Impact Wrestling – March 29, 2019

Impact Wrestling
Date: March 29, 2019
Location: Sam’s Town Hotel & Gambling Hall, Las Vegas, Nevada
Commentators: Don Callis, Josh Matthews

We’re still in Las Vegas and on the way to the both United We Stand and Rebellion, meaning it’s hard to say what we’re going to be seeing in the next few weeks. I’m hoping we get something fresh in the main event again like last week, as a break from the seemingly never ending World Title story was a welcome change of pace. Let’s get to it.

Opening recap and preview, this time with narration for a change. Apparently this is a special called Against All Odds. Shouldn’t that be something a little better known?

Opening sequence.

Here are LAX and the Lucha Bros for an unsanctioned fight, meaning the Tag Team Titles aren’t on the lines. The fight is on in a hurry with a worried Konnan watching from ringside. Security is out in a hurry and the fans want to seem them fight. The Bros superkick security and manage to sneak up on LAX with a pair of chair shots. Now it’s table time but LAX gets up with a pair of spinebusters to put them through the tables instead. The champs are down and LAX pose with the titles to win this round. This almost has to set up Full Metal Mayhem, which is almost all there is left.

Post match LAX and Konnan are very happy.

The announcers tell us that there has indeed been a challenge for Full Metal Mayhem. That certainly makes sense. The usual preview ensues.

Glenn Gilbertti vs. Scarlett Bordeaux

This is Scarlett’s in-ring debut. Before the match, Glenn offers Scarlett a way out of this but that’s not happening. Scarlett goes for some early rollups for two and sends Glenn outside, leaving her alone for some rather seductive sitting. Back in and Glenn throws her down by the hair but misses an elbow. A Stunner to the elbow gives Scarlett a breather and a high crossbody gets two. Glenn has had it and clotheslines her head off for two. We get the Garvin Stomp as Callis is losing his mind at all of this.

Glenn stops to dance but misses a charge in the corner and gets forearmed in the face. A running hip attack sets up a dancing Stinkface, which thankfully is over in a hurry. Glenn’s Russian legsweep into the Village People’s Elbow gets two more and he goes for the ten punches in the corner. Glenn: “I’m going to give her the ten punches in the corner.” Technical term I believe. As you might guess, he takes too long though and gets powerbombed down for the pin at 6:20.

Rating: D. This was about what you would have expected, though I’ll give them points for having an actual match instead of some lame comedy segment with a fluke pin. Scarlett being a trained wrestler helps a lot as she can do something like this to go along with all of her more signature stuff. It wasn’t good by any means, but it did everything it needed to do.

Taya Valkyrie isn’t sweating Jordynne Grace. Johnny Impact is thinking about some low carb popcorn while Cage fights Killer Kross tonight.

Post break some fans laugh at Gilbertti.

GWN Flashback of the week: Lethal Consequences vs. Beer Money from Against All Odds 2009.

We recap Gail Kim attacking Tessa Blanchard, which has forced Gail to resign.

Tessa Blanchard is happy Gail is here to apologize because she has the company by the balls. Gail may be a legend but legends come and go. Diamonds are forever.

Madison Rayne is coming back. Good? I guess? She’s fine but this isn’t exactly a game changer.

The Lucha Bros are down for Full Metal Mayhem.

Here’s Tessa to gloat about Gail Kim’s forced apology and resignation. She talks about how it’s a night for justice so Gail needs to get out here right now. Here’s a sad Gail, with Tessa saying how bad it must be to have everything taken from you. Gail apologizes but Tessa wants to know what the apology is for. Even more defeated, Gail says she’s sorry for the attack that cost her the Knockouts Title.

Gail resigned earlier today so Tessa has an apology of her own. She’s sorry that Gail’s era is known for bra and panties matches while Tessa’s era is breaking barriers. Gail is ready to leave, but there’s one more thing: she’s out of retirement and coming for Tessa. The beatdown is on and a scared/angry Tessa bails. They’ve set this up very slowly and logically….but egads I never need to see Gail around here again.

We recap last week’s main event with Rich Swann retaining the X-Division Title over Sami Callihan but being attacked by the newest OVE member, Madman Fulton.

OVE….I guess you would say mentally initiates Fulton by breaking him down and getting him to think like Sami.

Knockouts Title: Taya Valkyrie vs. Jordynne Grace

Grace is challenging. The fans are behind Grace as she busts out a cartwheel into a crucifix to start. Taya gets up a knee in the corner for a breather but walks into a hard shoulder for two. More strikes have Jordynne in trouble so she snaps off a German suplex to drop Taya on her head. They fight outside with Grace going head first into the post, followed a running knee in the corner for two. Taya chokes in the corner but stops to pose again, asking if the fans are entertained. A good spear gets one more on Grace and we take a break.

