The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 06.06.92
OK, we’re done with the nutso Syracuse tapings and hopefully can get back to a semblance of reality again. On the other hand, the last four weeks have done giant numbers on the site, so maybe more Papa Shango is better?
Taped from Lexington, KY
Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Mr. Perfect. Sadly, no bullshit national holidays for Perfect to make puns about this week.
Bret Hart v. Tom Stone
Bret with a headbutt and atomic drop to put Stone on the floor while we get an inset from Shawn, who appears to be in love with his own reflection in the mirror. Not out of the realm of possibility based on what we know. Bret with the Russian legsweep and Sharpshooter to finish at 1:54. Interesting that we’re into June now and they’re still full speed ahead with Bret v. Shawn as the direction.
UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE! SPONSORED BY ICOPRO!
In fact, Gene shows a rare picture of what ICOPRO actually is, and here we go!
For me, there’s too many components named after X-Men to be comfortable ingesting any of that into my body, and I’m speaking as someone who consumes frightening amounts of energy drinks that are literally the same color as nuclear waste.
Anyway, speaking of frightening, last week the mysterious convict laid a beating on the Big Bossman. Interesting that they missed overdubbing his voice with the Black Scorpion 3000 for the first few times he says “COME ON BOSSMAN!” and then suddenly modulated him in post later in the beating. Mean Gene is so offended that he demands the video be stopped, and then spreads rumors about Bossman’s career being OVER. Call the hotline to find out more! Also, another hot newz scoop, as the convict is named NAILZ, and he cuts a promo from somewhere, with his voice properly remodulated this time, promising more beatings.
The Nasty Boys v. Reno Riggins & Major Yates
Quality jobbers this week, actually! High Energy cuts a coked up inset promo and Sags finishes Yates with an elbow somehow even worse than Shane McMahon’s version at 2:00.
NEXT SATURDAY: The WBF Championship is on PPV and then we never have to fucking hear about it again!
The Texas Tornado v. Mike Collins
Vince once again stresses that the WBF will set the standard for drug free competition, and speaking of drug-free competition, here’s Kerry Von Erich! Kerry’s got so little going on at this point that his inset promo is making his pick for the WBF championship. Kerry hits Collins with a pair of short clotheslines and finishes with the discus punch at 1:13.
Speaking of nothing going on, the Event Center sees Virgil cutting a promo where he pretty much just says he’s ready for all comers and doesn’t even have a specific heel to threaten. That’s like those UFC post-match promos where the guy just meekly says they’ll fight whoever Dana White finds for them.
The Beverly Brothers v. Mike Samples & Scott Bailey
The Beverlies hit new highs of heel heat by stealing a little kid’s foam LOD shoulderpads and painting “LOS” on them. “You’re the legion of sissies!” yells some kid at ringside in response. Yeah, you tell ‘em, kid! Also, why were they not counted out after the bell rang and they were standing out there messing with the kid? Their unnamed finisher ends it at 2:34. And then they paint the poor jobber, put a fake mohawk on him, and then steal the shoulderpads again and make the guy wear them while he has to stand there for minutes like he’s concussed or something.
Meanwhile, Tito Santana cuts a promo almost as generic as Virgil’s, which might foreshadow their eventual union as a tag team on RAW. At least I’d like to think that’s the case.
Crush v. George Anderson
Vince basically eulogizes Big Bossman, calling him one of the all time greats like he’s dead. Crush gets a press slam and legdrop, then debuts the HEAD CRUSHER at 1:30.
About as equally terrifying as a finisher.
Papa Shango joins us for a special interview with Mean Gene he does his usual gibberish interview and then “curses” Gene, who suddenly convulses and has black stuff dripping out of his sleeve. Maybe he was just smuggling black tar heroin?
High Energy v. Kato & Kevin Kruger
I will say, at least getting the Max Moon gig was a step up for Paul Diamond. Owen trades some WHATAMANEUVERS with Kato while Perfect mocks their ridiculous ring gear, rightly so. Kato gets some offense on Koko, but misses a charge and gets dropkicked. Kruger comes in and Owen gets a monkey flip out of the corner, setting up a missile dropkick from Koko into an Owen rollup for the pin at 2:20. They just didn’t have any chemistry as a team and it made Owen look like a dork trying to keep up with Koko’s antics.
Repo Man v. Dan Robbins
Repo chokes away on the ropes to start and gets a backbreaker, which sets up the half-crab for the win at 1:30.
Well that was a disappointingly normal episode. Probably because I led off this review by talking about how successful the batshit crazy episodes were for me.