Money In the Bank Marathon 2019: The SmarK Rant for WWE Money in the Bank 2010

The SmarK Rant for WWE Money in the Bank 2010 – 07.18.10

(Originally written 06.08.18)

I thought we should do a repost of all the previous MITB shows leading up to next week’s show, but then I realized I’ve never done the very first one! As a bonus I have no recollection of anything from this era so it’s all a new surprise for me.

So in 2010, WWE decided it would be a swell idea to rebrand all of their monthly shows into gimmick shows where every one had a “theme”. So we had stuff like Hell in a Cell as a standalone show, Fatal 4 Way, TLC, and most successfully I’d argue, this one.

Live from Kansas City, MO, drawing 8000 and a rather anemic 162,000 buys on PPV.

Your hosts are Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler & Matt Striker.

Money in the Bank (Blue): Kofi Kingston v. Dolph Ziggler v. Christian v. Cody Rhodes v. Matt Hardy v. Drew McIntyre v. Kane v. Big Show

Quite the interesting field here. Everyone gangs up on the hosses while DASHING Cody Rhodes makes a climb and then immediately gets slugged down. Show tries to climb and the ladder rungs break, and that can’t be good for the self-esteem. It’s like living in a Yo Mama joke. So Show tries to retrieve his own personal ladder and everyone gangs up on him outside. Drew catapults Christian into a ladder on the floor and climbs for the case, but Matt brings him down until Christian blocks him. They fight to the floor and Dashing Cody dashes up the ladder, but Kofi stops him and climbs. Dolph climbs next , actually moving at a normal speed like a human being would, but Christian stops him and biels him off the ladder. Matt pushes the ladder over, but Kane comes in, still upset over the heinous attack on his loving brother Undertaker, and he beats on everyone. Matt and Christian continue their battle and Christian ends up taking a bump onto Show on the floor. Dashing Cody Rhodes hits Kane with the Disaster kick, but Kofi climbs, so Dashing Cody brings him down with a backdrop suplex. Cody and Matt slug it out on top, but Drew pushes them over and runs Dolph into the post. Kane gets all pissed off again and preps the announce tables until Kofi baseball slides a ladder into his face. Kofi puts Drew onto a table and follows with a Boom Drop off the top of the ladder and through the table. Matt Striker saying “You cannot manufacture passion” like he’s a robot programmed by Vince McMahon pretty much kills that moment. Back in the ring, Big Show chokeslams Dolph off the ladder and beats on Kane in the corner, then fights off the Hardy-Christian team and splashes a ladder onto them. Ouch. So then we get a pretty funny visual gag, as Show pulls out a massive industrial strength ladder and then awkwardly tries to haul it into the ring. Sadly, before he can climb, Cody clips the ankle and cuts him off. That’s actually something pretty clever and different for these matches. Ziggler does a very slow climb up the giant ladder but gets hauled down by Show, and then Kofi springboards over to the other side of the comically huge ladder and hits Show with a DDT from there. Cody dropkicks Kofi off the ladder and hits Cross Rhodes, but Dolph Zig Zags Cody into the ladder. That looked pretty bad. Show cleans out the ring and climbs his ladder again, but Kane pushes him off and everyone buries poor Big Show under a pile of ladders on the floor. Everyone climbs up on the mega-ladder at the same time, but Kane chokeslams them all off like a bunch of geeks and heads up. Dolph tries a desperation dive onto his shoulders with a sleeper, but Kane chokeslams him out of the ring and onto the ladder pile. Same deal for Kofi, and then he chases Dashing Cody up the ramp and destroys him. Christian and Matt double-team Kane and climb the ladder for another battle, but neither guy can unhook the case and they both fall off and they’re done. Finally Drew emerges from whatever void he’s been in for the past 15 minutes and climbs, but Kane chokeslams him off the ladder and wins Money in the Bank at 26:14. The giant ladder gag was cute, but the match wasn’t particularly memorable and really missed the peak by about 5 minutes. Once Kane buried Show under the pile of ladders they weren’t gonna top that spot, and it just kind of limped to a finish. Still, a good opener. ***1/2

Meanwhile, Sheamus explains that he took John Cena’s side against the Nexus because it was in his best interest.

Divas title: Alicia Fox v. Eve Torres

This has gotta be nearing the low point for the women’s division. They do a ridiculous lockup battle to start and Eve gets a couple of takedowns for two, but Alicia works the back as the crowd is dead silent. Backbreaker gets two. Fox with the surfboard, but Eve makes the comeback with dropkicks and a standing moonsault for two. She goes up with a senton that hits knee and Fox finishes with an axe kick at 5:54. Match was OK, but the timing was all off and the crowd didn’t care at all. *1/2

Meanwhile, Jack Swagger lets his dad get tombstoned by Kane on Smackdown because he’s a coward, and then has to explain to his mom afterwards.

