Mike Reviews: ECW Hardcore TV #315 – 08/05/1999

Hello You!

So last week we finally saw some matches announced for the Hardcore Heaven pay per view, along with the tandem of Lance Storm and Justin Credible suffering another defeat, this time with Storm losing to the perpetual job merchant Tommy Dreamer. It’s okay though, because they beat him up afterwards, which seems to fix everything in Paul Heyman’s world. If he was Watford manager and they lost the Cup Final to Manchester City, he’d just have Troy Deeney drop Raheem Sterling with a Burning Hammer and claim it as a victory.

Anyhoo, this week supposedly has Jerry Lynn Vs Justin Credible on it, and I think it’s almost impossible for those two not to have a good match together, so I’m suitably optimistic for this week’s show. And who knows, maybe we’ll get some more matches confirmed for Hardcore Heaven on the 16th of May?

Last week’s show ended with Rob Van Dam coming down to the ring to take on one of Buh Buh Ray or D-Von Dudley, so I’m sure tonight we’ll get the match where he inevitably pins one of them so he can “get his win back” for losing to D-Von in episode #313.

So, without further ado, let’s take it to The Extreme!

Today’s matches come from Queens, New York and Fort Lauderdale, Florida respectively

Calling the action is Joey Styles

We open the show with clips of last week’s main event, where Tommy Dreamer got an improbable win over Lance Storm courtesy of a Spicolli Driver through a table, only to get battered post-match so that Storm and Credible could get their non-existent heat back.

We cut to Francine on Fort Lauderdale Beach, where she calls out Dawn Marie for Hardcore Heaven

Show Intro – Today’s tagline “Hotter than the Florida sun, hairier than Julia Roberts’ arm pits”, which my lack of knowledge of late 90’s celebrity pop culture thankfully causes to whoosh over my head.

Joey Styles is in his usual position in front of the ECW banner, where he hypes up the Hardcore Heaven card. Thus far we have the following

ECW Television Title: Champion – Rob Van Dam Vs Jerry Lynn
Super Crazy Vs TAKA Michinoku
Justin Credible Vs Shane Douglas, in a match where if Douglas beats Credible once again then he gets to keep him this time
Lance Storm Vs Tommy Dreamer
ECW Tag Team Champions The Dudley Boyz defend their belts
ECW World Title: Champion – Taz Vs Chris Candido w/ Tammy Sytch

We cut to Cyrus, who is at the beach with Steve Corino. Cyrus tells Corino that he has major heat with Taz, which scares Corino massively. Corino says he wants to be just like Taz, and calls Candido a troublemaker. Cyrus consoles a blubbing Corino, whilst throwing to Jeff Jones. Jones appears to be in a car park somewhere. Taz pulls up in a car and seems unusually chirpy when Jones asks him about Candido sneak attacking him in Queens last week. Jones says he’s surprised that Taz isn’t angrier, but Taz replies that he’s in Florida and is in a good mood. However, as Jones turns to camera to close out the interview, it turns out that Taz actually is very angry and locks Jones in The Tazmission, before stuffing him in the boot of his car. Maybe it’s in case he gets hungry on the drive home? Taz enters the arena at Fort Lauderdale as the people are still coming in, and The Network blurs something out on the back of his shirt, possibly because it was too rude to broadcast. A ring attendant stupidly mouths off to him, which earns him a belt shot to the face. As if you’d get in Taz’s face like that, idiot! Taz slaps the ring attendant around and then puts Candido on notice, saying that he’s going to destroy him at Hardcore Heaven.

COMMERCIAL

Joey throws us back to the match that happened in Queens last week between Rob Van Dam and Buh Buh Ray

Opening Match
ECW Television Title
Champion: Rob Van Dam w/ Bill Alfonso Vs Buh Buh Ray Dudley w/ D-Von Dudley, Sign Guy Dudley and Joel Gertner

This is joined in progress, with Buh Buh hammering away on RVD. RVD fires back with his usual array of flippy moves, getting an impressive monkey flip on Buh Buh. Buh Buh replies by locking in a Boston Crab, has this has been a standard wrestling match so far, and hasn’t been too bad all told.

COMMERICAL

Back from the break, Buh Buh hits a nice piledriver onto one of the Tag Team Title belts, which we didn’t see get brought into the ring. I hate when Hardcore TV cuts out important parts to the match like that. It’s like how in that Douglas Vs Credible match a few weeks back we went to a break with Douglas controlling things and then came back with him getting thrown from the top rope through a table. I’m all for cutting matches down to make them a bit more actioned packed, but that’s just ridiculous!

Anyway, RVD back body drops Buh Buh outside the ring and then follows with a baseball slide. RVD puts Buh Buh into the front row and follows with a huge cross body from the top rope into the crowd. That was a picture perfect dive there, as RVD could be a damn graceful bugger when he wanted to be. Back inside, RVD actually body slams Buh Buh and heads up top for a flying kick for two.

RVD gets the Rolling Thunder next and goes for the cover, but Buh Buh is out at two. Buh Buh gets a big fall away slam in response for a two count of his own, as Joey declares that RVD’s Title is in jeopardy. It really isn’t Joey, its Buh Buh Ray Dudley he’s facing. No one in their right mind would buy him as a viable singles Champion in 1999 ECW. I still think putting the TNA Title on him was a step too far if I’m honest.

Buh Buh drops RVD with a Buh Buh Cutter onto a steel chair, but RVD kicks out at two. Did anyone here ever play Legends of Wrestling 2, where you’d tour the territories around America and sometimes there’d be a really random Champion in a certain territory like Nasty Boy Brian Knobs or something? Well that’s what would have happened here in 1999 ECW if RVD hadn’t found the power within him to spare the ECW fans of such misery and kick out of that pin. Good on you RVD, good on you!

