The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN–09.17.99

The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 09.17.99

We open with clips of Raven running in at the last second, again, to hit a DDT on Rhino and allow Dreamer to retain the ECW tag team titles at the ECW Arena. Pretty good gig for Raven, actually, as Tommy gets destroyed for 10 minutes and Raven just runs out and looks like the hero.

Cyrus has HOT NEWZ, announcing that Sabu has been reinstated to wrestling, and it makes him SICK. But he’s facing Justin Credible at Anarchy Rulz this Sunday, all in the name of buyrates and corporate greed. Well, it failed, because they didn’t draw a buyrate.

Taped from the ECW Arena in Philly. I’m a little disappointed they’re already going with that crutch so early. Because the bingo hall looks like, well, a bingo hall compared to the first couple of episodes in Queens. I think they actually taped in Buffalo and then scrapped them for whatever reason.

Your hosts are Joey Styles and Joel “I bring you tonight’s show from the heart of South Philly, and I’m here with the man who has less talent than Milli Vanilli” Gertner. And people say MY references are dated!

PN News v. Little Spike Dudley

PN does a funny “rap” before the match, trolling the crowd with the “Yo baby yo baby yo” stuff. Acid Drop and we’re out at 0:23.

BREAKING NEWS: Someone has been injured and is being taken away in an ambulance, but that’s all the information we have.

Tajiri v. Super Crazy

Tajiri tosses Crazy and follows with a dive, but misses the missile dropkick in the ring and Crazy slugs away in the corner as we get the Kevin Dunn “zoom and shake” special from the camera. Tajiri comes back with a handspring elbow and a bridging german suplex for two. Crazy gets a stiff powerbomb for the pin at 2:31. All action but ridiculously short. **1/2

You know what’s NOT short? Raven’s promo here, as he recaps the entire feud with Tommy Dreamer, complete with clips. The whole pregnancy deal was a bit of a sore spot with TNN, by the way. Meanwhile, Paul Heyman was already pissed off because they were spending all their money and effort on RRRRRRRRRRRRROLLERJAM. So the relationship was already off to a great start less than a month in.

ECW TV Title: Rob Van Dam v. Lance Storm

So it turns out that Jerry Lynn is in the one in the ambulance and “rushed to hospital”, allegedly at the hands of the Impact Players, so they tease not delivering the match that they promised they would deliver last week. Lance attacks and gets a missile dropkick right away, and crotches Rob on the top rope, but he grabs a chair and stands there holding it like a doofus so that Rob can come back with a Van Daminator on him. So at this point Justin Credible runs in for the DQ at 1:14, along with the random inclusion of Johnny Smith from All Japan, and although Jerry Lynn makes the save, he gets beaten down as well. That Smith thing went NOWHERE.

Back from the break, and RVD is pissed off about having the title match ripped away again, so he challenges Lynn to their title match RIGHT NOW.

ECW TV title: Rob Van Dam v. Jerry Lynn

They slug it out to start and clothesline each other off the stalemate sequence and then tumble to the floor. Rob sends him into the crowd and tries tossing a chair at him, but Jerry throws it back in Rob’s face and bulldogs Rob off the railing and onto a chair in the front row. Back in, Rob comes back with the split legged moonsault for two. Rob goes to work on the injured ribs and we get another chair involved, but Rob gets a missile dropkick for two. Rob tries the monkey flip, but Lynn powerbombs him onto the chair for two. They fight over a suplex and Lynn gets a german for two. They fight on the apron and Rob suddenly clotheslines him down and through the table at ringside in a good spot. So at this point all the refs come down and try to stop the match so Lynn can continue being rushed to the hospital. But then Jerry fights them off and continues the match. So Rob suplexes him back in for two. Rob grabs the chair, but Lynn dropkicks it in his face for two. Cradle piledriver is reversed by RVD, but Lynn gets a DDT for two. Lynn charges and gets kicked in the ribs, but Rob goes up and Lynn crotches him and follows with a superplex that gets two. Rob with a small package for two, but Lynn reverses for two. Lynn with a rollup for two, but Fonzie hits him with the chair on the kickout and Rob pops up with the frog splash, which misses. Lynn gets two off that. But then he grabs the chair and Rob hits the Van Daminator for the pin at 13:43. And even with the molten hot crowd ready for the title change and a great comeback story, Jerry jobs again, LOL. Match was pretty excellent, though. ****

And then they advertise RVD v. Johnny Smith at the PPV, but that didn’t happen. Also, they advertise a mystery tag team challenging for the belts against Raven and Dreamer, but that didn’t happen either. In fact, Raven and Dreamer weren’t even on the show. Also, the Taz v. Tanaka title match got changed to a three-way. So, you know, another day in the life of Paul Heyman booking in 1999.