The SmarK Rant for Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling–01.11.86

The SmarK Rant for Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling – 01.11.86 (01.04.86)

I feel like I abandoned this run after just doing the one show, so we’ll pick it up again. Again, please note that dates are off by a week on these due to indexing silliness, so this would actually be the January 4 show.

Your hosts are Bob Caudle & Johnny Weaver

Taped from somewhere in the Carolinas.

BREAKING NEWS! Dusty Rhodes has “defeated” Buddy Landel to win the National title in “Albuquerque” in a real match that totally happened, you guys! Unrelated to this development, I’m sure, but Buddy is gone from the territory. Were I to hazard a guess, I’d say it was drugs.

Magnum TA welcomes anyone who is man enough to try and relieve him of the US title, and he might also win Flair’s title too.

The Midnight Express v. Pez Whatley & Pat Tanaka

Bobby shares a hug and kiss on the cheek with Cornette before the match to get the crowd all riled up, but Pez gets some shine with dropkicks on both Express guys. Over to pudgy young Tanaka and he gets immediately cut off and battered in the MX corner. “Truly they are, uh, World champion…ship, uh, quality…people…there in the Midnight Express.” PUT THE FUCKING WHISKEY BOTTLE DOWN, JOHNNY. Seriously, it’s like having your drunk uncle on commentary. Meanwhile, Cornette encourages his team by yelling “Come on, beat on that stupid Jap!” and calling the fans a bunch of rednecks. Bobby slams Tanaka and hits the Alabama Jam, and Dennis adds a brainbuster to finish at 3:39. Bobby must have been happy to be in a real arena so he doesn’t have to worry about hitting his head on the lights in Techwood.

Dusty Rhodes and his National title are here and he wants to point out that Buddy “couldn’t stand the heat and now he’s off licking his wounds somewhere”, which is of course wrestling code for “Walked out on the territory”. Meanwhile, Dusty is wearing a giant fur coat for some reason, which we get to hear about FOR THE ENTIRE FUCKING EPISODE.

Tully Blanchard is here to make fun of Dusty’s $27,000 coat and complain that no one is talking about Tully. And by the way, where was Baby Doll last week? She claims that he gave her a ticket to Acapulco as a Christmas present, via JJ Dillon. Tully claims to know nothing about Dillon, and tells Baby Doll to stand back and stay quiet. Well we know where that’s about to go.

Magnum TA v. Tommy Lane

Belly to belly, goodbye, at 0:25.

Ronnie Garvin v. The Golden Terror

Garvin takes the Terror down and then just chops the shit out of him before finishing with the knockout punch at 0:35. I didn’t even have time to make fun of the Terror’s name and/or gear!

Superstar Billy Graham and he’s got his tropic suntan going and 24” pythons and more moves than a bowl of Jell-O. You could literally put a blond wig on him and have Hollywood Hogan.

Cowboy Ron Bass v. Tony Zane

Bass grabs a facelock but Zane slugs out of it, so Bass gives him a running punch and Zane completely forgets to sell it. Yeesh. So Bass beats him down with elbows and goes to a facelock on the mat while the announcers speculate that JJ might be trying to drive a wedge between Tully and Baby Doll. I can’t even imagine why he’d want to do that. Bass finishes this pasty doofus with the claw at 2:00. Even by Crockett jobber standards, Zane looked terrible here.

Sam Houston & Pez Whatley are both looking forward to 1986. Pez is very excited about the year but I have no fucking clue what he’s talking about. He makes Manny Fernandez seem like a mellow guy here. Perhaps less cocaine before the promo would prove helpful.

JJ Dillon is now making Dusty Rhodes into a marked man after stealing the National title from Buddy Landel. But first, Jimmy Valiant. I love how everyone has to mention Dusty before they even get to plug their own shit.

The Rock N Roll Express v. George South & Gene Ligon

Quality jobbers here, thankfully. Ricky and Robert switch off on South with headlocks and double-team him in the corner, but Jim Cornette comes out and yells at Ricky while he hits South with a flying fist. Over to Ligon, who misses a blind charge on Ricky, and the RNR go to work on his knee while Cornette complains that nothing is being shown to him here that would indicate a challenge for the Midnights. The jobbers double-team Ricky for a bit, but he fights them off and finishes with the double dropkick at 2:55. This brings Cornette in for distraction, and of course the Midnights storm in and attack from behind and beat the hell out of Ricky with the tennis racket. Good stuff all around here, with a good squash and a good little angle to heat up the Midnights’ impending title switch.

Ric Flair would also like to mock Dusty’s stupid fur coat. He’s still got the original 10 pounds of gold, here, by the way. I thought they switched to the Big Gold Belt before 1986?

Jimmy Valiant and he would also like to talk about Dusty Rhodes, who he loves more than his wife and is apparently Jimmy’s blood brother. When they meet eyes, they have a warm feeling for each other. OK, that’s a tad…disturbing.

The Barbarian v. Rocky King

Barbarian easily overpowers King and gets a press slam. King fights back and Barbarian just stands there no-selling it, then hits a big boot and legdrop. Powerslam and flying headbutt finish at 2:56.

Sam Houston & Pez Whatley are back again for some reason, with nothing new to add, but thank Christ we get one whole interview segment without someone putting over Dusty Rhodes.

The Andersons would first like to talk about Dusty Rhodes (GODDAMMIT!) and his coat, but they’re the best because they’ve got the National tag team titles. Those belts would kind of vanish soon after this, actually. So we get some footage of Flair and the Andersons triple-teaming Dusty Rhodes after Arn takes out Manny Fernandez with a chair to the head. Arn: “I don’t care about Manny, Bob Caudle, we’re strictly Anglo-Saxon and we’ve got no time for a half-breed.” Hey, it was the 80s.

The Russians v. Jim Jeffers, Ricky Reeves & Stoney Burke

Jeffers gets triple-teamed by the Russians to start, but Krusher lets Reeves come in and beats on him as well. I’ve never seen Reeves before but he’s got a good look for a jobber, like a bigger Rocky King or smaller Ron Simmons. He gets a bit of shine on Ivan and Burke comes in and gets killed. Nikita drops a leg on him and adds a Sickle for the pin at 3:41.

Jim Cornette would like to apologize for hurting Ricky’s shoulder with the tennis racket, because he actually wanted to BREAK his shoulder. Really, he was tired of the Rock N Rolls ducking his team, so he decided to take things in his own hands. And hey, worst case scenario, Ricky gets injured and vacates the titles and they win a tournament instead.

And we wrap it up, despite being promised the Road Warriors in the opening of the show. Well, we got 18 mentions of Dusty Rhodes instead, that’ll have to suffice, I guess.