Date: May 17, 2019
Location: 2300 Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Don Callis, Josh Matthews
We’re off to Philadelphia now and you can feel the ECW chants starting from here. I’m not sure what we can expect here, but Brian Cage is still banged up and injured, meaning we don’t have a major story at the moment. Rob Van Dam seems to be prominently featured around here though and that isn’t likely to go well for anyone outside of the live audience. Let’s get to it.
Knockouts Battle Royal
Madison Rayne, Kiera Hogan, Alisha Edwards, Jordynne Grace, Tessa Blanchard, Scarlett Bordeaux, Solo Darling, Tasha Steelz, Karissa Rivera, Ashley Vox
Hold on though as here’s Glenn Gilbertti to insult the Knockouts. He says Scarlett’s victory over him was a one off fluke and this is a great way to get kicked off TV. The only reason this should be happening is if it was a bra and panties battle royal. Glenn comes in, gets pounded down, and bails to the floor to do commentary. Everyone actually in the match brawls and an early Blanchard vs. Grace showdown is broken up.
The fighting continues with Tasha hitting a running hurricanrana to send Tessa into the corner. Gilbertti complains about the lack of scantily clad women, showing that he doesn’t understand the meaning of “scantily clad”. Edwards hits an Edge-O-Matic on Darling, who also takes a piledriver from Grace. A parade of secondary finishers ensues as Glenn moves on to insulting the WNBA. Rivera and Vox go to the apron and get knocked out by Tessa to get us down to eight.
Steelz gets sent to the apron as well and a superkick….doesn’t get rid of her for some reason. Solo takes her back to the apron for a reverse DDT and the elimination but Tessa gets rid of Solo as well. Tessa isn’t done as she gorilla pressed Edwards onto the pile as we’re halfway done. Kiera slips out of Grace’s Muscle Buster and hits a superkick, with Tessa coming over to help get rid of Grace.
Scarlett hits the running hip attack into the Stinkface on Madison as Glenn talks about still being in this match. Oh please tell me that’s not what we’re doing. Taya Valkyrie comes down and gets in a cheap shot on Madison, leading to a quick elimination. Back from a break with Tessa getting double teamed by Kiera and Scarlett….until Kiera turns on Scarlett for the elimination. They fight to the apron and Tessa dumps her, drawing Glenn back in for the running clothesline and elimination for the win at 13:54.
Rating: D. So Tessa has the match of matches with Gail Kim at Rebellion and her followup is doing the same feud with freaking Disco Inferno that Scarlett just did? I know Impact is obsessed with this intergender stuff at the moment but Tessa beating up comedy guys isn’t an interesting way to go or a good usage of her talents. This was your usual battle royal, with the ending that I can’t stand for the sake of setting up what should be a squash win for Tessa. What a great thing for television.
Post match Glenn runs away.
We see a clip from after last week’s show when Michael Elgin attacked Willie Mack in the parking lot and left him laying.
Elgin is here because he’s tired of waiting in line. He’s sent a lot of people to the hospital but here’s Rich Swann to get in Elgin’s face. The brawl is broken up in a hurry.
Rosemary vs. Su Yung
Demon Collar match which is a Dog Collar match with pins and submissions. They both spray mist and it’s time to slug it out with Rosemary throwing her down by the neck. The Upside Down sends Yung to the floor and Rosemary hangs her over the corner. Since strangulation doesn’t work on her, Yung is fine enough to pull her throat first into the middle buckle and take over.
Now it’s Rosemary getting choked in a chair, followed by a Cannonball off the apron to knock her off the chair. A double clothesline in the aisle puts both of them down. Back in and Rosemary gets two off a reverse DDT but Yung hits her in the face with the chain for the same. Something close to a hanging Pedigree gets two more and the Mandible Claw goes on. That’s broken up with a chain shot though and Rosemary gets in the mist. A spear into the Red Wedding gives Rosemary the pin at 9:01.
Rating: D+. The collar and chain didn’t offer much here outside of a few quick spots and that’s not exactly what I was hoping for. Then again, that kind of applies to the entire feud, which has been going for months without actually getting very far. Yung has been completely ruined as a heel and it seems that the story is just going to keep going no matter how low she gets. Not the worst, but nothing that felt important.
Madison rants to Melissa Santos about getting the Knockouts Title shot from Taya. The title has to be defended next week and Madison is getting what belongs to her.
Madman Fulton vs. Randy Shawn
Sami Callihan is here with Fulton and instructs him to kill Shawn. A one handed toss sends Shawn across the ring and Shawn’s chops have as much effect as you would expect. Fulton kicks him in the face and hits a pair of chokeslams, followed by a swinging Downward Spiral for the pin at 2:20. Total squash, as it should be.
Rob Van Dam is glad to be back in Philadelphia and glad to still be on top. Next week: RVD vs. Tommy Dreamer. Great.
