The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN–09.24.99

The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 09.24.99

Taped from Buffalo, NY. OK, so the bingo hall show last week was just a stopgap, I guess.

Your hosts are Joey Styles & Joel “The ladies call me Fred Flintstone because I make the bed rock” Gertner

Tommy Dreamer joins us to start, still aligned with Francine in that weird pairing that never worked. And she’s getting REALLY grossly thin by this point, with her ribs literally sticking out through her dress. So Joel tells Tommy that he should retire if he’s too injured to work, and brings out Miss Congeniality (an even trashier pre-WWE Lita), who is managing Danny Doring & Roadkill. And I guess this is a title match?

ECW tag team titles: Tommy Dreamer v. Danny Doring & Roadkill

They quickly double-team Tommy and set up for their finish, but Raven runs in for his usual DDT and pins Doring at 1:18 to retain. For those wondering, no, this storyline never particularly went anywhere.

We hit the intro and return with Tommy calling out Raven, who just saved his ass from getting squashed by DANNY DORING AND ROADKILL, but Raven teases a confrontation and then leaves again.

Meanwhile, at Anarchy Rulz, Taz lost the ECW World title to Mike Awesome in a surprise triple threat match that would have perhaps been more effective had it been advertised in advance. And I guess we’re going to watch the match now because taping new stuff is hard.

ECW World title: Taz v. Masato Tanaka v. Mike Awesome

This was advertised as Taz defending against Tanaka, but Mike Awesome and Judge Jeff Jones yell at Taz from the audience, so Taz invites Awesome into the match while the crowd tells him that he sold out for signing with the WWF. Taz suplexes both guys and gets booed by the fickle crowd, but the two challengers double-team him in the corner. Awesome turns on Tanaka with an Awesomebomb and goes up, but Taz brings him down with a capture suplex. Tanaka hits Taz with an elbow from behind and Awesome splashes Taz for the pin at 1:39 to eliminate the champion. And I guess they’ll show the rest later.

Little Guido v. Super Crazy

Joey has laryngitis, so Joel is doing all the commentary himself tonight. The FBI was such a bizarre gimmick transition, because it started out with a funny meta-commentary on ethnic gimmicks in wrestling by having Tracy Smothers and JT Smith involved as “Italians”, and then eventually just turned into real Italians and went all the way around back to actual stereotyping again. Crazy flips away from Guido, who bails to escape, and he comes back in walks into a backbreaker. Back to the floor, so Crazy baseball slides him and they fight into the crowd, where Crazy hits him with a moonsault into the front row. Whoever mic’ed the ring should be flayed, because it goes BANG BANG BANG every time someone takes a bump. Crazy with a superplex for two and he does a nice surfboard and then rolls around the ring with it before bending him backwards. Lionsault misses and Guido gets a full nelson cradle for two, and goes to a chickenwing before tossing Crazy for some abuse from Big Sal. Crazy gets SQUASHED into the railing and Guido gets two from that. Crazy blocks a rollup, but Guido takes him down with a Fujiwara armbar and goes up with the Sicilian slice for two. Guido takes the ref for some interference and Sal comes in and powerbombs Crazy, and that gets two for Guido. Guido chokes him out in the corner, but Crazy tries a headscissors out of the corner and Guido plants him on his face for two. Crazy comes back with a dramatic swinging DDT for two and follows with a springboard moonsault, but Guido gets the knees up. Sal comes in to take care of him again, but Crazy escapes the powerbomb this time and then hits Guido with a brainbuster to finish at 8:49. Good fast-paced match. ***1/4

And then Spike Dudley comes out and pins Big Sal with the Acid Drop as well. Joel tells us not to be fooled by cheap imitations of the “Giant Killer”. Who were they taking a shot at there, I wonder?

We take a break and return with a random brawl with the Impact Players against Jerry Lynn and RVD, but Johnny Smith comes out to make it 3-on-2, at which point Sabu saves and then turns on RVD and then takes out Justin Credible.

And then MORE people are randomly brawling, and this time New Jack comes out (with generic replacement for his music) and throws some weapons around in wide angle. And we move on.

And finally, we go back to Anarchy Rulz, with Mike Awesome announced as the new champion, as Taz gives him the belt and puts him over. Didn’t help, as Awesome was apparently a complete flop as champion right from the start even though he looked like someone who should have been the top guy.

God, this show was a complete mess, feeling like another one where they rushed through production and took random bits from the taping with no actual storyline to anything. There was basically one match and then you had random bits from the PPV and two segments in a row where a bunch of people were brawling for no reason with no explanation. Yeah, this time Joey had laryngitis, but the show is only a month old at this point and already it’s excuse after excuse and most of the shows seem to be comprised of highlights from other shows.

Well, at least the one match was pretty good.