The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars–11.21.92

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 11.21.92

OK, let’s see if the Network cooperates this time. It’s the go-home show for Survivor Series and things are about to get wild and wacky.

Taped from Terre Haute, IN, at the same tapings as Saturday Night’s Main Event.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bobby Heenan

WWF title: Bret Hart v. Virgil

Virgil gets a takedown and Vince immediately brings up Randy Savage’s new partner…Mr. Perfect?! Hopefully we’ll find out more about that later. Bret works a headlock and gets a clothesline to set up the elbowdrop, but Virgil dodges a charge and comes back with a monkey flip for two. Bodypress misses as I ponder if Baron Corbin serves Virgil when he eats at Olive Garden. WORLDS ARE COLLIDING! Anyway, Bret puts him away with the Sharpshooter at 4:12. That was a pretty abrupt match but it certainly made clear that Bret is taking on all comers.

BREAKING NEWS! WITH MEAN GENE!

The Ultimate Warrior is OUT of Survivor Series, and we head back to Prime Time Wrestling as Savage asks Perfect to be his tag team partner. But we cut away before the payoff! Later on, Gene interviews The Perfect Team, as they don’t particularly care for each other, but if there’s thing you can say about Mr. Perfect, he loves competition.

Yokozuna v. Todd Becker

Fuji still has his tuxedo, and Yoko has an odd-looking black and red combination for his gear. Yoko hits the uranage and legdrop and beats on Becker in the corner as we get an inset promo where Yoko is now speaking Japanese after being Polynesian last time. He should get along great with Crush. They can compare notes on changing your accent on a weekly basis. Banzai Drop finishes at 2:20. This was another awesome squash for Yoko on his way up. Honestly, watching this at the time, I thought he’d be another monster heel in the vein of an Earthquake or Bundy or Kamala and never thought they’d actually put the title on the guy.

Event Center! With Sean Mooney!

The Nasty Disasters yell and scream about Money Inc., and Kamala is unafraid of coffins.

UPDATE! WITH LORD ALFRED HAYES!

I feel like they’re filling a lot of time on this episode for some reason. Let us take you back to SNME, as Shawn Michaels wins the IC title from Bulldog and chases him all the way to WCW. And then we watch Bret’s win over Papa Shango as well and the post-match interview showdown with Shawn. Well, it’s probably good that they showed all this, since the show did the 1992 ratings equivalent of a Seth Rollins main event and no one saw it.

The Natural Disasters v. Steve Walker & Mike Kramer

The jobber team sounds like they went through the NXT Name Generator. Speaking of which, I’m seriously convinced that they actually use one of those Facebook memes where you choose your wrestling name via date of birth and first initial, but all the cool wrestling names are replaced with dorky ones. Double splashes finish these goofs at 1:50.

SURVIVOR SERIES REPORT! WITH MEAN GENE!

OK, seriously, the hard sell is one thing, but the entire show has seemingly been commercials for Survivor Series. Anyway, in this case Ric Flair is pretty fired up and redder in the face than Shane McMahon until even Ramon is telling him to calm down. So Flair moves off-screen and lets Razor cut the go-home promo, before flying back into frame while tearing off his clothing and ranting about how ungrateful Perfect is before finishing with a primal “AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” and running off again. Oh man, where has THIS Flair been for the past year? Oh! Also! Headshrinkers v. High Energy just added!

Next week: BAM BAM BIGELOW IS HERE!

Lance Cassidy v. Barry Horowitz

I’m astonished that Cassidy is actually getting another TV match. Cassidy gets some armdrags off a dropkick and he gets PROMO TIME. Yes, if you want to take a chance, get in the ring with Lance! OK, some guys make a pretty good case for 29 writers being needed. Lance gets some chops in the corner and finishes Barry with the flying clothesline at 2:15. The fact that they were so hard up for talent that Steve Armstrong was supposed to get over as a cowboy is a pretty scary indictment.

Event Center! With Sean Mooney!

High Energy isn’t worried about the Headshrinkers, but Mooney deadpans a line about how they’ll probably be decapitated and cannibalized by the Headshrinkers. Oh, and the other cannibal guy is getting buried alive in a coffin after getting beaten into a bloody pulp by a guy named the Undertaker. Family entertainment!

Hey, they tried, but Survivor Series still did the lowest buyrate in the show’s history to that point. This particular episode was all filler, no killer, with everything thrown into disarray yet again this year at the worst time. Par for the course for 1992.