ECW on Sci-Fi 03/31/2009 #147

Christian & Finlay vs. Mark Henry & Kane

Finlay qualified for MITB by pinning The Brian Kendrick on Smackdown, which seems a tad unfair given Christian had to win a battle royal to earn his shot.

Kane pounds away on Christian to start until him and Finlay work together to wear him down. Advert break comes in early and we get Henry vs. Finlay yet again, threatening Punk vs. Burke for Match We Book When We Can’t Be Fucked. Finlay continues to get worked over by both big uns until a DDT Onto The Knees takes down Kane so Christian can make the luke-warm tag. Christian & Finlay double dropkick Henry to slow him down but he easily catches a crossbody off the top to end the match with a World’s Strongest Slam.

Winners: Kane & Mark Henry (Absolutely nothing to this with everyone clearly saving themselves for the biggest night of the year. This was the real-life version of the match the computer has against itself when you don’t press a button on the title screen.)

Dramatic Recap of the Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker feud, complete with HBK’s white Undertaker gear which was cool enough to inspire an action figure.

Then another Dramatic Recap, this time for the Cena vs. Edge vs. Big Show feud which ended up being a lot of fun thanks to the chemistry and facial expression of everyone involved.

After an extended look at Trump vs. McMahon from Wrestlemania 23, we get Dramatic Recap III for Orton vs. HHH which now goes all the way back to Evolution turning on Orton in 2004 which Randy now uses to justify killing HHH’s family. The mega-serious recap then cuts into AC/DC’s War Machine and I love AC/DC but that’s not a song that inspires a mega-feud, it makes me wonder if Tim Allen has any films coming out this summer.

Nikki Bella vs. Brie Bella

Oh thank God, the Bellas are here to save the show. Their respective tag team champions watch at ringside to show how far the tag division has come since 1996 when there was only one woman used as a prop. Nikki gets two from a roll-up then both of them roll around for a bit before kind of landing a monkey flip. They keep cutting to the tag teams at ringside with the frequency of New Jack’s forehead until they go back to moves they can’t possibly mess up like “suplex” and “clothesline.” Facebuster from Brie causes Morrison & Miz to distract and Nikki gets the sneaky roll-up to pop the crowd who were waiting for Smackdown to start.

Winner: Nikki Bella (Striker called this a “hard-fought victory” but I’m not even sure this counted as a wrestling match. The Bellas were nothing in 2009, they were probably able to get away with not paying air-fare and getting folded into overhead storage.)

Overall: Like the last few weeks, ECW on Sci-Fi is a complete waste of time due to having no proper Wrestlemania match, so skip this. In fact skip it twice just to make sure.

I’ve been Maffew, don’t follow me on twitter and blame me for this waste of time.