry Bryant and Lou Winston, but at least they have matching yellow tights with “Totally” and “Awesome” on them. Trailer gets some armdrags on Bryant, but the Vice double-teams Garmen and Winston puts him away with an elbowdrop from the middle rope at 1:30. Luckily for jobbers Ben and Jerry, they were able to leave the business and start an ice cream company.

Bill Dundee is tired of all the boys on the show and looks forward to wrestling the Beach Boys so he can beat their brains in. Sadly, the team of Bill and Budro has now broken up, and Buddy wants his Southern championship belt. They used to travel the road when they were a team, and Dundee would wake up in the car and Buddy would be wearing his belt! Oh man, that’s just over the line. But that was cool with Dundee, because he knows that Buddy can’t lace Ric Flair’s boots and could never win the belt on his own. But now they’re gonna fight in a barbed wire match for the title and he’s gonna mess up Buddy’s pretty face and he’ll still be champion for a long time because he’s the SUPERSTAR. Lance reminds him that JD Costello won’t be saving him, Dundee denies even liking JD. And now he’s gonna make some scrub famous in the ring.

HOT DAMN what a promo Bill Dundee was!

Bill Dundee v. Tracy Smothers

Tracy gets some babyface fire and chases Dundee to the floor immediately, which is awesome because Dundee talks all this shit before the match to make himself look big, and then immediately shows ass so he gets booed. Dundee cheats and pulls hair to take over, then beats on him in the corner and chokes away before going to a chinlock. And the fans are REALLY behind Tracy while he sells, so he makes a comeback with simple stuff and slugs Bill down for two. Dundee makes sure to get in the ropes instead of kicking out. Smothers pounds away on the ropes, but puts his head down and Dundee punches him with a closed fist behind the ref’s back, and then hooks the tights for the pin at 2:44. AMAZING. What a fantastic story told in a simple 3 minute squash.

And then we get a trailer for a movie with Jerry Lawler called “Dig That, Zeebo Newton”. Real thing, apparently.

Jos Leduc, Paul Diamond, Dutch Mantell & Jeff Jarrett v. Baron Von Brauner, Danny Fargo, Pat Rose & Hunter

Very early in the career of JJ, obviously. Shortly after he left his refereeing career, in fact. Pat Rose gets worked over in the babyface corner, which is apparently “The Canadian Connection” due to the presence of LeDuc and Paul Diamond. This must not have lasted long given that the show we saw last week (which obviously took place after this) featured them in a blood feud. Diamond gets a slam on Fargo while the announcers complain that the heels are blocking their view and they have to watch the match on their monitors! Diamond and LeDuc double-team Hunter with a dropkick from Jos for two, and he goes to a bearhug, but Hunter bites out of it. Von Brauner comes in and Dutch elbows him down for the pin at 4:35. Jos LeDuc as a fired up babyface is…odd.

Jos and his buddy Paul Diamond head over for words with Lance, and Paul is really excited about this Canadian Connection team. But Jos decides that today is the day Paul gets inducted into the lumberjack brotherhood, so he finds a pair of hair clippers and a chair and tells Diamond to have a seat so he can give him a clean cut navy look. The fans are SHRIEKING in horror and Diamond isn’t really into that idea either. He thought Jos was ribbing him! Jos explains that his opponents see his bald head and it terrifies his opponent, but when Paul’s opponents see his sissy hair, they think they can beat him. You can’t make main event money with sissy hair! Diamond again protests because he doesn’t want to look like a lumberjack! And he can wrestle fine with long hair. Jos is still pretty sure his short hair theory is correct and tries to cut it again, but Diamond doesn’t want to look like a “bumbling idiot”. Jos corrects him: He’ll look like a CHAMPION. Diamond finally walks away from the haircut and offers a handshake, but of course LeDuc turns on him and lays him out from behind, then runs him into the post and brutalizes him. “Jos Leduc has always been a bit weird” notes Lance in the understatement of the show. And with Diamond unconscious and bleeding, Jos delivers his haircut while the Mod Squad bar the door and prevent anyone from saving. What a nice touch. “He said he didn’t want his hair cut!” protests Lance.

Man, speaking of haircuts, I really hope we get to another couple of epic haircutting shows on this channel. I mean, we GOTTA get the Austin Idol deal and the Hector Guerrero hair cream stuff at some point, right?

The Mod Squad v. Billy Travis & David Haskins

Basher starts with Billy Travis, who gets some offense because he’s traditionally the pushed jobber, and Billy controls with armdrags, but makes the mistake of tagging in the unpushed jobber and the Mods destroy him. Various slams and legdrops are delivered, and they toss him for some verbal abuse from JD Costello and a slam on the floor. Billy Travis helps him back in and the Mods continue with a suplex on Haskins and a bunch of elbowdrops. They finish him with a Hart Attack at 4:34. The Mods got a minor push in the shambling zombie corpse days of Central States later on, but then disappeared into territorial purgatory.

The Fabulous Ones v. Strong Machine & Abdul Gadaffi

Oh man, a jobber named ABDUL GADAFFI. That’s so 1986. Apparently it was veteran journeyman Dan Miller, who started in 1955. I’m assuming Strong Machine is not Junji Hirata. He’s a pretty small guy for someone with that name, too. The Fabs trade off on Machine’s knee after holding off “the big Libyan” for a bit, but Gadaffi manages to drop an elbow on Lane for two. It turns into a brawl and the Fabs double-team both guys and put away Gadaffi with a double clothesline at 4:01. Man, this run for the Fabs cannot have lasted long.

Paul Diamond is out with his new haircut, and it actually looks better. I guess Jos Leduc is a pretty good barber after all. But he’s gonna get his revenge on Jos THIS MONDAY NIGHT.

I LOVE THIS SHOW. I wanna go back in time and watch this every week in Memphis. Just putting it out there.