The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars–10.03.92

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 10.03.92

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Mr. Perfect

Back to the cold open format!

Razor Ramon joins Mean Gene for a special interview, and he’s making fun of Randy Savage for limping around without the WWF title, and if he wants to fight Razor Ramon, he’s lost his MIND. Oil me, Cheetos. Oil me. Well that was about as much to the point as Razor ever got.

Crush v. Dwayne Gill

Crush’s tan is getting seriously out of control at this point. They’re lucky the feds weren’t prosecuting for tanning oil trafficking as well as steroids, because Vince would have been dead to rights. Also, Crush does an inset promo and his skin is about three shades lighter there. Also, in case you weren’t aware, he’s from HAWAII. Brudda. Crush beats on Gill and he goes flying over the top rope off a punch, and Crush follows with a big boot on the floor and then presses him back into the ring. Tilt a whirl backbreaker and head vice finish at 2:50. Crush showed a lot more personality and fire here than usual, and was helped by Gill hurling himself around the ring to put him over. Doing the press slams and big boots is exactly the direction they should have started with him.

Nailz v. Gus Kantarakis

Nailz beats on the jobber in the corner and tosses him to the mat by his head, then it’s the usual choking and choking and choking. Having him out there week after week is just killing whatever aura he had back at the start of this run. Choke sleeper finishes at 2:00.

Meanwhile, Bob Backlund reminisces about being WWF champion a decade ago, and he’s making a comeback at 43! How did they POSSIBLY think this was going to get over?

Meanwhile, Kamala freaks out about a coffin two weeks ago.

Undertaker v. Von Krus

Taker immediately ties Krus in the ropes and then follows with the flying clothesline. So, what is Von Krus’s name supposed to be? First name Von, last name Krus? Never mind, tombstone finishes at 1:40 and then he puts the guy in a body bag and beats on him some more. Well, it’s his own fault for being from Germany and losing World War 2, I guess.

Event center! Harvey Wippleman claims that Kamala is unafraid of Undertaker and shan’t be intimidated. They just showed a clip of him running in fear from a coffin! I don’t think these heels are speaking the truth. Also, Jim Duggan wants us to watch Prime Time and vote. Well, people getting out and voting gave us Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau, so democracy is clearly overrated.

Repo Man v. Laverne McGill

Does this guy team with SHIRLEY on the indie scene, huh? HIGH FIVE! UP HERE! Anyone? No? OK, moving on. Repo beats the guy down while Perfect compliments him on his disguise while Vince counters by noting that he’d be very easily recognized on the street during the day. “Well of course, that’s why he works nights!” You tell ‘em, Curt. Repo hangs the geek in the corner and stomps him and now Vince is railing against incompetent officials in the WWF and thinks there should be a school for them. Sure, next you’ll be giving them the vote, too. Repo finishes with a half crab at 3:42 of this brutally dull squash.

Event Center! Big Bossman is all about law enforcement and enforcing the laws and watching Law & Order and joining the Justice League. Of course he doesn’t actually love law enforcement enough to actually get a job in law enforcement, because I guess he’d rather stick to vigilante justice. I bet the real cops love when some redneck is beating people up in handcuffs and use “I used to be a prison guard” as a justification. Ever watched a prison show? Guards are not particularly well trained or highly educated.

Meanwhile, at last year’s Survivor Series, Ric Flair is the sole survivor due to a completely ridiculous referee decision. That’s just proving Vince’s point about referee incompetence. Maybe they should leave good guys like Bulldog alone and drug test the REFS, amirite?

The Natural Disasters v. Barry Horowitz & Bob Bradley

Barry is unable to overpower Typhoon and we get a bunch of comedy spots to support that point. Over to Bradley, who is similarly unable to best Typhoon, and finally it’s over to Earthquake, who quickly hits the butt splash to finish at 4:35. Another awful squash. This fun-loving fat guy gimmick has gotta go, and thankfully it does soon.

Mean Gene has HOTLINE NEWS backstage, as he tracks down Jimmy Hart looking for answers on who the #1 contenders for the tag titles are. These days they’d just book a three-way and be done with it, but back in 1992 Jimmy freaks out and runs away.

Rick Martel v. Ross Greenberg

Martel is in full tennis garb this week, which gives us some hella-dated sportsball references from Vince and Perfect. Martel takes him down and does some jumping jacks, and follows with a gut wrench as we get an inset promo where he’s got nothing to talk about. The announcers don’t particularly have anything to hype here either, which makes this a pretty pointless segment. Boston crab finishes at 3:11.

Event Center! Skinner is grumpy about Hurricane Andrew destroying his home and he’s going to take it out on the other wrestlers. Well that’s a bit unfair. Also, Bret Hart may be beaten, but he’s going straight back to the top. SURE YOU ARE, Bret.

NEXT WEEK: They announce the main event of Survivor Series, and JESUS CHRIST more Nailz? Yeah I guess so.