The SmarK Rant for Mid-South Wrestling–02.16.85

The SmarK Rant for Mid-South Wrestling – 02.16.85

I know I usually do Superstars and Heat first in the rotation, but I GOTTA see this episode.

Taped from Shreveport, LA

Your hosts are Bill Watts & Boyd Pierce

The Dirty White Boys v. Shawn Michaels & Tim Horner

The White Boys are “rough tough motorcycle guys”, which you can tell by all the leather and tassels on their gear. They hail from “Bucksnort, TN”, which Watts claims to have never seen or heard of before. I always thought it was just a made up wrestling place as well, but holy crap, it turns out that it’s a real county in Tennessee. Entertaining AND educational! Len Denton runs Horner into Tony Anthony’s head and then they double-team Shawn and beat the shit out of him, and Denton drops elbows for two. Double legsweep sets up a samoan drop from Denton to finish at 2:40. Shawn continues to look good in his jobber role.

Last week: Jim Duggan tries to break Dr. Death’s arm and then pins him with a spear. Bill Watts is proud of both guys for being so tough. So Dr. Death now has an arm protector for his fractured forearm, which Jim Ross thinks is totally legal in his opinion. Bill Watts reminds us that if you don’t wrestle, you don’t get paid, so you gotta work hurt. Vince should hire him to run the Wellness Program.

Steve Williams & Edcar “Boo” Thomas v. Mike Jackson & Mark Cooper

Apparently Edcar Thomas was some kind of college wrestling star, but if you’re like me you’re probably thinking “Who the fuck is Edcar Thomas?” and that’s because he only had about two dozen matches and retired from the sport in early 1986 from what I can find on him. But he’s a big black guy with athletic cred, so you know Watts is gonna try to push him. Jackson takes him down to start while Cowboy runs through Thomas’s credentials, but Thomas goes to the arm and brings in Doc. Doc elbows Jackson down, but Mike comes back with a dropkick and then stupidly brings in Cooper. Doc murders this geek and slams him all over, then finishes with the Oklahoma Stampede at 2:20. Thomas did almost nothing here.

And now, the BEST DRESSED MAN IN MID-SOUTH CONTEST! Ted Dibiase is once again bringing class to this dump in his tuxedo, and he’s accessorized with an aluminum baseball bat in case Duggan has any weapons. So he tells the refs to search Duggan, and if he’s clean, then they can have the baseball bat. No one wants a fight less than him, because they’re here to determine the best dressed. Dibiase is COMMITTED to this bit and it’s awesome. So Duggan is rocking the white tux, and he assumes the position so the refs can search him. Of course, they find nothing because they’re incompetent. So the crowd is left as the judges, and of course they declare Duggan the winner, which has Dibiase OUTRAGED. So Ted wants a rematch because the contest was rigged and it’s a conspiracy against him. Next week, he wants, no, DEMANDS, an electronic monitor for crowd reaction, which will prevent bias from people picking “a baboon in a suit”. I mean, come on, who would vote for THIS?

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Also, I love that Ted Dibiase is taking this goofy contest deadly serious and actually expecting that people will cheer for him unironically. This is why I love wrestling.

Kamala v. Butch Reed

Reed has decided to paint his face to get back to his African roots, and he attacks Kamala and chases him out of the ring with his fists. Back in, he throws forearms, but runs into Kamala’s bulk and gets choked down. Reed fights up in the corner, but Kamala kicks him down again and applies the dreaded boob claw as Watts puts Reed over on commentary like crazy, trying to find his new JYD. Speaking of which, Bill makes sure to point out that both guys beat JYD before he left. Reed somehow comes back from Kamala twisting his titty and purpling his nurple and gets all fired up with the comeback, then follows with a shoulderblock and goes after Akbar for the DQ at 4:30. It’s GHETTO STYLE, according to Watts. Wait, so is he from Africa or the ghetto? He’s got a lot of roots, apparently. And then it’s PANDEMONIUM, as Akbar’s guys all run in and we get a giant brawl with Terry Taylor and Iceman Parsons trying to save until finally Duggan chases everyone off with his 2×4 while still wearing the tux. Mid-South was amazing when they did these kinds of crazy pullapart brawls.

Mid-South TV title: Terry Taylor v. Jake Roberts

Unfortunately it doesn’t happen because Taylor got walloped with Dr. Death’s “legal” forearm brace in the previous brawl. So Jake freaks out in the ring, and Brad Armstrong decides to step in and challenge him. But Jake’s not interested in someone who’s not even as good as his washed up father. OH DAMN. But he’ll deal with Brad after he’s finished with Taylor later on.

Mid-South tag team titles: The Rock N Roll Express v. The Alamo Busters

This is gonna rule so hard. We’ve got two referees to prevent shenanigans, although I don’t think it’ll work. Just a hunch. Bill actually notes that the Alamo Busters wanted at least one Mexican referee to represent their interests, but sadly there was none available to them so it’s two gringo refs instead. How is THAT fair? I bet Bill sure didn’t try very hard to find any for them. Ricky and Robert take turns on Chavo’s arm, but he takes Robert down with a monkey flip and Hector comes in and pounds away. Ricky quickly comes in and hiptosses Hector, but Chavo takes Ricky down with a SWEET flying armbar takedown. Hector with a butterfly suplex and somehow both referees manage to miss a tag, but then they change their mind and the RNR clean house with dropkicks and we take a break. Back with Chavo beating on Robert in the corner and Hector gets a standing frog splash for two. Chavo with a butterfly suplex for two and Hector gets a splash for two, and then Robert pulls himself up on the ropes and Chavo kicks him in the face from the apron. Chavo slugs away in the corner and backflips off Robert, but that allows Ricky to get the hot tag and the ref is immediately bumped. And then the SECOND ref is somehow bumped as well, which allows the Mexicans to double-team Ricky with a backdrop. Hector goes up and Robert slams him off, and they all just slug it out and Robert rolls up Chavo for two. Ricky cradles Hector for two. Robert backslides Chavo for two and they all slug it out again as the referees have completely lost control, and finally the Guerreros run away and we’re out of TV time at 9:33. That was nuts and did not disappoint whatsoever.

Next week: The Best Dressed Man in Mid-South, ROUND TWO. This time with SCIENCE.