The SmarK Rant for WWF Sunday Night Heat–07.25.99

The SmarK Rant for WWF Sunday Night Heat – 07.25.99

The video package plays up the END OF AN ERA at Fully Loaded, but this is also the end of the era for the Heat reviews, because we’ve hit the end of them.

Live from Buffalo, NY

Your hosts are Kevin Kelly & Michael Cole

Val Venis v. Joey Abs

Val’s pre-match promo spiel is pretty weak, comparing the Big Valbowski to Hilary Clinton. Val slugs away on Joey to start, but walks into a sideslam and Abs beats on him in the corner. Val comes back with the corner clotheslines for two, but Joey gets a DDT and then misses an elbow. They slug it out and Val gets a spinebuster and comes back with a Russian legsweep. The Posse trips him up from the outside and gives him a quick beatdown on the floor, so Test runs in to save and Val gets the Blue Thunder Bomb on Abs to finish at 3:20. Not much to say about this one.

Meanwhile, on RAW, Kane’s alliance with the Undertaker ends after a week when he turns on him and rejoins X-Pac. Probably should have stuck with Undertaker.

And now, we recap the career and self-destruction of D-X , and then we get dueling interviews with both halves of the Battle for D-X tag team match. The babyfaces are in it for loyalty, and the heels are in it for the cash. It’s like a microcosm of WCW v. WWF!

Meanwhile, Meat has a match tonight, but he’s exhausted from fucking Terri so hard. No, really.

Meat v. The Godfather

Godfather has pretty much got the whole routine down now. Godfather beats on Meat in the corner, but misses the Ho Train. Meat goes for a slam but falls backwards because of his sex exhaustion, and Godfather gets two. A second Ho Train hits, setting up the Pimp Drop to finish at 2:05. Terri is so upset by this failure that she grabs a pitcher of water and dumps it down his trunks. HILARITY.

Meanwhile, HHH sits down for an interview with JR, and it’s finally time for things to be about him. No more Clique, no more D-X. He’s gonna SHOOT with this interview! All he did was say goodbye to his friends Kevin Nash and Scott Hall, and he got punished because no one else could be. HE IS THE GAME. It’s his time! To hell with everyone at Summerslam, including Jesse Ventura! So there you go, the next 25 years of HHH summed up in one promo. It’s a really famous promo, but I wouldn’t really call it a particularly good one.

Meanwhile on RAW, GTV catches the Mystery Men cast talking about Debra’s puppies. Janeane Garafolo heard she’s really big into dog rescue. Mystery Men is a seriously underrated movie, by the way, spoofing all the tropes that didn’t really go mainstream until years later.

Christian v. Viscera

Apparently Edge won the IC title the night before at Skydome, which is one of those title reigns that has kind of been lost to history. Mostly because he was only champion for one day. Viscera no-sells all of Christian’s offense and pounds him down, but he misses a sitdown splash. Christian gets some shots in the corner but Vis gets a spinebuster. Christian tries a crucifix and gets squished, but Gangrel runs down and spits viscous red liquid in Viscera’s face, allowing Christian to get a rollup for the pin at 2:50. Apparently this is a shocking occurrence but then I’ve completely lost track of what this Brood storyline was supposed to be about anyway.

And we wrap up with the hard sell for the Austin-Undertaker match, and then head back for an interview with Austin, which Undertaker interrupts with a sneak attack that busts Austin open.

A fittingly dull finish to this series that summed up the worst instincts of Russo. Hopefully they don’t add any more for a while, but I probably won’t be that lucky.