Smackdown – September 16, 2004

Smackdown
Date: September 16, 2004
Location: Spokane Arena, Spokane, Washington
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re coming up on No Mercy and a lot of the card is either already set or pretty clear. Last week saw the return of the Big Show, who you know is going to be treated as a major star. To be fair, when he’s motivated and ready to go, he’s not half bad. The problem is when he’s more than half bad, which happens far too often. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Big Show returning and beating up the lumberjacks last week. That was a good way to showcase his dominance.

Opening sequence.

Torrie Wilson comes out to ring announce for the sake of eye candy.

Booker T. vs. John Cena

Match #4 in the Best of Five series with Booker up 2-1. Booker starts fast with an early rollup for two, followed by a backslide for the same. Cena’s sunset flip and small package get the same, plus a VERY enthusiastic reaction from a fan in the front row. That’s enough to send Booker outside for a breather as we take a break. Back with Booker kicking him in the face for two and grabbing one of the most quickly broken chinlocks I’ve ever seen. Booker is right back with a hard superkick for two and a longer chinlock.

A rollup with feet on the ropes gives Booker two but Cena’s flapjack is enough to actually start the comeback. The big shoulder misses though and Booker nails a spinebuster for two more. An attempt to bring in the belt gets Booker rolled up for two more and the Shuffle is good for the same. The referee gets shoved though and Booker nails him with the belt, as somehow the referee is fine with Cena going from normal to out in half a second. That’s only good for two as well, followed by a quick FU to tie up the series.

Rating: C+. They still have good chemistry together sot he match was easy to watch, though it’s not exactly something that is worth seeing. Cena is getting better and better every day at this point and you can feel his time starting to come. Booker is still a big enough deal to be a threat to him, but I don’t think there’s any hiding the fact that it’s Cena’s title to win soon.

Theodore Long praises Big Show for his return and offers Show a match with either Kurt Angle or Eddie Guerrero at No Mercy. Just please not a triple threat.

Next week: a night of stars as it’s the fifth anniversary of Smackdown! Hulk Hogan! Mick Foley! Stephanie McMahon! Yes Stephanie is listed third here! Vince McMahon! Steve Austin!

Michael Cole brings out Billy Kidman for a chat. Cole talks about Kidman losing his confidence over the botched shooting star press and costing himself and Paul London the Tag Team Titles last week (actually a pretty unique story). Kidman doesn’t like being called a quitter because he walked out on last week’s match to prevent another injury. He’s really just misunderstood because all he wants to do is keep people save. A few weeks ago his knee drove Chavo’s head into the mat and now these bloodthirsty fans want to see him do it again?

This brings out Paul London to say he doesn’t believe Kidman is misunderstood. Kidman walked out on him and cost them the titles because Kidman quit. London hands him the mic but Kidman has nothing to say, earning himself a slap in the face. Kidman walks away without saying anything. I’m liking this story.

Smackdown Flashback Moment: TLC III.

Rob Van Dam/Rey Mysterio vs. Dudley Boyz

D-Von punches Rob into the corner to start but gets kicked in the face for his efforts. It’s off to Mysterio for two off a Lionsault press to D-Von. Bubba comes in and gets punched as well, only to have Spike trip Rey up like a good villainous boss who happens to look 13 years old tends to do.

One heck of a release wheel barrow suplex gives Bubba two so he promises to do it again. Since he’s kind of loud, Rey knows what’s coming and reverses into his layout bulldog instead. That’s enough for the hot tag to Rob, who gets to kick D-Von in the face again. Near heel miscommunication ensues again, allowing Rey to dive onto Bubba. The Five Star finishes D-Von, despite a big bounce that delays the cover.

Rating: C-. I feel like we’ve seen this match a dozen times in recent months. That doesn’t mean it’s a bad one, but it’s something that has been done so many times before that it doesn’t have much of an impact. Spike as the Dudleys’ boss isn’t exactly getting them somewhere, though I can get the idea of trying to freshen the team up a little bit.

Post match Spike yells at both Dudleys, including a low blow to D-Von. Dang D-Von has taken quite the beating tonight.

Cole talks about last week’s situation with Paul Heyman and Heidenreich, so Tazz shows us a clip. Cole won’t apologize.

Eddie comes in to see Big Show and praises him for how awesome last week’s return was. It made him think of the Running of the Bulls, because there was one bull who stood 7’ and weighed 500lbs. Eddie: “That’s a lot of bull.” Show has two contracts, but Eddie wants the fight at No Mercy.

Orlando Jordan and JBL arrive with the champ saying he has to prove he’s not afraid of the Undertaker. That means calling him out again tonight.

Here’s JBL in the arena and I guess tonight meant next. He does not flip flop like so many political figures of today, so Undertaker can get out here RIGHT NOW. Undertaker comes out (thankfully the full sized version this time) and JBL actually sends Jordan to the back to do this one on one. The hat and tie come off and the fight begins, with Undertaker kicking him in the head.

The threat of a chokeslam sends JBL bailing but here are Gangrel and Viscera of all people to jump Undertaker. Viscera hits a chokebomb, which Cole calls a “variation of a double chokeslam into a sitout powerbomb.” Since that’s exactly what the move is, what is it a variation of? The beatdown cuts off Undertaker’s comeback and a pair of splashes keep him laying. JBL poses on Undertaker because he never learns.

