The SmarK Rant for WWF Sunday Night Heat–03.21.99

The SmarK Rant for WWF Sunday Night Heat – 03.21.99

Ooo, rated S for Sexual Content.

Taped from wherever.

Your hosts are Kevin Kelly & Shane McMahon

The Corporation joins us to start, minus “Big Show” Paul Wight and Vince. So the Rock declares that he’s the guy in charge tonight, given he’s the Great One and WWF champion and all. Rock talks smack about everyone in the Corporation and calls them all losers who are all riding the Rock’s coattails. Specifically, Bossman’s “hard time” is a bunch of crap, tonight the nightstick shall be shoved up his rectum.

Meanwhile, Shane tries to talk sense into the paranoid Rock.

Hardcore title: Billy Gunn v. Al Snow

Snow cleverly hides behind the barricade to ambush Gunn, who color commentator Bob Holly notes is “too pretty to be hardcore”. Well I guess I depends what KIND of hardcore you’re talking about. OK, so a week out of Wrestlemania, they specifically note here that the WM match is still Road Dogg v. Snow v. Holly in a Hardcore match, but it’s NOT for the Hardcore title. This booking was so weird. They do some low level brawling on the floor and Snow gets a chair in the ring to take over, but misses a moonsault. Gunn hits him with his own chairshot, but Snow hits him with Head and retrieves a table, but Gunn whips him into it, at which point Hardcore Holly runs in and knocks out both guys with a chair, and Gunn hits the fameasser for the pin at 4:10 to retain. This was just misguided on every level. No one bought Gunn as a “Hardcore” wrestler and it just confused people to have the feuds switched at the last minute.

Meanwhile, Test tries to make peace with Rock via his amazing acting skills, but Rock calls him “Barbie” and tells him to go and fix him a sandwich. No cheese.

And now, a special look at X-Pac. He sounds completely drunk off his ass while commentating on the video footage shown. This was supposed to somehow make me want to see the European title match at Wrestlemania, and it so did not.

Meanwhile, the Mean Street Posse relate another story about the fights Shane has been in, including the mysteriously shaded Willie Green talking about a 20-on-2 bar fight in a bathroom where Green was smashing bottles on his own head and eating the glass.

Intercontinental title: Road Dogg v. Ken Shamrock

Dogg’s singles introduction is getting more labored by the week. Shamrock attacks before the bell but misses a spinkick and Road Dogg slugs him down for the shaky knees. Shamrock catches him with a powerslam for two while Shane continues denying that the Bossman v. Rock main event is actually happening. Dogg comes back and clotheslines Ken to the floor, but Val Venis runs in for the DQ at 1:48 and then Goldust comes out for the four-way brawl. Just a match.

Dr. Death Steve Williams v. The Hardy Boyz

This is gonna be a low point for the Hardyz. They attack Doc in the corner while Shane accuses Kelly of hanging out in the dressing room and “sniffing jocks”, but Doc hurls Jeff into Matt and kills him with a german suplex before finishing Matt with an Oklahoma Stampede at 1:15. See, now had they just introduced Williams like THAT instead of the nonsense with the Brawl For All, you would have had a viable challenger to Steve Austin.

The Godfather v. HHH

HHH tries to encourage some action from the ladies, but I guess they don’t work for free. Godfather attacks him for disrespecting his trashbag ho collection and hits HHH with the Ho Train and a sidekick for two. Legdrop misses and HHH USES THE KNEE to come back, but walks into a sideslam that gets two. Another Ho Train misses by a mile and KICK WHAM PEDIGREE finishes at 2:15. Another totally fine match as this show is in precariously dangerous territory of not sucking.

Meanwhile, Paul Wight, who all the kids are calling “The Big Show”, arrives with about 10 minutes left in a one hour show. No wonder he had heat backstage.

Meanwhile, on RAW, Undertaker burns Vince’s teddy bear and burns a cross on Vince’s lawn while threatening a mysteriously unnamed female member of Vince’s family that we haven’t met yet. I wonder if that ever went anywhere? Vince doesn’t have a DAUGHTER, does he?

Big Bossman v. The Rock

Rock clotheslines Bossman out of the corner and they immediately brawl to the floor, where Rock stops to do commentary for himself before Bossman fights back and then the lights go out for the Sportz Entertainment Finish at 1:00 and the Ministry of Darkness runs in to attack Bossman while Rock casually grabs his belt and walks out. Undertaker stares him down at the top of the ramp and we’re out.

This was actually a decent and totally watchable show! How about that. The booking continues to make no sense, but this was way more calm and chilled out than last week’s 10 second match festival.