Buh Buh heads up to the second rope, but RVD stops him before he can deliver whatever high flying move he had planned. However, Buh Buh fights him off and brings him down with a Super Bomb for the double down. Buh Buh eventually makes a cover, but it’s been long enough for RVD to be able to kick out at two. Buh Buh slams RVD onto the chair and goes for a senton back splash from the second rope, but RVD rolls out of the way and follows up with the Van Daminator. With Buh Buh down, RVD heads up top for the Five Star Frogsplash, and that’s enough to retain.

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: ROB VAN DAM
RATING: **1/2

This was watchable and featured some nice stuff, but the crowd just never really bought that RVD could lose and it hurt the drama. Still, they kept mostly in the ring and had an enjoyable match without needing a thousand gimmicks to make it good.

D-Von and RVD brawl post-match, which allows Buh Buh to jump RVD from behind. The fans chant for Sabu, but if he interferes then he faces a suspension from the athletic commission. The Dudley Boyz double team RVD, which brings out Jerry Lynn of all people for the rescue with a chair, but he ends up attacking RVD as well when RVD tries to Van Daminate him. This brings in Storm and Credible, who are swiftly followed by Sabu for a mass brawl. Sabu tries to put Credible through a table, but he manages to dodge it at the last minute. Storm and Credible actually brawl with The Dudley Boyz into the entrance area, which allows Sabu to dive out onto everyone. RVD follows with a dive of his own, and it’s a real beauty. That was quite the bit of organised chaos right there!

COMMERCIAL

Back from the break, Joey is in front of the banner again where he hypes up the Hardcore Heaven card again. Would have been nice if they hadn’t waited till 8 days out from the actual show to promote all of this stuff.

COMMERCIAL

Main Event
Justin Credible w/ Jason and Jazz Vs Jerry Lynn

We’re back in Fort Lauderdale for this one. These two usually tended to have good matches together, so hopefully tonight they have another one. This is a tough one to call, as neither man should realistically be losing going in to Hardcore Heaven due to their respective big matches. Normally you’d do a DQ finish, but this is ECW where that normally doesn’t happen, so it looks like one of them has to lose.

Credible grabs a mic pre-match and references the previous feud between the two, also adding that he thinks Rob Van Dam is ducking him so essentially challenges Lynn to put his TV Title shot on the line. Lynn says he’s going to punk Credible out like the bitch he is and the fight is on! That didn’t really confirm whether the Title shot is on the line here or not. The fight spills outside, where Lynn whips Credible over the guardrail into the first row and follows up with a dive.

Credible bumps all over the place for Lynn, and it’s pretty great thanks to his years of doing jobs in the WWF. However, Jason provides a distraction and that’s enough for Credible to cut Lynn off with a hot shot onto the railing. Credible works over Lynn back inside, as Joey seems to think that the Title shot is indeed on the line here. Sure, why not? Credible goes for his buddy Scott Hall’s Outsiders Edge, and actually gets it, but Lynn kicks out at two.

Credible’s entourage set up a table between the ring and the guardrails, and Credible puts Lynn onto it. Lynn is able to roll off before he can be put through it, but Credible sends him into the ring post. Both men trade chops out on the floor and its back inside for a chin lock from Credible. Fans are so enthused by Credible’s wrestling prowess that they chant for the table. I can’t really blame Credible going to a rest hold for a bit as this match has been 100 miles an hour thus far.

Lynn fights up out of the chin lock but runs right into a sidewalk slam from Justin for two. Lynn keeps fighting however and manages to counter an abdominal stretch by hip tossing Credible over the top through the table from earlier. Jason hits Lynn with a cane, but Lynn is able to kick out at two, so Jazz passes Credible a chair instead. That goes awry for Justin though as Lynn DDT’s him onto the chair for two.

Sit out powerbomb gets another two for Lynn, as they just keep upping the ante. Lynn rana’s Credible from the top rope but Jazz is distracting the ref, which allows Jason to come in and attack Lynn. Lynn reverse DDT’s him, which brings in Jazz for some kicks, which Lynn no sells and then drops her with a Tombstone Piledriver. This allows Credible to hit a reverse DDT, but Lynn kicks out at two. Credible goes for That’s Incredible, but Lynn counters it into his Cradle Piledriver for the win.

WINNER: JERRY LYNN
RATING: ***1/2

It’s Jerry Lynn Vs Justin Credible, I’ve not seen a bad match between them in ECW yet (I think their TNA feud in 2003 was a bit rubbish but I’m pinning that more on TNA than them to be honest)

So Justin Credible loses once again. I really should be keeping a tally to be honest as this has now become some kind of bizarre surrealist representation of what an actual push in wrestling is supposed to be. And then, say it with me, Credible and Storm do a post-match beat down to get their heat back. Seriously, WHAT HEAT?!?! Tommy Dreamer runs down for the rescue and goes after Dawn Marie, but Storm puts a stop to that and that seems to be the end of the show. Joey declares that Storm and Credible are unstoppable. NO THEY AREN’T JOEY!! They lose every chuffing week! They can quite easily be stopped, and indeed ARE stopped all the time! I’ve seen more obstinate chocolate teapots than Storm and Credible.

In Conclusion

One decent match and another really good one make this week’s show an easy thumbs up based solely on the in ring action. The booking of Storm and Credible continues to befuddle me, as they lose every time they have a match yet somehow we’re still supposed to be really scared of them because of a few post-match beat downs.

Still, this was a really watchable show this week and I’m looking forward to the pay per view as most of the announced matches have the possibility to be okay at the very least.

Next week it’s the go home show for Hardcore Heaven, hopefully you’ll join me for that. Until then, take care.