It’s two days after Summerslam, we’re in Phoenix, AZ and I’ve had no sleep thanks to babies teething so I’m definitely reading for a ten year old C-Show episode.
Dramatic recap of the formation of Regal’s Ruthless Roundtable and Christian’s subsequent eight-second victory over Master William. Despite Striker calling them The Roundtable, WWE didn’t get the memo and are still referring to them as Willie & His Mates in the graphics. But it doesn’t matter as Regal gets bags of heat just standing in the middle of the ring pulling this face.
Christian shows up to debunk Regal’s request for a rematch by simply repeating “eight seconds.” Tiffany shows up to tell us she wants “less talk and more action” so I listened to her and hit fast-forward.
Sheamus vs. Goldust
The feud is currently 2-1 Sheamus for those interested in that sort of thing. Sheamus slaps his opponent while yelling C’MON GOLDY and they rough-house to make you think it’s going to be intense and then Sheamus goes to the chinlock ten seconds later. I’d like to know how and why they decided he was ready for WWE. Sheamus drops elbows while Striker goes on about THE IRISH CURSE, THE LUCK OF THE IRISH and all the other lines Dublin lads drop when they wanna fuck a tourist. Goldust attempts a comeback but Sheamus kicks out of a Flatliner and both men brawl outside until they’re both counted out.
Winner: No-one (Wasn’t good but at least they’re trying to do something with Sheamus even though he’s greener than goat-shit.)
The Hurricane vs. Paul Burchill is getting a rematch so hot it can only be found on WWE Superstars. New interviewer Courtney Taylor talks to the happy couple (the Burchills) with Paul wondering if she’ll last longer than her predecessor (spoiler: no) and revealing Hurricane won’t be able to save HIMSELF next time they meet. At least the Helms feud has energised Paul’s promos.
Shelton Benjamin & Zack Ryder vs. Yoshi Tatsu & Tyler Reks
“Zack Ryder has over 5,000 friends on WWE Universe dot com” oh fuck remember when WWE saw FaceBook and thought “yeah we can do that”? The crowd is like this blog and only pop for Yoshi’s theme AND SPEAKING OF WHICH:
Shelton starts with Reks and we immediately get a Sunset Flip followed by a catapult into a crossbody off the middle rope, so I’m guessing this isn’t going long. Despite the fast start the crowd is so quiet that when Ryder yells “WOOO WOOO WOOO” obnoxiously loud, you can hear the echo ricocheting off the back of the arena. Shelton tries to tag out but Ryder was too busy sorting action figures to notice so Shelton knocks Reks down and NOW Ryder is OK with tagging in. Ryder tags back in after a double crossbody and ignores Shelton’s request to bring Reks to him so by the time he gets in, he’s tagged out to Yoshi. Tatsu kicks Shelton while Striker informs us “those are Fighting Spirit cries you can hear.” I hate Striker sometimes as I’m worried I’ve spoken like him and people were listening. Shelton has enough of Zack and dumps him in the ring so Ryder pushes him out allowing Yoshi to kick Ryder’s head in.
Winners: Yoshi Tatsu & Tyler Reks (Frosty reception aside, everyone was trying (even Reks) and it told an alright story which involved Ryder getting beat up.)
Shelton is OK with the loss and demonstrates this by delivering The Paydirt to Ryder.
We get an extended look at Summerslam and CHRIST look at the 2009 celebrities: Booboo Stewart, Verne Troyer, Gilles Marini and Josh Kaplan (who isn’t even on the first page of the Google search for “Josh Kaplan”).
Christian vs. William Regal
If Regal wants a title rematch, he’s gotta beat Christian tonight. Regal removes his robe very quickly so Christian can’t steal a victory like he did at Summerslam in a nice touch. Some lovely chinlocks and struggle to start with Regal’s facial expressions making simple things look like a matter of life and death. Willie gets sent outside thanks to a baseball slide but as Christian thinks about going for a crossbody, The Roundtable block it with a stare.
After a commercial break (go watch The Day Shall Come, it’s good!) Regal is having his way with Christian until he misses The Knee Trembler and Christian nearly puts him away with his swanky Sunset Flip. Regal heads outside and stupid Christian follows and splats off the apron.
Regal demands the ref count Christian out but he makes it in at 9 and a bit. Both men start slugging away with Regal’s strikes winning and despite getting the most heat tonight, the REGAL SUCKS chants still aren’t loud enough to drown out Willie’s spot-calls. The tepid reaction is enough to get Christian out of the strikes and into the comeback zone and a Tornado DDT has both of them sweating to death. Seriously, Regal’s dripping like a knackered fridge. After backdropping Willie outside, Christian slaps Kozlov which causes Zeke to distract the ref, Regal to counter the Killswitch, Kozlov to headbutt Christian down low, Regal to land The Knee Trembler and the referee to count three.
Winner: William Regal And His Merry Men (Decent match that felt like the first one of a series with Christian quickly learning he shouldn’t slap Kozlov right in the face and expect nothing to happen.)
Overall: There’s nothing immediately thrilling on the show but the fact there’s three feuds and they’re making the most out of whichever gym-partner-of-an-important-wwe-person is exactly what the show needs as it rebuilds everything right before it falls apart. So in short, watch for Regal.
I’ve been maffew and i’m going to bed.