The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars–06.20.92

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 06.20.92

How could I go a week without Papa Shango?

Taped from Lexington, KY

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Mr. Perfect, and this week is National Pest Control Week. So of course Mr. P goes off on a bug tangent.

The Legion of Doom v. Barry Hardy & Tom Bennett

I think this is about the fourth set of tights I’ve seen Hardy wearing over the past few weeks, if you’re counting the Executioner gimmick. I guess travelling jobbers have to have gear ready to go at a moment’s notice. Animal with a powerslam on Bennett while the Beverlies do a drop-in where they accuse the LOD of celebrating Mother’s Day on Father’s Day, because they’re sissies and mama’s boys. Doomsday Device finishes Hardy at 1:40. Hawk grabs some kid out of the audience and carries him around the ring for a nice moment. You know, they seem really over, but the act is just missing SOMETHING…

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

Brought to you by WWF Ice Cream Bars. Wait, were those still around in 1992? I thought that was strictly an 80s deal. Anyway, let us take you back to last week as Randy Savage does an empty arena promo, I guess to make Flair feel like he’s back in WCW.

Papa Shango v. Chris Hahn

Makes sense for PAPA Shango to wrestle here, since it was Father’s Day and all. In an odd twist, the jobber enters second, which is probably leading to some kind of gimmick. And he’s wearing a baseball cap and conspicuous towel around his neck to really lampshade what’s about to happen. And yeah, as soon as he removes the towel and hat, HIS HAND IS ON FIRE! IT’S BURNING HIS FLESH!

Too bad it wasn’t a tag team match because that would have brought new meaning to “the hot tag”.

Anyway, no match, and it’s off to the Event Center, sponsored by ICOPRO! I mean, there’s no spontaneous human combustion, but Crush is doing a promo about how he likes to crush stuff.

Sgt. Slaughter v. Red Tyler

I was going to make a joke about Papa Shango cursing Red Tyler with pasty skin and red hair but then I realized I already used that one. Slaughter Cannon gets two and then he finishes with the cobra clutch at 1:34.

This month in the WBF Magazine, Vince McMahon presents a hard-hitting story about “Life After Steroids”, which talks about how the effects of steroid use can linger long after you stop taking them. Yeah, unfortunately we learned THAT lesson many times over in the years following. Nothing like Titan Sports for giving us the hard science and tough stance against steroids.

Repo Man v. Brian Costello

Repo chokes him out on the ropes while British Bulldog does an inset promo threatening to bite back. Well no wonder he tried to subdue him with a rope. Who knows where Bulldog has been? Dude was hanging out with bikers and dealing drugs at the time. Anyway, half-crab finishes at 1:46. I was reading an interview with Darsow where he talked about pitching a babyface turn for the Repo Man character shortly before he left after Rumble 93, and I’m thinking that would be a stretch, to say the least. Would he be like Robin Hood, stealing from heels and giving it to the kids in the audience?

Crush v. The Brooklyn Brawler

Brawler slugs away in the corner, but Crush puts him down with a big boot while Perfect offers a Happy Father’s Day to Larry the Axe, which might be the first time I can recall him being mentioned on WWF TV! Crush goes up with a flying clubbing forearm and then finishes with the head vice at 1:55. He’s still not getting over at this point.

Shawn Michaels joins us for a special interview with Mean Gene while Sherri holds a mirror so he can admire himself. Probably not far from the truth. Anyway, pretty soon he’ll be able to see his beautiful reflection in the Intercontinental title instead of the mirror, but for now he’s worried about women rushing the stage and tearing him apart, so it’s time to go. I think we’ve all been there.

Meanwhile, in Miami, Razor Ramon continues living the good life while everyone lives like pigs in squalor. Damn, I’m still shocked that Hall didn’t come in and get the WWF title within two months. That gimmick was MONEY.

The Undertaker v. Dwayne Gill

Gill foolishly rushes in and gets booted down, and Taker follows with a chokeslam and ropewalk before finishing with the flying clothesline and tombstone at 2:21. You know, just thinking about this for 5 seconds, wouldn’t the matchups had made more sense with Undertaker v. Papa Shango and Ultimate Warrior v. Berzerker? Undertaker was typically into the supernatural bullshit anyway and fighting a Viking would be right up Warrior’s alley.

BREAKING NEWS! SHAWN MICHAELS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!

Money Inc. v. Rock Werner & Butler Stevens

Butler gets double-teamed by the champs in their corner, and then Rock gets powerslammed by Dibiase and finished by IRS with the Writeoff clothesline at 1:40. I like their inset promo where they honor Father’s Day by flashing the founding fathers on their cash, especially Ben Franklin. That’s pretty clever, actually.

Decent show this week!