As Cameron Archer pointed out last week, Sci-Fi had re-branded to Syfy earlier in 2009 but AFAIK no-one ever called it ECW on Syfy and I’m not prepared to be the first.
edit: a quick google reveals a lot of people called it that so HEY let’s re-brand.
Christian vs. Shelton Benjamin
Christian is facing ECW Champion at Night Of Champions after beating Kozlov last week via removed turnbuckle dunk. Crowd don’t sound enthused at the idea of this match but quickly pipe up once Shelton lands on his feet on an attempted monkey flip and press slams Christian over his head (brah). Christian comes back with an elbow off the top and here comes Kozlov to distract so Shelton yeets him off the top rope to the outside. Kozlov powerwalks past him, smiling like a happy tank.
We come from break and Kozlov is on commentary to make us pay attention for the first time in weeks. He explains last week was “accident!” as Christian continues to get his shoulder pummelled by Shelton. Crowd isn’t reacting so Christian only gets two from a Missile Dropkick. Christian ducks the Playmaker and French Grapes Shelton across the middle rope. He gets such a near-fall from a Tornado DDT that the crowd boos because they thought it was over. Or they want it to be over. Shelton manages the Spider-Man leap to the top rope to deliver a Divorce Court but it only gets two. Don’t think I’ve ever seen that. Shelton counters the Killswitch into a shoulder ram into the turnbuckle, allowing him to hit Paydirt for the…win? Oh!
Winner: Shelton Benjamin (They went hard (ALL DAY AND NIGHT) but the crowd didn’t care. Shelton went from getting squashed by Yoshi to beating the #1 Contender in three weeks so he’s living the one-player mode from Punch-Out.)
Ezekiel Jackson is interviewed about his win last week and he’s wearing a knock-off Affliction shirt to remind you it’s 2009. He says he’s happy to be away from Brian Kendrick
but for some reason doesn’t get the urge to eat an entire pack of Pringles anymore so he can prove himself.
Yoshi Tatsu vs. Paul Burchill
Sister-Fucker gets the “already in the ring” entrance. Josh asks Striker what “Japanese Strong” is and sadly Striker doesn’t reply with “it means he can no-sell a German Suplex.” Crowd reacts well to Yoshi but Paul’s so dull so they immediately lose interest. Paul has to yell at them during the chinlock to get a response. Yoshi makes a comeback but:
Paul fails to catch him, something Yoshi would remember when he wrestled Volador Jr. Paul argues with the ref and then Yoshi kicks him to win.
Winner: Yoshi Tatsu (Crowd are gradually liking Yoshi but Matt Striker better not yell “are you Karate Kid-ding me?” if he wants the TV audience to like him.)
Tyler Reks and Tiffany talk backstage and NOPE.
Goldust vs. Zack Ryder
Goldust’s ECW debut and they can’t do the “widescreen” look for his entrance now everything is widescreen so they squish the aspect ratio instead to give him his Black Reign physique. Before this, he was teaming with Hornswoggle on Raw so he’s one of the few draft picks to get a push by going to ECW. Crowd loves him because he’s Goldust and he gives Ryder a Butt-Butt to send him to the outside. Ryder snaps Dust’s face on the top rope and delivers a Kanemoto face-wash. Jesus, Goldust here was older than the guy who invented that spot. He gets his quick powerslam and then rolls away to get a breather, something pointed out well by Striker who could be good when given stuff to talk about to make himself sound smart. Manhattan Drop followed by a second rope Bionic Elbow gets two but Ryder begs off and sends Goldust into the turnbuckle to set up the Zack Attack and the pin.
Winner: Zack Ryder (Goldust’s in-ring work was fine but he’s not yet decided if he’s bad or Goodust.)
Sheamus vs. Roman Cornell
This is Roman’s only match on cagematch so there’s a good chance this review will be the top result for “roman cornell wrestler” soon. Sheamus ends a quick squash with the Irish Curse and smiles a lot.
Tommy Dreamer vs. Kozlov
Crowd chants “U-S-A” and they’re still quiet. Kozlov shrugs off Dreamer’s offence and yells, so Dreamer kicks him low and gets a cheeky roll-up in a funny moment. Kozlov recovers with bear-hugs and head-butts so the crowd can get their “U-S-A” chant reprise. Kozlov misses a kick on the outside and ends up striking the ring-post which eventually turns into an unlikely rolling Jackknife roll-up from Dreamer. Tommy tries jumping off the top but Kozlov bonks him while he’s coming down and ends with The Iron Curtain.
Winner: Kozlov (Match was a nothing-arse four minute bunch of moves that did nothing for no-one but the roll-up was lovely.)
Overall: Shelton vs. Christian should be an easy recommendation but the crowd was completely dead the whole episode and it impacted an already un-stellar episode of sudden change with Shelton and Kozlov suddenly winning after losses. Skip this one unless you’re Roman Cornell, wrestler.
I’ve been Maffew and something I’ve typed that’s slightly more exciting than this was my look at Onita vs. Sasuke II from 2003. Featuring exploding GIFs!