The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars–08.22.92

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 08.22.92

Summerslam is rapidly approaching! And yeah, I’m definitely redoing it this week.

Taped from Worcester, MA

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Mr. Perfect, albeit with no wacky theme this week. Perfect finally declares his allegiance for Summerslam: He’s going to be in the WINNER’S corner.

Hacksaw Duggan & The Bushwhackers v. Repo Man & The Beverly Brothers

Who booked THIS crap? This is like rando bullshit from Coliseum Video hell. The faces pile the heels in the corner and beat on them, then clothesline them one by one to clear the ring. Back in, Blake goes after Butch and walks into a knee, but Beau gets a cheapshot from the apron and the heels take over. Blake with a splash, but Butch makes the hot tag to Duggan, who slugs away on Repo in the corner. It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA as the Wackers hit everyone with battering rams, but Repo hauls Duggan out of the ring and Luke takes the SCROLL OF DEATH to the head at 4:20. How was that supposed to make the Beverlies look like a threat? But I’ve seen worse from them, so there’s that.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE! BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE WWF MERCHANDISE CATALOG!

So Gene recaps the Warrior-Savage-Flair shenanigans, and we get words from both Savage and Warrior. Warrior admits that, yeah, he’s willing to pay any price to win the belt, so the question becomes who is going to blink first and betray their fanbase? Hell of a promo from Warrior there, actually. It’s kind of a shame that the show flopped without Hogan because these two brought the goods.

Papa Shango v. Scott Taylor

Thank god Papa Shango is back after a couple of weeks off! He gets a slam on Scotty and drops the leg, then finishes with the shoulderbreaker at 0:54. Apparently voodoo practitioners don’t get paid by the hour. Shango is really upset about something and he breaks his deaded VOODOO STICK on Scotty, until Bret Hart runs out and saves by putting him in a sleeper hold. I’m sure Bret was thrilled to be moving in THAT direction with his career. Anyway, this was tragic for young Scott Taylor, as he was cursed by voodoo, causing him to eternally be too hot, as though consumed by the raging fires of Hades! And his body convulsed and wriggled on that mat when trying to do simple moves, as though he was possessed by a demonic worm!  And his hair stood straight up, as if he was constantly in a state of terror!  And most tragically, his favorite hat developed a hole in the top, which looked really stupid. Such a waste of potential.

Meanwhile, on Prime Time Wrestling, Jimmy Hart excitedly announces a Nasty Boys v. Ultimate Warrior & Randy Savage match. Mean Gene thinks he’s lying and wants to have the contract verified first. Was that match from Prime Time or a pre-Summerslam special or what?

Crush v. Jeff Daniels

So Daniels (never announced on the show but listed on the Network timeline at the bottom of the screen) is yet another identity of young Perry Saturn, as Crush gets a press slam and torture rack drop, then hits a backbreaker and finishes with the HEAD VICE at 1:35. So we’re 2 for 2 with future Attitude Era stars as jobbers this week.

Event Center! With Sean Mooney!

The Beverly Brothers and Natural Disasters offer their comments on their tag title match.

RAZOR RAMON v. Tony Roy

Well, our streak of future stars ends here, sadly. Again, Razor warns the ring attendant to watch the gold, but still doesn’t quite get the bit down yet. Full on black and gold gear for Razor this week, which is awesome. Razor with the chokeslam after slapping Roy around and he stomps him down before hitting the top rope back suplex. The still-unnamed Razor’s Edge finishes at 2:11.

Meanwhile, Bruce Hart has to offer his opinion on Bret v. Bulldog, and he’s sick of hearing about everything revolving around Bret and his ego getting in the way. Now THERE’S the big fatheaded pot calling the kettle an egomaniac. Everyone who makes fun of Bret “tears in his eyes” Hart should listen to an interview with Bruce.

Bret Hart v. Richie Rich

Bret with a suplex and he slugs away, but Papa Shango comes out with his smoking skull. Is this foreshadowing the feud with Steve Austin five years later? TUNE INTO NITRO TO FIND OUT! Bret totally no-sells the entire thing and hits the backbreaker and finishes with the Sharpshooter at 2:10. You know that stroke he suffered years later? VOODOO CURSE. The pieces are all falling into place.

SUMMERSLAM REPORT! WITH MEAN GENE!

Ah, so we get the answer about the Warrior/Savage tag match, as it’s indeed on Prime Time Wrestling as the “Summerslam Spectacular”. Wonder why they didn’t put that one on the Network yet? Oddly, the match would be airing AFTER Summerslam actually happened in the UK.

Nailz v. John Armstrong

Nailz immediately chokes him out and just continues choking him out as we get an inset promo from Virgil. He’s still 2 Legit 2 Quit. Although I believe he lost to Nailz via submission at Summerslam, so that’s not entirely accurate on his part. Nailz finally does a wrestling move, with a slam, before finishing with another choke at 1:45. Nailz is becoming a lot less scary as we progress here.

Event Center!

We get another interview from Berzerker, building up a match that we never saw. I think we need the Director’s Cut of that PPV on the Network to restore that stuff, or maybe just something for Hidden Gems.

NEXT WEEK: We don’t know. But there’s some stuff happening on Prime Time Wrestling, so maybe watch that.