The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 08.08.92
Taped from…? It’s never mentioned here so I’m not sure.
Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Mr. Perfect.
The Ultimate Warrior immediately joins Mean Gene for a special interview, and he’s like “Why should we fight for 10,000 people when we can fight for 80,000 instead?” Always about the gate, that guy. So Ric Flair quickly interrupts, and he just wants Warrior to know that he’ll be the WWF champion by Summerslam anyway, and he’ll be there at ringside scouting them. Oh, and Savage was calling Mr. Perfect looking for a manager all last week. Just so Warrior knows. Flair’s just letting him know in case he wants to get in on the bidding himself. Mean Gene is SHOCKED AND APPALLED at the behavior of the Macho Man, even though he’s currently only going on second hand information from known liar Ric Flair. Sounds like one of his hotline reports. So Warrior appears to be down with making a deal with the devils to keep up with Savage. What a great angle!
Speaking of great…
RAZOR RAMON v. Paul Van Dale
Yes, it’s the in-ring debut of the Bad Guy, fully formed with the famous tights and music right out of the gate. He immediately no-sells the jobber’s offense and boots him out of the corner, then slaps him around and chokeslams him. To the top for the backdrop suplex off the middle rope, and the Razor’s Edge kills this geek dead at 2:35. People were literally jumping up and down in the front row watching this guy destroy the jobber and hit the Edge for the first time. What a squash! This guy is MONEY. Oh, and to further blow your mind, the jobber had a daughter who grew up to be a World champion pro wrestler, and she is apparently Money as well.
Meanwhile, Helen and Stu Hart are really quite upset about Bret and Bulldog fighting for the title. Come on, Stu would have put all his children together in a death match for a gate like the Wembley one. He’s an old time carny, he knows the deal. They can always have more children.
The Natural Disasters v. Brian Donahue & Brian Brieger
There’s too many guys named Brian in this match. One of them needs to change his name to Garrison immediately. Quake suplexes Brieger and drops an elbow for two, and Typhoon hits a corner splash and chokes him out on the ropes. Double avalanches on both jobbers and the double splashes finish Brieger at 3:10.
Event Center! With Sean Mooney! Kamala is apparently terrified of the camera.
Kamala v. Ross Greenberg
Vince notes that “Kamala is going to be dining at Summerslam…if you get my drift.” Come on, just say “He’s a cannibal”. I’m so tired of the politically correct dancing around the subject. The man has made the lifestyle choice to eat other human beings, and we should respect it and deal with it like adults. It’s no worse than keto. Big splash finishes at 2:44.
BREAKING NEWS! WITH SEAN MOONEY!
Yes, we have now learned that Repo Man faces Crush at Summerslam, and Tatanka gets Berzerker. Also, Virgil is so mad that he’s SHAKING because of what Nailz did to Big Bossman. Yeah, THAT’S why he’s shaking. Because of all the anger. Totally. Also, I’m pretty sure that Bossman heard that Virgil was fighting on his behalf and was like “Nah, I’m good. Is Tito Santana maybe available?”
British Bulldog v. Iron Mike Sharpe
Now I’m wondering if they’re mixing tapings because guys are coming out of different entrances from match to match. So Vince goes on a run about ICOPRO and how you’re “not going to find any pumped up steroid freaks” on the cover of anything to do with ICOPRO, and how they’re not selling “snake oil”. It’s all about SPORTS NUTRITION. And he says all of this with a straight face while DAVEY BOY SMITH is in the ring. A man where I’m shocked that the referee didn’t pat him down before the match and find a Fed-Ex package of loaded syringes in his kneepads. Anyway, Sharpe gets some offense with the injured forearm and pounds away for a bit, but Bulldog puts him away with the powerslam at 2:44. ALL NATURAL SPORTS NUTRITION right there, baby. I mean, there’s plenty of all natural effective ways to gain 150 pounds of muscle in a decade or less.
SUMMERSLAM REPORT! WITH MEAN GENE!
In case you weren’t paying attention earlier, Crush v. Repo Man is added to the card, and Repo Man is going to “repossess Crush’s career”. That’s doesn’t even make sense!
Meanwhile, “Body Stars” is apparently still a thing on USA Network, although all the WBF branding has now been dropped like Davey Boy ditching his stash while crossing the border.
Berzerker v. Jason Knight
They must still be in Glens Falls, New York if Knight is getting work again. Berzerker pounds on Knight and Tatanka does an inset promo about scalping Berzerker. Perfect rightly points out that Berzerker is the one with the sword, so that’s kind of stupid. Countout at 1:57 ends it. Hey, you know what would be an AWESOME idea to get Berzerker over? They should team him up with another Viking, and call them…nah, no one would be THAT idiotic.
Meanwhile, Crush thinks that besides being a cheat, a thief and a snake in the grass, Repo Man is an OK guy. Well that’s nice of him to say! I’m sure Repo Man feels good about himself hearing that and it’s helped improve his self-esteem.
NEXT WEEK: Undertaker! Money Inc! And Big Bossman returns to take on Skinner!
Wait a minute…I don’t think Crush was actually saying nice things about Repo Man, guys. That’s just sad.