Unified World tag titles: DH Smith & Tyson Kidd v. The Usos

The Usos were very, VERY, green at this point, back when they were managed by Tamina. Talk about a matchup that is from a very specific era. Smith beats on Jey to start, but gets caught in the corner and Jimmy stomps him down for two. Jey goes to a chinlock on Smith while Nattie brings the cleavage A-game in the other corner, and Jimmy switches off with his own chinlock. Smith fights out and it’s hot tag to Kidd, who immediately looks a level above everyone else in the match, and he rolls up Jey but gets hit with a samoan drop by Jimmy for two. Jimmy misses the flying splash and David gets another hot tag and tries the Sharpshooter on Jimmy, but Tamina distracts him. Nattie gets rid of her and David finishes the move for the win to retain at 5:59. This was very NXT-riffic and super-basic. Obviously everyone involved would be much better at a much higher level later on. **1/2 The Usos would never make it past NXT looking like this today, and even here they looked like they needed a few more years of seasoning before they were on TV. Matt Striker was the WORST here, as everything was SHADES OF RIKISHI or SHADES OF BRET HART and these poor guys had no chance to get over as their own thing. Most annoying was Nattie bodyslamming Tamina on the floor near the end, which Striker said was “Shades of Jim Neidhart”. A BODYSLAM? Also, earlier in the match he claimed that Edge and Gorilla Monsoon were trained in the Hart Dungeon, so he was hitting new levels of nonsense here.

Smackdown World title: Rey Mysterio v. Jack Swagger

Rey had won the title at the shitty Fatal 4 Way show the month before, and this was the start of yet another attempt to rehab Swagger as a super-serious badass. Rey was selling an injured ankle at this point, so the storyline of the match should be obvious. Swagger goes for the ankle and Rey fights him off in the corner, but tries a quebrada and gets caught and hung in the Tree of Woe by Swagger. Rey fights him off and goes up, but Swagger brings him down with a pop-up superplex ala Kurt Angle. Well, you could have worse role models in the ring. They fight to the floor and Swagger goes after the ankle for a bit, and then back in for a kneebar. Rey fights out and Swagger powers him into a really messed up attempt at an over the shoulder powerslam or a cutter or something, and that gets two. Swaggerbomb misses and Rey comes back with the flying senton as Striker notes that Swagger needs to keep the audience quiet as a part of his strategy. Well, he’s got NO worries about that tonight. Rey gets a springboard moonsault for two, but Swagger suplexes him for two. Swagger powers him into the Doctorbomb for two. Rey sends him into the post, but they fight to the top and Swagger tries a TKO from the top, which Rey turns into a DDT for two. Rey comes back with the 619, but Swagger blocks the West Coast Pop with an anklelock, and Rey makes the ropes. Swaggerbomb times two and he goes for the ankle again, but Rey counters into the 619 and rolls him up for the pin to retain at 10:48. Big pop for the finish, although as usual the Swagger rebuild went nowhere. *** Swagger takes out his frustrations on Rey afterwards and destroys the ankle, and wouldn’t you know…

Kane makes the save and gets rid of Swagger…and then returns with the briefcase and cashes in while the announcers are preparing to move onto the next segment. That’s a neat little twist on the usual formula, thus making Kane the fastest person to cash in.

World title: Rey Mysterio v. Kane

Kane wisely goes after the ankle again, chokeslams him, and finishes with a tombstone to win the World title at 48 seconds.

Meanwhile, Edge and Jericho argue over who is the master of the briefcase and they both promise to cash in on the champion tonight.

Women’s title: Layla v. Kelly Kelly

Kelly attacks in the corner and misses a handspring, but gets a victory roll for two. Layla takes her down and goes to work on the leg, and Michelle adds some punishment on the floor until Kelly SNAPS and makes the comeback in the ring. Fameasser gets two, but she tries a sunset flip and Layla blocks it for the pin to retain at 3:50. Just the usual sloppy and embarrassing women’s match from that era. ½*

Money in the Bank (Red): Randy Orton v. The Miz v. Mark Henry v. Edge v. Chris Jericho v. Ted Dibiase v. John Morrison v. Evan Bourne

