The SmarK Rant for Mid-South Wrestling–04.27.85

The SmarK Rant for Mid-South Wrestling – 04.27.85

OK, we come to the end of the Mid-South content on the Network for now, and although I promised to go back to 1984 once I was done with this year…I dunno. These are pretty low-performing rants and I feel like it might be best to leave it alone for a while. Leave the field fallow for a season, if you will.

Taped from Shreveport, LA

Your hosts are Boyd Pierce & Bill Watts

Meanwhile, in New Orleans on April 16, Terry Taylor defends the North American title against Kamala in a UGANDAN DEATH MATCH, which has proven to Cowboy that Terry is a real man and a real North American champion. Kamala misses a splash and Taylor gets a sleeper, but the ref is bumped and Akbar comes in for the ol’ riding crop to the throat and things look bleak for our Rooster. Kamala goes up to finish him off for good, but Hacksaw Duggan runs in and nails him with the 2×4 and Taylor beats the count to win. Back at the studio, Watts is double impressed because Akbar is a former North American champion himself, and not “some panty waste manager”. I’m like “WUT?” but I looked it up, and sure enough he held the belt for six months at the end of 1974.

Mid-South TV title tournament: Hacksaw Duggan v. Tom Pritchard

Winner of this advances to face Dr. Death, and Dutch Mantel is lurking at ringside for some reason. Young Tommy runs away from Duggan for a bit and tries a sneak attack on the ropes, but Duggan hits him with a shoulderbreaker into a slam, and Pritchard wisely bails to escape certain doom, but then he doesn’t return and Duggan wins by countout at 1:41. Bill is so flummoxed by this stupid move that he calls Mantel “Dutch Savage”. Wrong Dutch, Bill.

Back from the break, and Watts questions Tom’s motivations in walking out, so Pritchard says that he wanted to avoid injury from an angry Duggan, so he took the countout loss instead of getting pinned. The feathered 80s hair on Pritchard just doesn’t work.

Kamala v. Thor

Thor tries a shoulderblock and gets nowhere, so Kamala chops the shit out of him and chokes him down, then finishes with the big fat splash at 2:00.

Meanwhile, Bill Watts goes off on another rant about wrestling today, what with all the stupid shit airing on 20/20 and Titan Sports bringing rock stars and celebrities into the sport and making a mockery out of it. In fact, lots of people now ask him “Is wrestling real?”, and Bill is like “Of course it is, you jerks!” and throws to an interview with Butch Reed where he’s sporting a swollen eye. He’s not a Hollywood actor or an “overweight pachyderm from Titan Sports”, he’s a REAL ATHLETE. Of course, the irony of Watts bitching about all this stuff and then presenting big fat Randy Colley stuffed into an Assassin mask like a sausage as his new top heel is likely lost on him. Not to mention Kamala, who’s worse than most of the freakshow acts Vince was presenting at that point.

Jake Roberts & The Barbarian v. Richard Dye & Paul Brown

Thank god Jake and all the people from Mid-South would never sell out and go to the circus of the WWF. Or Ted Dibiase. Or Hacksaw Duggan. Or Butch Reed. Jake takes Brown down and quickly twists him with a neck vice, and Barbarian comes in and throws the geeks about as gracefully as Sid on amphetamines. “Sure, they know how to fall, but you can’t learn to fall from seven feet in the air without hurting your kidneys and having blood in your urine and prostate trouble!”

TOO MUCH INFORMATION.

Barbarian finishes with the full nelson at 2:46.

Meanwhile, Watts is like AND ANOTHER THING, the other day I’m watching TITAN SPORTS and here’s King Kong Bundy claiming to have invented the five count in the WWF when we all know that was in Mid-South first. And here’s a clip of Steve Williams powerslamming and pinning him in 1983. BECAUSE FUCK YOU KING KONG BUNDY AND FUCK YOU TITAN SPORTS.

Brickhouse Brown v. The Wrestler

Sadly it’s not a tag team match with his partner, Inside Wrestling. Watts wants to clarify that Brickhouse is for real, 100% blood. Shouldn’t he be wearing red gear, then? Brown takes The Wrestler down with armdrags and works on that, but the Wrestler goes up to the middle rope…and then changes his mind and comes down so that Brown can make his comeback with dropkicks. Flying headbutt finishes at 2:21. Bill Watts is ALL ABOUT this guy. Dutch is still at ringside doing nothing, by the way.

The Nightmare v. Private Terry Daniels

Nightmare beats on Daniels and slams him while Eddie Gilbert makes Gomer Pyle jokes on commentary. Daniels makes a little comeback with a bodypress, but Nightmare tosses him to the floor. Gilbert sounds like he’s standing there at the podium sucking coke up his nose live on air judging by his hyperactive commentary, complete with Dusty Rhodes impressions. Nightmare drops Daniels on the top rope and chokes him out, and then finishes with the piledriver at 2:53. Apparently this wasn’t Dutch’s desired spot, either.

Superstar Bill Dundee v. Jack Victory

I thought Dundee was done as booker by this point, but maybe he’s just working the tapings as a one-off or something. Dundee showboats and works the arm, but Victory pounds away in the corner. Dundee comes back and hooks the sleeper, and that’s enough to finish at 2:30. Still waiting for Dutch to do something.

Terry Taylor v. Edcar Boo Thomas

Taylor works the arm while Watts compares him to Clark Kent. Doesn’t he mean Cluck Kent? Taylor does some simple stuff on the mat, but Thomas pounds him in the corner with forearms, so Taylor hits his own forearm and finishes with a figure-four at 3:02.

Meanwhile, Ted Dibiase is soon to be returning from his 30 day suspension, so here’s a video package set to a generic overdubbed song that makes me wonder if it’s supposed to be “Money for Nothing”. Or maybe Joel Watts just used a crappy generic Dire Straits ripoff back in 1985? And OF COURSE, the video highlights Ted beating up Andre the Giant, JYD and Tito Santana, which Watts makes sure to stress afterwards, in case we didn’t get it. Sour grapes is an ugly look, Cowboy.

Anyway, if we don’t get back to Mid-South for a while, it’s been a tremendous joy recapping this show, and hopefully they’ll add more episodes soon to fill in the gaps before the UWF transition.