The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars–08.15.92

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 08.15.92

Taped from somewhere not mentioned again.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Mr. Perfect.

Big Bossman v. Skinner

Oddly this is a cold open match, as they just go right to Bossman’s ring entrance with a Superstars logo over top of it. Skinner goes after him in the corner and then runs away, so Bossman chases him for a bit while Vince promises a probing expose of Nailz’s past in the latest issue of the WWF Magazine. You know it’s hard hitting journalism because Papa Shango is on the cover. Skinner chokes Bossman out with his alligator claw thing and even the heat machine is bored of this match. Skinner with more choking in the corner, but Bossman comes back with the WIND UP POPEYE PUNCH OF DOOM and finishes with the Bossman Slam at 3:35. And then he did nothing at Summerslam. Like, what was the point of having him out for a couple of weeks? The feud didn’t even pay off until November!

Kamala v. Joe Steele

Another great name for a nothing jobber. Sounds like a hard boiled detective. Vince is once again accusing Kamala of CANNIBALISM. Look, there’s nothing illegal about threatening to eat someone, I’m pretty sure. So until there’s evidence of actual consumption of a human being, maybe they should just back off the man. Kamala with his variety of chops and a back elbow on Steele, and a back kick and big splash finish at 2:25. Perfect, meanwhile, is bragging about how much money he’s made of the bidding war between Savage and Warrior thus far. Who does he think he is, Brock Lesnar? Come to think of it, Perfect was one of Brock’s mentors in his rookie year.

Event Center! With Sean Mooney! Repo Man gives the same interview as last week. But shouldn’t they be a tag team? Repo Man can repo cars, and then Crush can crush them. Everyone gets what they need out of the relationship!

So back from the break, and Kamala had tried to exit through the crowd because apparently he’s getting dumber as the year progresses and now can no longer comprehend how doors and aisles work.

Undertaker v. Chris Duffy

Undertaker has a brief staredown with Kamala as they cross paths on the way to the ring, which pretty much counts as the entire buildup for their match as far as I remember. Taker with a flying clothesline and tombstone at 1:00 as he ain’t getting paid by the hour today, as Gorilla would say.

Randy Savage joins Mean Gene for the special interview, as Perfect has left commentary. Vince speculates that this is due to Perfect being unable to handle the truth about to be spilled by Savage, because Vince the announcer is kind of an idiot. So Gene asks the tough question right away: Is Macho Man negotiating with Mr. Perfect? Savage notes that Warrior was already shaken by the allegations last week, so even if he’s NOT negotiating, he’d be “really really really stupid” to deny it now because it’s working. So Perfect interrupts, and claims that Warrior called him after last week’s interview, and has made an offer that Perfect may be unable to refuse. Bet it involved lots of drugs. So now the price has gone SKY HIGH, but Savage is still playing coy, and maybe he is or maybe he’s not talking with Perfect.

Money Inc. v. Tim McNeavey & Jerry Seavey

Dibiase quickly Seavey with a suplex and IRS follows with a double underhook suplex while we get an inset promo from Rocko the Dummy. Apparently when you dine at the devil’s table, you don’t get to choose from the menu, but LOD is a smorgasbord of violence. Yeah, I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean. Either way, it’s even less intimidating coming from a puppet. Write Off and Million Dollar Dream finish at 2:20.

Back to the Event Center, and Virgil is now doing “2 Legit 2 Quit” to really date this show. Come on, Virgil, even in 1992 MC Hammer was lame. Once Hammer had to start writing his own hooks, he was dead. It’s easy to score #1 hits when you’re ripping off Rick James and Prince.

SUMMERSLAM REPORT! WITH MEAN GENE!

Even after two Event Centers, we gotta hit the hype even harder. It’s really effective, I’m probably gonna redo the show because I’m on vacation this week anyway. This week, we hear from Diana Hart Smith, who is on the verge of tears from the way the family is tearing apart. They’re never going to be friends again! I dunno, if Bret forgave him for going on a crack smoking binge for two months with Jim Neidhart at this point, I’m pretty sure they’ll get over having a match together. Also, Sherri has brokered a deal between Rick Martel and Shawn Michaels so that neither will hit the other in the face. Because then she can enjoy both of them! Um, phrasing, Sherri.

Razor Ramon v. Jim Powers

And yeah, this week marks the debut of his threats to the ring attendant, although it’s just a quick “Watch the gold, chico” and not the full spiel it would develop into soon. Ramon misses a charge and Powers for the arm, so Razor pokes him in the eye and slugs him down. So Razor is wearing red and yellow gear this week, which looks strangely out of place on him. Razor slugs Powers down while Vince speculates that both guys are proponents of ICOPRO. I think Powers was on more than ICOPRO. Razor with the top rope back suplex and finishes with the unnamed Razor’s Edge at 2:30. This wasn’t as epic as his debut last week but Razor remains awesome. I’m pretty shocked they didn’t have the name ready for the finisher because usually that stuff is set up and prepped before they ever make TV.

Next week: Repo Man & Beverly Brothers v. Hacksaw Duggan & The Bushwhackers! Ugh, why?

Hell of a job building up Summerslam thus far!