Edge makes the first climb and Orton hauls him down for a fight on the floor, leaving Dibiase to try for the ladder. Miz dumps him and Bourne, but Mark Henry lays him out and Jericho runs a ladder into Henry’s head. Bourne gets high…up the ladder, but Orton hauls him down and hits the vintage DDT off the ladder. Morrison hits Orton with a springboard kick and ends up knocking himself silly on the ladder while taking the bump, but manages to fight off Miz and Dibiase. He climbs, but the ladder is way away from the briefcase. “Notice how he places the ladder to the SIDE of the briefcase,” notes Matt condescendingly, as if this is a brilliant strategy only he has picked up on. “Uh, what good does that do him?” answers Lawler, and then Cole basically says it was a stupid move. Everyone climbs up ladders to stop JoMo, but Henry dumps the ladders and everyone is out, and this leaves Maryse (who was with Dibiase at this point, not Miz) to climb the ladder on her man’s behalf. Morrison brings her down like a gentleman, but Dibiase sneaks up behind his back and almost gets it. Morrison saves and beats on Dibiase outside, but Miz attacks them both while Michael Cole begins his years-long love affair with the Miz on commentary. Edge climbs in the ring, but Morrison rides a ladder down to save. Edge and Miz team up and trap him between the rungs of the ladder and Edge pushes the ladder over in a terrifying spot. How can you even protect yourself? Dibiase sets up multiple ladders in a convoluted setup and climbs for the case, but Henry stops him with the World’s Strongest Slam and then drops Miz onto Jericho. Henry climbs and Bourne dives onto his back to slow him down, but Rated RKO reunites and tosses Bourne onto the floor. Jericho and Edge then reunite with a codebreaker into a spear on Henry outside. Back in the ring, the remaining guys climb the modern art ladder sculpture and Orton turns on Edge with an RKO. That leaves Jericho and Morrison and Jericho gets hung upside down. Orton pulls Morrison down and RKOs him, but Bourne comes in with Air Bourne on Orton to get revenge for that RKO spot from RAW. Bourne gets to the case and seems to have it, but can’t unhook it and Jericho is able to stop him. Jericho gets rid of him and seems to have clear sailing to the case, but Orton catches him with an RKO off the ladder to take him out. Edge goes for it, but Orton knocks him onto the remaining ladders to get rid of him, and he’s got the case, but Miz pushes him over and out, climbs the ladder, and becomes the only person to win the briefcase while holding another title at 20:28. Hands up: Who thought this would lead to Miz headlining Wrestlemania against John Cena as champion and winning? LIAR. Miz cuts a bitter promo on the shocked crowd afterwards about how no one believed in him. Well, he’s not wrong. I liked this one much better than the opener, as the bumps were bigger and the timing from guys like Orton was great. ****1/4

WWE title, cage match: Sheamus v. John Cena

As a main event, this feels ice cold and probably explains why the show flopped. This was set up by the Nexus, those RUFFIANS, taking out Cena at Fatal 4 Way and allowing Sheamus to win the title. I hear one of them even choked out a ring announcer with his own tie! WELL I NEVER. They slug it out in the corner to start and Sheamus sends him into the cage for two. Sheamus slowly hits a kneelift and rubs Cena’s face on the cage as they work a very leisurely pace to put it mildly. Cena comes back with his shoulderblock, but Sheamus slows it down again with a clubbing forearm for two. Sheamus then decides to climb for whatever reason, but Cena cuts him off with a superplex for two. Sheamus with a DDT for two. Double sledge gets two. Another one gets two. This match is going NOWHERE. Slowly. Cena fights back, but walks into a sleeper. He fights out of that, but Sheamus chokes him down and tries to climb out. Did someone seriously agent this match and planned out 15 minutes of boring bullshit to start the match? Cena suddenly makes the comeback with the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but he goes up for a top rope version and misses. Sheamus ties him in the ropes and the announcers point out that he can just walk out of the cage now. So of course he doesn’t, and instead stands there punching Cena and yelling at him. Finally he climbs, at which point Cena easily escapes his James Bond-like predicament and brings him down with a bulldog for two. Sheamus puts him down with a backbreaker and follows with the Brogue Kick for two. He sets up for the Razor’s Edge, but Cena reverses to the AA for two, and now finally here’s the inevitable Nexus run-in. A ref steals the bolt cutters from them and so they go after referee Jack Doan, who throws the keys to the cage into the audience. Meanwhile, Cena gets the STFU on Sheamus after a ref bump, but the Nexus moves in and Sheamus escapes the cage at 23:05 while Cena is busy fighting them off. Meltzer was VERY forgiving to this boring match, and it was a shitty way to end a pretty good PPV. *1/2

The Pulse

I’d go thumbs up, although stop after the second MITB match and don’t bother with the main event.