The SmarK Rant for WWE Worlds Collide – 05.01.19
Seriously? Haven’t they run out of material for these yet? No idea what the theme for this particular one is.
Your hosts are Vic Joseph & Percy Watson
Women’s Battle Royal:
Oh, great, a battle royal show. So we’ve got Bianca Belair, Taynara Conti, Kacy Catanzaro, Deonna Purrazzo, Io Shirai, Jessamyn Duke, Marina Shafir, Jessie, Lacey Lane, Xia Li, Kavita Devi, Kay Lee Ray, Mia Yim, Piper Niven, Reina Gonzalez, Vanessa Borne, Aliyah, and Toni Storm. The sound is mixed really weird for this show, with the crowd WAY in the front and the announcers WAY in the back. Everyone fights on the ropes and Lacey tries a bouncy flippy move and gets booted out at 1:49. Well that was dumb of her. More kicky punchy and Jessie gets dumped by the Horsewomen at 3:00. Catanzaro plays the role of Kofi here, clinging to the ropes to avoid several eliminations. Piper tosses Kay Lee Ray at 4:22 and Belair beats on Conti while she’s hanging in the corner, and we get a tease spot as she clings to the ringpost while the generic NXT heels try to push her out. The camera crew is really having trouble finding stuff to follow here. Purazzo shoves Xia Li off the apron at 6:00 to put her out. Reina Gonzalez, who is a cowboy of some sort, tries to throw Kacy out unsuccessfully, and Kacy does an amazing headscissors on the ropes before getting dumped at 6:57. Man, I don’t even WANNA know the weird stuff that goes in the bedroom with her and Ricochet. 450 flips and stuff, I bet.
Mia Yim slugs it out with the MMA team and gets nowhere while Devi tries a dropkick on Reina and achieves about 0.5 Erik Watts. Gonzalez gets her to the apron and boots her out at 9:10. Everyone’s kind of laying around and trying to figure out where to go next, which results in some pretty loudly called spots, and Shafir accidentally puts her own partner out at 10:45 and then throws out Yim at 11:00 purposely. Conti tries another fancy escape, but Shirai dropkicks her out at 11:40. Shafir goes to the apron, but hangs onto Belair’s ponytail, so Bianca shoves her out at 12:50 to get rid of her. Borne and Aliyah double-team Piper Niven and then goes badly for them, but Niven charges and goes over the top and out at 13:41. And then the NXT geeks celebrate and get dumped out at 14:00. Like, do we need yet another women’s team with a gimmick of “Annoying catty mean girls”? Isn’t that like the entire division? Gonzalez tries a powerbomb on Shirai and takes a rana instead, and they fight to the apron, with Gonzalez finally getting sent out at 15:40. Belair reverses Storm Zero and backdrops Toni out at 16:15. So we’ve got Io v. Belair left and Bianca hits her with a forearm to lay her out. They fight for a rana and both tumble to the apron, but Io boots her back in and follows with a springboard dropkick, which misses. And then Belair presses her to the floor to win at 18:30. Good finish, but the match felt like it went on FOREVER. And I’m still not feeling Belair, no matter how high on her they are.
Men’s Battle Royal:
So here we’ve got Ariya Daivari, Brian Kendrick, Dave Mastiff, Drew Gulak, Fabian Aichner, Eric Bugenhagen, Humberto Carrillo, Joe Coffey, Mark Coffey, Dominik Dijakovic, Ligero, Matt Riddle, Rinku Singh, Saurav Gujtar, Roderick Strong, Wesley Blake, Steve Cutler, Akira Tozawa, Travis Banks, and Tyler Bate. So Riddle and Bugenhagen immediately leave the ring and ROCK OUT on the floor, which makes me really want to see a match between them. Eichner gets superkicked out at 2:00 and Dijak slams Tozawa to the floor at 2:20. And then everyone gangs up on Dijak but can’t get anywhere because he’s too much man. Dijak just murders Carillo with a lariat to the floor at 3:24. Bugenhagen actually gets to throw out Daivari at 3:45! Big things are ahead! And then he gets thrown out by one of the big tattooed guys. Singh, I guess? Ligero gets thrown out by a Forgotten Son at 5:00, I forget which one. Travis Banks gets thrown out by the big green guys at 6:00. Blake puts Mark Coffey out with a headscissors at 7:00 and nearly gets eliminated by Dijak, but Riddle saves and puts him out with a GTS at 7:50. Boo! I was cheering for Dijak. Mastiff throws out a pair of geeks at 8:25. And then Gujtar turns on his partner Singh and throws him out at 9:50. That’s record time for breaking up a tag team, even by WWE standards. Kendrick tries Sliced Bread on Joe Coffey and gets splatted to the floor at 10:20, taking a nice bump on the way out. Strong hits a knee on Mastiff in the corner to put him out at 10:25. Riddle beats on Coffey but Tyler Bate makes a comeback and tosses Coffey at 11:22. So Riddle, Bate and Strong team up on Gujtar, but Riddle gets booted out at 12:25 to BIG heel heat. Bate and Strong team up on Gujtar and Bate uses his BIG STRONG BOY powers to carry him out at 13:15, leaving us with Bate and Strong. So they slug it out and that’s awesome, and Bate follows with a running forearm in the corner and a standing shooting star, which leads to the airplane spin, but he can’t dump Strong out. Roddy UNLOADS with a chop but gets backdropped to the apron, then hangs on while Bate tries to clothesline him out. They fight for a suplex on the ropes and Strong catches him with a backbreaker, but it’s not enough to throw him out. Another hurl over the top is also a failure, and so is the third one. So Strong pounds him with chops and tries again, but Bate reverses and boots him to the apron, where Strong hangs on and necksnaps him. They end up on the apron and slug it out, as Bate fires off his right hand and tries the Tyler Driver, but Strong backdrops out and they’re STILL on the apron! Back in and they’re still throwing down, but Strong backdrops him out and Bate skins the cat and ties him in a crucifix. But then he gets fancy and tries to slingshot back in, and Strong hits him IN THE FACE and wins the match at 19:35. Hot damn that one-on-one portion was BOSS and I now demand to see a professional wrestling match between these two grapplers. Please and thank you. Rest of the match was midcard geek junk but the ending was 7 minutes of awesome.
Overall, I’d say the men’s match was worth watching, and the women’s not really worth it but not actively bad or anything. On the scale of Burn It / Avoid It / Skim It / Watch It / Binge It, I’d give this one a marginal WATCH IT. A very easy show to watch with a great ending.
But seriously, that’s gotta be it for those tapings, right? They’d have to be 7 hours long as it is.