The SmarK Rant for Mid-South Wrestling–01.12.85

The SmarK Rant for Mid-South Wrestling – 01.12.85

Definitely time for a palette cleanser after Heat yesterday.

Taped from Shreveport, LA

Your hosts are Jim Ross & Joel Watts

Dr. Death joins us, and he wants everyone to know that he doesn’t need Mr. Helmet in order to be a tough guy, so he’s giving it up because he WANTS to. Not because he’s barred from using it. So there.

Tim Horner & Terry Daniels v. Dale Veasey & Rick Oliver

Just to clarify here, Horner and Private Daniels are supposed to be the pushed team. Horner gets a pair of leapfrogs on Veasey and a bodypress gets two. Over to Daniels, who works Oliver’s arm. Daniels 100% did not get any of the rub that associating with Sgt. Slaughter was supposed to give him. In fact, carrying on as part of the “Cobra Corps” while Slaughter was long gone just made him look like a bigger geek. The heels get some offense on Daniels, but Horner gets the hot tag and backdrops Veasey, and Daniels finishes him with the cobra clutch at 3:12. Daniels was reasonably effective standing in the background behind Slaughter in military uniform, but that was about it. 0 for 1.

Meanwhile, Bill Watts presents Hacksaw Duggan with a pair of expensive cufflinks to celebrate his Athlete of the Year award on New Year’s Eve in Tulsa, and comments that he’d like to see Duggan in a tuxedo sometime. FUCK YEAH! I knew we’d be getting there sometime soon! Bill also brings his son Joel in because it’s his 21st birthday, and gives him a GIANT bottle of champagne. I bet there’s also a hooker back there waiting for him.

Back at the studio, Ted Dibiase is DISGUSTED that a piece of crap like Duggan could be Athlete of the Year when a fine athlete like himself gets passed over. Also, no one cares about Joel Watts and his stupid birthday. JR quickly warns Dibiase that the last guy to mess with Bill’s family got slapped around for it, so Ted apologizes and moves back to slagging Duggan and his slobby lifestyle. So Ted wants to see Duggan dressed up in a tux with full tails and his new fancy cufflinks just so he can see it for himself. So that’ll happen next week.

Mid-South TV title: Terry Taylor v. Sheik Hercules

This is Terry’s first defense after winning it from Budro last week. They trade hammerlocks on the mat to star and Terry takes him over with a headlock. Backslide gets two, but Hercules elbows him down and slams him for two. And then Buddy runs in and distracts Taylor, leading to a heel beatdown for the DQ at 2:30. Iceman Parsons makes the save, continuing his vendetta against Akbar. Real talk: I have no idea where they’re going with it, but I’m 95% certain Parsons is working with Akbar all along. Match was too short to be worth much, but it was a good angle setting up a tag match. 1 for 2.

Iceman Parsons v. Jack Victory

Very early in the career for Victory, before Meltzer even started putting him over in the Observer every week as the stealth best worker in whatever territory he was around. Parsons throws down on Victory and then goes up with a clothesline and HOLY GOD he looked like he slammed the top of his head into Victory’s jaw on the way down and knocked him into the middle of next week. 1 for 3. Buddy Landel wants to settle things with Iceman RIGHT NOW but a gaggle of referees split them up, because this wrestling show is neither the time nor the place for a wrestling match. And then they’re like, fuck it, it’s Bill Watts’ show.

Iceman Parsons v. Buddy Landel

Parsons slugs away on him and gets a backdrop out of the corner, then goes up with that god-awful clothesline to finish at 0:41. Well he certainly made his point there. LEARN TO DO YOUR FUCKING MOVE. The Butt-Butt might have been stupid, but at least he wasn’t killing guys with it. 1 for 4.

Jake Roberts v. Mike Jackson

Jake gives Jackson a couple of clean breaks while smirking about it, but Jackson hits him with a crossbody for two and Jake slides away. Back in, Jackson counters a headlock into a headscissors and holds Jake on the mat, which really annoys him. So Jake gives him a cheapshot in the gut and follows with a gutbuster to take over, as he drops knees on the midsection like a complete dick. Backbreaker gets two. Jake wallops him in the gut again to put him down and adds another gutbuster for two. Jackson fights back but Jake counters a bodypress into another gutbuster, and the DDT finishes at 4:01. This was a FANTASTIC piece of business, as these two just told a little story and had a hell of a match for the time given. Mike Jackson is an amazing jobber. 2 for 5.

Kamala v. Rocky King & George South

More quality jobbers here, as they swarm Kamala and both guys manage to get bearhugged at the same time. Kamala kills both of them in turn and chokes both at the same time on the mat, then tosses King and puts South away with the big splash at 1:30. Better than the usual Kamala squash thanks to the opposition. 3 for 6.

North American title: Brad Armstrong v. Steve Williams

Doc blitzes Brad to start with elbows for two and then goes to an armbar, and he stays on that arm despite Brad’s attempts to escape for quite a few minutes. Oh, I can see the TV time limit coming down main street here. Doc stays on the arm and stays on the arm and finally puts him down with a clothesline for two. To say Doc got dramatically better in Japan would be a strong understatement. Brad makes a comeback but Doc gets a belly to belly for two and goes back to the arm. Brad fights back again but Doc boots him down for two, and Brad fights back one last time as we’re DESPERATELY OUT OF TIME and it’s a draw at 8:22. Eh, nothing really wrong with it, it was fine. 4 for 7.

They had me at TUXEDO. We all know where that’s going and I’m 100% on board.