The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars–07.25.92

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 07.25.92

Finally we are on the road to Summerslam! Driving on the left, of course.

Taped from Glens Falls, NY

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Mr. Perfect, with Mick Jagger’s birthday the holiday of note this week. Vince does the first Rolling Stones pun, but Perfect of course runs with them.

Tatanka v. Peter Motts

Holy CRAP. Here’s Motts, the green jobber with the mullet and dad bod:

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Amazingly, he grew up to be friggin’ PERRY SATURN. This show blows my mind sometimes. Tatanka fires away with a series of chops and finishes with the Wig Wam Bomb at 1:44.

Meanwhile, at a beach somewhere, it’s Jim Duggan and his team of WBF “stars” taking on Mr. Perfect and his group of heels in a TUG OF WAR. Sadly, it’s not until next week, so I don’t have highlights yet. I’m wondering if any of the bodybuilders will have their arms rip off like the guy in the SNL sketch.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE! BROUGHT TO YOU BY COLISEUM VIDEO!

And Gene has BREAKING NEWS, as the Natural Disasters won the tag team titles from Money Inc in Worcester MA and cut a happy promo.

Shawn Michaels v. Phil Apollo

Apollo gets some shots in at the bell, but Shawn takes him down with a neckbreaker and dropkicks him to the apron. Sherri offers Apollo a mirror, allowing Shawn to dropkick him from behind. Back in, Shawn with a double axehandle and superkick to set up the teardrop suplex at 1:35. Sherri was in a really foul mood for the entire match for some reason.

Meanwhile, Razor Ramon shoves some stupid nobody into a fountain and promises to take the WWF title. This guy was so money.

Event Center! High Energy fat-shames the Nasty Boys. Is that really necessary? Maybe it’s a glandular problem. Also, Repo Man hates the summertime because it’s too bright at night and he can’t sneak around in the dark. Well obviously he’s not very good at this job then.

SUMMERSLAM REPORT! WITH MEAN GENE!

Thank god we finally have a PPV to hype. Randy Savage defends the WWF title against Ultimate Warrior! Bret Hart defends the Intercontinental title against British Bulldog, who is married to his sister. Also, Undertaker faces Kamala and Shawn Michaels faces Rick Martel. Amazingly, the Shawn v. Martel match actually had a backstory, as Shawn accidentally cost Martel the IC title in a match with Bret last week on Challenge. How about that.

Nailz v. Jason Speed

Having the ref do a patdown of Nailz while he assumes the position is a funny bit. Nailz does his usual murder of the jobber, beating him down and punting him in the ribs before finishing with the choke sleeper at 1:12.

Mean Gene brings out Randy Savage and Ultimate Warrior for a special interview, as they have words leading up to Summerslam. Warrior just can’t see Savage as the best in the world and he’s got visions of being the champion again. Savage has an issue with this, of course. So while they puff out their chests at each other, Flair and Perfect head out to the ring and complain about getting put on the backburner. This sets up Flair’s amazing line “I’ve been beating up guys in face paint for years. I specialize in it!” Perfect accuses Savage of being the MACHO CHICKEN and Randy can take no more and attacks, much like Marty McFly. This results in a beatdown, but Warrior makes the save and then decides to covet the WWF title belt for a little bit. And this upsets Savage even more and we get a pull apart brawl to end the segment. This was EXCELLENT and would only get better once the Flair stuff got rolling.

The Beverly Brothers v. Chris Duffy & Red Tyler

The Beverlies are still threatening the “Legion of Sissies” at this point and making fun of the dummy, which is supposed to be make them heels for some reason. Shake Heights Spike finishes at 1:50. Who could possibly buy these guys as a serious challenge to the tag titles at Summerslam?

Event Center! Big Bossman yells and screams about LAW ORDER AND JUSTICE vis a vis Nailz, and Papa Shango still thinks he’s chasing Ultimate Warrior. Sorry, pal, you’ve been left behind.

Next week: Bret Hart! The Legion of Doom! Papa Shango! More matches for Summerslam!