The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 08.29.92
Taped from Worcester, MA
Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Mr. Perfect
Meanwhile, on the Summerslam Spectacular, people were hoping that Warrior and Savage would have an EMOTIONAL RECONCILATION during the tag match with the Nasty Boys, but somehow that didn’t happen and now they’re gonna have a cataclysmic explosion at Summerslam instead. Oh, Vince McMahon.
Ric Flair v. Joey Maggs
Holy cow, Jumpin’ Joey Maggs on WWF TV? That’s a rarity, actually. Maggs grabs a headlock and gets some dropkicks, living up to his nickname, and that gets two. Flair responds with chops in the corner and tosses him so that Perfect can punt Maggs in the ribs and then run away, which allows Flair to attack from behind and really lay in the chops on the floor. That’s where they hurt the most, according to science. Back in, Flair really gives him the hard chops and follows with a delayed suplex, and NOW, WOO, WE GO TO SCHOOL as Flair finishes with the figure-four at 3:00. This was an amazing squash and kudos to Maggs for putting him over like a real man.
Meanwhile, Warrior gives us the hard sell for the main event, and he could see in Macho’s EYES that he had sold out to Mr. Perfect. I think that was just the coke. The promo is intercut with highlights of the buildup that make Savage look pretty guilty. SAVAGE SOLD HIS SOUL TO THE DEVIL.
Meanwhile, Savage gives his side of the story, but that’s exactly what someone who SOLD HIS SOUL TO THE DEVIL would say. This includes a really clever bit where they show Flair selling a phantom punch from Warrior at one point in a botched spot, but Savage spins it as them colluding together. Him and Warrior just don’t mix! Man, it’s really a shame that the match didn’t have a good finish because it should have been an epic blowoff.
Tatanka v. Pat Rose
Tatanka with the hiptoss and slam and he throws some armdrags to chase Rose to the floor, as we get an inset promo where he promises that Berzerker will feel the POWER OF THE CHOP at Summerslam. Sounds like he means business. He continues to work Rose’s arm while Vince asks the tough questions of Perfect. WHO IS INVITING HIM TO SUMMERSLAM? Luckily, Perfect doesn’t fall for that line of questioning. Tatanka finishes with the POWER OF THE CHOP and Wig Wam Bomb at 3:00.
Event Center! With Sean Mooney! Brought to you by ICOPRO!
No Update with Mean Gene this week, so I guess they needed something for ICOPRO to sponsor instead. So we get words from Rick Martel, who wants to remind us that there’s no hitting in the face during his match with Shawn.
Kamala v. Jeff Daniels
OK, so I think someone screwed up the jobber name on the Network end last week, because this Jeff Daniels is clearly not Perry Saturn and looks more like the typical dumpy dad bod and mullet geek that they like to use. So now I can say SHOOT THE HOSTAGE! Usual squash from Kamala with the choking and the chopping and the choking and the splashing at 1:42. So yeah, as it turns out, the entire buildup for the Undertaker match was them passing each other in the aisle two weeks ago. And yet Undertaker is still threatening to literally kill him and have his body shipped back to Uganda! That seems a bit melodramatic of him.
Event Center! With Sean Mooney!
Virgil wants us to know that while Nailz was DOING hard time, he was LIVING hard time! He’s been beating up guys like Nailz his whole life! Was that before or after he was working as a butler for a millionaire and driving a limo? Because I’m not 100% convinced about Virgil’s street cred here. Also, Money Inc want LOD to know that their match is going to be short and painful, just like paying taxes. What exactly is IRS’s function with the real IRS supposed to be, anyway? Seems like a government employee acting that way would stir up some PR nightmares for them.
Bret Hart v. Louis Spicoli
So now the storyline has officially become that Bret is CURSED by Papa Shango. I wonder if Shango cursed everyone around Bret as well, causing tears to flow uncontrollably from their eyes all the time? Bret gets an atomic drop and pounds Spicoli with forearms and drops the elbow. Backbreaker and middle rope elbow set up the Sharpshooter at 3:00 to finish. So we’re at Summerslam now, and Davey Boy has literally been off TV for a month, not even doing a squash match leading up to his biggest match ever, only doing a couple of drop-in promos that were probably recorded weeks before. That’s crazy.
SUMMERSLAM REPORT! WITH MEAN GENE!
Folks, Gene is filled with trepidation on his way to London, because the two guys fighting for the World title aren’t getting along. Maybe he’ll do a really emotional hotline update detailing his feelings on the matter. LOD promises that they’ll knock specific teeth out of Money Inc’s mouth, and they’ll be going down their throats and exiting their sphincters. Pyloric or cardial?
Rick Martel v. Justin Taylor
Wow, this is the big sendoff match before Summerslam? The Model works the arm to start and Vince is DISGUSTED that someone would enter into a professional wrestling match with predetermined stipulations. Crab finishes at 2:16. Vince thinks that Martel will have the advantage because he’s got more experience “being on the continent”.
And we finish with comments from Repo Man and the Natural Disasters to wrap it up.
So barring a change of plans, we’ll see you back on the blog this Sunday for the Summerslam 92 Redo!