The Impact Wrestling doctor joins us and uses a bunch of medical lingo to say Cage is hurt. It’s not clear when he’s going to be back. This is done in an interview with the investigative reporter and I’m still not sure what the joke is supposed to be with him. It’s been going on for months and he’s not funny or anything more than just a backstage interview with a job title. What’s the point?
Killer Kross vs. Eddie Edwards
Kross has Kenny so the fight is on in a hurry with Eddie sending him outside for the big dive. The suicide dive connects as well but Kross is right back up with a bunch of stomping in the corner. A knee to the ribs and clothesline give Kross two and it’s time to choke on the rope. Eddie tells him to kick him harder before grabbing a Blue Thunder Bomb for no cover.
A super hurricanrana into a running chop (odd combination) gives Eddie one and Kross is angry. Eddie forearms away anyway and grabs a tiger bomb for two. The Boston Knee Party misses though and Kross grabs his face to send Eddie outside. Eddie finds Kenny but walks into the Doomsday Saito for the pin at 7:01.
Rating: C-. Not bad here but it seems to be part of a bigger story. Eddie is starting to get into this role but the talk of him idolizing Tommy Dreamer doesn’t give me a good feeling when we’re in ECW land. Kross playing Eli Drake is interesting, though quite the downgrade as Drake is a lot better in the ring. This company can jettison talent though as they have Van Dam and Dreamer to fall back on though right?
Post match Kross zip ties Eddie to the ropes and breaks Kenny.
The Rascalz talk about weird food before going to train, in montage form no less. They’re uh, not very good at this stuff.
Flashback Moment of the Week: LAX vs. OGz from Slammiversary 2018.
Josh Alexander yells at Ethan Page for going after Rob Van Dam instead of the Tag Team Titles. Moose comes in and tells them to go after the titles, but after they get rid of Van Dam.
Michael Elgin vs. Rich Swann
Non-title and the very angry Swann still manages to dance to the ring. Swann goes for a headlock to start but a shoulder works as well as you would have expected. Elgin backflips away so Swann dropkicks him in the side of the head as Josh runs down house shows. The handspring elbow is countered and Swann gets sent into the corner. A scary release German suplex sends Swann down on his head and a single chop takes him down again.
Elgin’s slingshot splash gets two but Swann gets in a kick to the face. Swann heads up so Elgin dropkicks him out of the air as the athletic freak stuff continues. A DDT gets Swann out of a powerbomb and Elgin gets knocked outside for some running flip dives. Back in and a top rope elbow gives Swann two as we take a break. We come back with Elgin elbowing him in the face and nailing some running splashes in the corner.
A Blue Thunder Bomb gives Elgin two more and Swann is in big trouble. Some standing clotheslines don’t put Swann down so he nails a superkick. That’s fine with Elgin, who hits a swinging Side Effect for two. Elgin takes him up top but gets countered into a super hurricanrana. The Lethal Injection sets up the middle rope 450 for two on Elgin. The Phoenix splash misses though and Elgin plants him with a sitout Razor’s Edge bomb for a rather near fall.
A buckle bomb looks to set up the Elgin Bomb but Rich counters with a pair of reverse hurricanranas. The spinning kick to the head drops Elgin for a delayed two and Elgin rolls to the floor. Swann makes the mistake of diving at him and gets powerbombed into the post twice in a row. The third in a row, plus a shove of the referee, is enough to get Elgin disqualified at 20:20.
Rating: B+. This was a heck of a match with Swann fighting as long as he could but not being able to survive the onslaught. One of the keys here though was Elgin going for the kill instead of the pin and Swann not taking the fall. There’s enough of a difference between losing via DQ and getting pinned and it makes sense to protect the champion a little bit more. Elgin looked like a killer though and now we wait for Cage to show up and finally stop him, which should be awesome.
Post match the beatdown is still on until Willie Mack makes the save. Johnny Impact runs in and takes out Mack. A knee to Swann’s head leaves Impact and Elgin staring each other down to end the show.
Overall Rating: C+. This show took some time to get going and the main event helped erase a lot of the problems. As annoying as the Gilbertti stuff and ECW praise were, the storyline advancement helped a lot with Elgin being built up even more helped out a lot. Cage being gone is actually a nice thing at the moment and he’ll be back for the next tapings, meaning things should be moving forward. I liked this show more than I thought I would, but Van Dam vs. Dreamer next week is going to make my head hurt. What we got this week worked though and that’s a nice change of pace after the last few weeks.
Glenn Gilbertti won a battle royal last eliminating Tessa Blanchard
Rosemary b. Su Yung – Red Wedding
Madman Fulton b. Randy Shawn – Swinging Downward Spiral
Killer Kross b. Eddie Edwards – Doomsday Saito
Rich Swann b. Michael Elgin via DQ when Elgin powerbombed Swann against the post
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