Back with Grace snapping off a suplex and avoiding a charge to send Taya into the post. That means a Vader Bomb for two but the Johnny Impact slide between the legs gets Taya out of trouble again. The moonsault misses but Taya is fine enough to block the Grace Driver (that needs a better name). Taya comes up holding her ribs though and here’s Impact to help her out for the countout at 12:45.

Rating: C-. They didn’t have much here but the important thing was having Grace beat her up long enough to warrant a rematch, which they certainly did. It’s not a bad match at all and having the rematch set up is perfectly fine. The Knockouts division is really pretty diverse at the moment and they’re running several stories at the same time, which is a lot harder than it sounds. Well done indeed and hopefully they keep it up.

Post match Cage comes out before Impact and Taya can escape. Killer Kross comes out to choke and post Cage as we take a break.

Brian Cage vs. Killer Kross

Joined in progress with Cage hitting a hard clothesline to get himself out of trouble but Kross posts him again. A hammerlock slam stays on Cage’s arm and a DDT on the arm makes it even worse. Cage has to block a cross armbreaker and sends Kross to the apron for the apron superplex, which is quickly countered into an arm crank over the shoulder. Back in and we hit another armbar as it’s almost all Kross so far.

Another armbreaker is blocked with a rope break and Cage manages to send him outside as we take a quick break. We come back with Kross grabbing the Krossjacket choke but getting rammed into the corner. Cage’s powerslam gets two but he can’t manage a suplex. The Doomsday Saito gets one on Cage and he’s fine enough for a powerbomb backbreaker for two of his own.

There’s an F5 for two with Impact sneaking back in to put the foot on the ropes. Taya gets in a low blow and it’s another Doomsday Saito for….three at 15:32? I’m confused because Cage kicked out and Kross looked stunned but the referee called for the bell anyway. That sounds like a twist and maybe Johnny has a cheating referee.

Rating: C+. This was more about the angle than the match and they did that well enough. It’s smart to have some kind of screwiness at the end to cost Cage the win before his title match, which isn’t something that companies (and by that I mean WWE) tend to always get right. Kross looked dominant, though having him as Impact’s muscle still isn’t the greatest story in the world.

Post match Impact Pillmanizes Cage’s arm and kisses Taya.

Rosemary and the still chained Allie go into the Undead Realm to end this, with Kiera Hogan sneaking in behind them. We get a song in the background as they find James Mitchell with his gang of freaks, who surround a ring. Of course there’s a ring in the Undead Realm. James is just setting the table for the master so Rosemary has to fight his army. We start with Luchasaurus as Rosemary pulls out a clever…and gets kicked in the face as the chained Allie stays in the corner.

Rosemary mists Luchasaurus and STABS HIM as this is getting into Lucha Underground territory. Two more masked guys come in and beat her down but take too long pulling out a sword, earning themselves a nice butchering. The Undead Bridesmaids but Kiera throws Rosemary the sword and…well you get the idea. Rosemary yells at Kiera for coming as Su Yung pops up to unchain Allie.

The fight is on and Allie gets the better of Rosemary but can’t bring herself to actually stab her. Rosemary fights back and goes to stab Su but Mitchell has a clever to Kiera’s throat. The master comes in and it’s Kevin Sullivan of all people (makes sense really) to say Rosemary knows how this is going to end. All of this is for nothing because it’s never ending.

Su pops up with her Freddie Kruger razor glove but Allie shoves Rosemary out of the way and gets STABBED THROUGH THE THROAT, complete with blood. Kiera shoves Mitchell away (which I guess she could just do) and goes to hold Allie with Rosemary. Allie morphs back into her old self and says it’s ok and vanishes, leaving a furious Rosemary to end the show.

This was out of the Broken Hardys playbook and I liked it. Thank goodness they just got rid of Allie (while leaving a slight door open for her return) and gave us some closure to the story instead of something lame like her just leaving. The story has been over the top so far so keep it that way until the ending. I get why you might not like this one but if you’re into some off the regular path stuff, it worked.

Overall Rating: C. You could say this one was all over the place with storyline advancement, man vs. woman in something that wasn’t as comedy based as you would have thought and MURDER. That being said, this show blew by with nothing being overly bad and two major matches being set up for Rebellion. The best thing here was having enough variety that it wasn’t boring, which is a good sign. Now if only Rebellion can be awesome, they’ll be in an even better place. This show was good enough with nothing but, though nothing was really high quality. Call it a mixed bag, but certainly not a boring one.

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