The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 10.10.92
MORE screwing with the format, as Mean Gene has BREAKING NEWS for the Survivor Series: Ric Flair & Razor Ramon face Ultimate Warrior & Randy Savage in the main event! It’s the GREATEST MATCHUP IN SURVIVOR SERIES HISTORY! Well not for long.
Taped from Winnipeg, MB
Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Mr. Perfect
Razor Ramon v. Steve May
Razor beats on him in the corner and goes to the abdominal stretch, then adds a chokeslam and the backdrop superplex. Razor’s Edge finishes at 2:40. The finisher STILL doesn’t have a name at this point, by the way.
Maximillion Moon v. Jerry Fox
Although he’s introduced by Finkel as “Maximillion”, the graphic is just “Max Moon” and that’s what Vince calls him. Moon uses the POWER OF DROPKICKS to put Fox on the floor and hits a cross body out of the corner. Leg lariat follows as Vince goes over the edict issued by Jack Tunney wherein referees are supposed to be more assertive and take control. Moon goes to an armbar and we get a pretty blatant edit to another armbar, so I’m wondering if the match had to be redone. Perfect thinks he must be some from other country with moves like that. Yeah, he is: Canada. Rolling senton finishes at 2:40. This character is flopping hard already.
EVENT CENTER! The Beverly Brothers want another shot at the Natural Disasters, and Crush’s Hawaiian accent is getting thicker by the week. He’s starting to sound like a second rate Bond villain.
High Energy v. Brian Jewel & Ken Johnson
OK, so I know Ken Johnson, as he was a Hart Dungeon trainee and hung around Stampede with a very minor TV push along with fellow bland rookie Jeff “Wheeler Dealer” Wheeler. So Owen would at least be acquainted with him, although Johnson was well after Owen was gone from the territory. High Energy double-teams Jewel with various monkey flips and a double backdrop, and finish Johnson with the double-team missile dropkick at 3:00.
Nailz v. Eric Freedom
Despite a great name for the jobber, he looks like Bob Geldof. Even Vince is making fun of him. Nailz immediately throws the geek out of the ring and demands the microphone, then cuts a voice distorted promo where he demands Bossman come out and face him. This sounded STUPID, as he had to talk very slowly and deliberately so their cutting edge technology could keep up with the promo. And then Bossman’s not even here so he looks like an even bigger moron. No decision ever rendered, but I’m assuming Nailz wins by countout. So much for more assertive officiating.
EVENT CENTER! The Bushwhackers get a damn promo for some damn reason and sing “Mary Had a Little Lamb”. No really. And then Repo Man does his usual generic promo given he’s got no program at the moment. I actually preferred the Bushwhacker promo.
Lance Cassidy v. Tom Stone
Oh god. Speaking of characters who flopped out of the gate, we’ve got friggin’ Steve Armstrong playing a cowboy while still wearing his Young Pistols gear. Cassidy gets a pair of armdrags and dropkicks Stone to the floor while you can see the crowd watching something happening on the floor and paying no attention to the match. Vince clarifies that Sgt. Slaughter will enforcing the rules as a special troubleshooting referee or enforcer or whatever he was supposed to be. Whenever they do that gimmick it’s always a failure, because no one wants law and order, they want chaos and violence. Cassidy gets an O’Connor roll out of the corner for two and goes back to the damn armbar again, so Stone goes to the top and gets slammed off as a result. And then Cassidy goes up and finishes with a flying bodypress at 3:30. Everything about this was death, from the dorky name to the old timey music to the terrible squash match.
Sgt. Slaughter is revealed to be watching that match, ready to assert some law and order. So where the fuck was he when Nailz was assaulting the jobber earlier and threatening to kill Big Bossman?
Meanwhile, we get another video package about Bob Backlund and his storied career. Complete with a vintage newspaper clipping:
Even his newspaper headlines are bland and dull! Also, what the fuck kind of slow news day was THAT paper having? Anyway, Backlund is coming back at some point.
Kamala v. Kevin Kruger
Kamala with his usual chops and big fat splash to finish at 1:15. Paul Bearer brings out the casket again and Kamala is once again cartoonishly terrified and runs away.
Bret Hart v. Bill Jordan
Bret beats on Jordan in the corner with forearms and drops the leg, then hits the elbow and legsweep. Middle rope elbow and a back elbow as Bret works very aggressively and seems to be teasing a heel edge, but nothing came of it. Sharpshooter finishes at 3:20.
EVENT CENTER! Rick Martel and British Bulldog both have nothing in particular going on.
Next week: Shawn Michaels, Big Bossman, Money Inc, British Bulldog and a special interview with Ric Flair and Razor Ramon!
Plus…something else very surprising.
A very skippable episode this week. When you’ve got Lance Cassidy AND Max Moon on the same show, you’re better off just finding something else to watch.