Sign up for Tough Enough!

Kenzo Suzuki/Rene Dupree vs. FBI

Non-title and now I’m supposed to cheer for the FBI? Tazz can’t understand why the Japanese Hiroko is walking around the French poodle. Earlier today, Nunzio and Stamboli agreed to stick with the game plan for the match. Dupree shoulders Stamboli to start with little effect. Some power puts Dupree in trouble so it’s off to Nunzio, who gets low bridged to the floor.

As the match goes on, here’s Heidenreich to kidnap Cole from the announcers’ table. With the two of them gone, Dupree hits the French Tickler….and now Tazz goes off to find Cole and Heidenreich. The hot tag brings in Stamboli to take over but Kenzo shoves Nunzio off the top. Dupree’s Michinoku Driver is enough to pin Stamboli. Too much of the match was spent on the announcers’ stuff, but that was more interesting than anything going on in the ring.

Raw Rebound.

And now, the scene where Heidenreich is implied to be raping Michael Cole. We go to the back where Cole is standing face first against a wall with Heidenreich behind him. The look on Cole’s face tells you just about all you need to know here and Heidenreich….uh….I guess the term would be thrusting, which shakes Cole at the same time, pretty much confirms it. Heidenreich says he’s been studying Cole and they “have the same desires.” Heidenreich: “I’m going to give you what you want.”

Heidenreich locks the door, making Cole look even more afraid. He keeps his face next to Cole’s ear and breathes, as this is one of those things where you can’t realistically say it’s anything else. I absolutely do not remember it being this blunt but my goodness man. That’s rather disturbing to see and it’s hard to believe this ever made air.

Luther Reigns comes in to see Big Show. He knows it’s a tough decision, but Show should pick Eddie. See, the WWE needs Angle around and Show already put him on the shelf for several months. The three of them are different and outcasts, because Eddie doesn’t care about Show. Reigns and Angle do though, and Show needs to think about that. They’re really making this out to be a big deal when Show might as well flip a coin.

Match #5 between Cena and Booker will take place at No Mercy. We still have no commentary to talk about this.

Heidenreich now has Cole by the throat and says he’s going to give Cole something he’s wanted to share with him since the moment he saw Cole for the first time. It’s a poem, which talks about how Heidenreich is a tortured soul and his heart was broken years ago. Cole goes to leave and gets out, only after Heidenreich commands and receives a thank you. Thus ends one of the most disturbing segments in Smackdown history.

Charlie Haas vs. Spike Dudley

Non-title and here’s Tazz again to do solo commentary and Bubba and D-Von are in Spike’s corner. Charlie takes him down with an amateur hold to start, followed by a rather fast armdrag. The fans are too busy whistling at Miss Jackie (fair enough), who gets surrounded by Bubba and D-Von. It’s enough of a distraction for Bubba to snap the arm over the middle rope and Spike goes after the arm. That means the Bob Backlund lifting slam counter, followed by a top rope spinning crossbody counter. The Dudley Dog is broken up but D-Von comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D. This was little more than a way for Tazz to come back out and fill in some time in the ring. Haas and Jackie are fine enough as an act, but it’s almost impossible to have Haas, who isn’t the most interesting guy in the world, get attention when Jackie looks like she does. It’s not like the ending here was really in that much doubt, as it was going to be this or Bubba and D-Von cheating to give Spike the pin.

Post match the double beatdown is on until Rico returns for the save.

Carlito walks in front of moving cars to talk about how cool he is.

Next week: Undertaker vs. Mideon and Viscera. So Long can order non-contracted wrestlers into matches?

Speaking of Long, here he is for the contract signing. Before anyone else comes out, we get a quick poll on who the fans want to see face Big Show. Eddie seems to be the favorite, but here’s Big Show to make his decision. Angle, Reigns and Guerrero all join him though as this is getting a ridiculous amount of time. Before Show can make his choice, Angle says he doesn’t hold a grudge over his broken leg. He’s a businessman, and it would be bad business for Show to pick him. Show’s first pay per view match back should be against someone who doesn’t like him.

The right business move is to destroy Eddie, proving that Show will fight for the people. Eddie promises Show a fight that he’ll remember for the rest of his life. Long presents him with both contracts, with Tazz getting in a very nice point of clarity by saying which is which. The fans want a triple threat but Show isn’t sure what to do. He signs the Eddie contract but Angle jumps Guerrero.

Show laughs for a bit before breaking the Eddie contract over his knee and signing to face Angle. As usual: I don’t think WWE has any idea how contracts work. Reigns kicks Show in the face but Eddie gets back up and helps clear the ring. Long makes a tag match for next week’s main event to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. What in the world am I supposed to say about this one? The wrestling was more miss than hit, the show ended on a nearly fifteen minute Big Show segment, there was no commentary for a lot of the show, and….I know I’m forgetting something here. Something disturbing that has been brought up for nearly fifteen years since it actually took place and is the main thing that anyone remembers about a wrestler. Eh must have already been blocked from my mind for reasons of general disturbances. Nothing good to see here, though it wasn’t lacking energy for most of the night.

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