The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 11.07.92
Well, I don’t think we can top last week’s show, but the thumbnail does spoil one historic debut, at least.
Taped from Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Mr. Perfect. And although Perfect isn’t happy with the results of the election, he’s happy that Money Inc. are the tag champions again.
Max Moon v. Louis Spicoli
OK, OK, Vince has got this Max Moon thing cased now. His gear now has gauntlets that shoot sparklers and confetti on the way to the ring, so we now commence printing all of the money that will surely be drawn. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. Max works the arm but walks into a suplex, which he turns into a headlock takedown. He used a HEADLOCK. What high-flying technical offense! Rolling fireman’s carry and flying bodypress finish at 1:55. I know Vince and his cronies weren’t exactly on the cutting edge of wrestling in 1992, but Argentina Rocca was a huge star decades earlier and did way more than Paul Diamond was doing here. Granted, he didn’t have pieces of paper shooting of his wrists, but he still managed to get over. And to think, Konnan threw all of this away and decided to waste his life with AAA instead.
Last week: The Natural Disasters lose the tag titles to Money Inc. and look like the biggest goofs humanly possible in the process.
The Headshrinkers v. Brian Costello & Jumpin Joey Maggs
Samu hits Maggs with a DDT out of the corner and then superkicks Costello on his way into the ring. Fatu gets a slam and puts his head down for a facebuster, but then no-sells it and pops up with a superkick. Always love that spot. Double facebuster on Costello sets up the Fatu flying splash for the pin at 2:00. Kind of surprising that they debuted here and then it took 2 years for Vince to do anything with them, because usually “wild samoans” are an easy lay-up for him.
Event Center! With Mean Gene!
Apparently Saturday Night’s Main Event returns next week on FOX for the second and final time, and that’s about the only mention you’re gonna hear on this show. But did you hear about SURVIVOR SERIES? It’s live on PPV and Tatanka is facing Rick Martel and now he’s finally mad about the stupid eagle feathers again after four months. And you thought your wives hung onto shit for a long time.
BAM BAM BIGELOW is coming back!
Virgil v. Jim Peterson
Virgil overpowers Peterson with a wristlock and goes to work on his arm. We get an inset promo where Virgil lets us know that he patterned his career after Bob Backlund as a kid. I’m sure Bob is just thrilled to hear that. Virgil goes up with a clothesline while that clown wanders around the crowd, and a Russian legsweep finishes at 2:00.
UPDATE! WITH LORD ALFRED HAYES!
Well, I guess Mean Gene is doing Event Center this week so they had to change everything around. So last week, Marty Jannetty returned with a sweet Guns N Roses shirt tucked into his jeans and attacked Shawn Michaels, accidentally shattering a mirror on Sherri’s head in the process.
And now, a musical tribute to WWF champion Bret Hart, set to generic country rock vaguely reminiscent of “Funk #49”. I’m assuming this was the one that originally had Tom Petty’s “Makin’ Some Noise”?
Damian Demento v. Steve May
Yes, we’re truly into the era of throwing every stupid gimmick at the wall and seeing what sticks. Spoiler: This one didn’t stick. Demento with a shoulderblock and he goes to a neck vice, and drops a leg for two. Neckbreaker and kneedrop finish at 2:30. Great wrestling name, but this was a terrible squash. These days Demento spends his time doing paranoid YouTube rants.
Big Bossman joins us to discuss the upcoming nightstick match at Survivor Series with Generic Interviewer. Which is fitting because he gives a generic interview.
SURVIVOR SERIES REPORT! WITH MEAN GENE!
BREAKING NEWS! The Bushwhackers have stepped aside so that the Nasty Boys can team with the Natural Disasters against Money Inc and the Beverly Brothers. Meanwhile, Undertaker is busy literally putting the last nails in Kamala’s coffin. That’s a bit on the nose. Speaking of stuff being on people’s noses, Ultimate Warrior is on some serious shit this week and sounds like he’s ready to burst out of the studio and go rob a 7-11 for kicks.
WWF tag team title: Money Inc. v. High Energy
Obviously Owen is over as a babyface at these tapings. Owen frustrates Dibiase with armdrags and he bails to escape, and then Owen goes after IRS and they double-team him as well. Koko runs into a knee from Dibiase on the apron, however, and the champs take over. Vince speculates a reprimand from Sgt. Slaughter over that missed call, but I’m pretty sure they’ve already dropped the Slaughter storyline at this point. Owen gets a hot tag and backdrops Dibiase, but walks into a neckbreaker and gets pinned like a geek at 4:19. Basically a squash for the heels.
Event Center! With Mean Gene!
We’re really hitting the Martel-Tatanka borefest hard this week as now we get Martel’s side of the eagle feather story. I haven’t watched the show in a while, did they even mention the stupid feathers when they got there?
Next week: British Bulldog defends the IC title against the Repo Man! Oddly enough, at the same time he’s defending against Shawn Michaels on SNME, and long after he already lost the belt. That’s some odd scheduling.