The SmarK Rant for Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling–02.02.85

The SmarK Rant for Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling – 02.02.85

Haven’t checked out of these out in a bit, so let’s get back into it.

Taped from what literally appears to be a high school gym somewhere in South Carolina.

Your hosts are Bob Caudle & Johnny Weaver

Don Kernodle v. Jeff Sword

Kernodle works the arm to start and that goes on for a while. The ring noise is AWFUL, as the mic sounds way too hot and everything is distorted as a result. Sword makes a brief jobber comeback, but Kernodle finishes him with a slam and flying clothesline off the top rope at 3:56. Johnny Weaver notes that “with the bumps that Kernodle took, that neck’s gotta be in good shape!” Good to know.

Dusty Rhodes has literal sacks of money, totaling $10,000 in silver dollars that Tully Blanchard can have if he can beat Dusty.

Superstar Graham & The Barbarian v. Lee Ramsay & Sam Houston

Graham quickly puts Ramsay into a backbreaker and then uses KUNG FU to put him down. Barbarian comes in and rakes the face and chokes him out. Graham beats on him with knees in the corner and then hauls in Houston and beats on him as well, as Tommy Young seems quite unconcerned about which jobber is legal. Barbarian lets him tag out again anyway and destroys Ramsay instead, which sets up the FULL NELSON OF DEATH at 3:50 from Superstar. They’re hyping up a potential title shot for Graham & Barbarian and now I’m sad they never won the titles because they’re so terrible they go all the way around to awesome again.

Dick Slater joins us as we get clips from Worldwide of Terry Funk joining with the Long Riders and beating the shit out of him. So Dick wants all the powers that be to stay out of the situation, because the Long Riders neglected to FINISH HIM OFF and now they’re in trouble.

Cowboy Ron Bass v. Tommy Lane

Apparently Bass is still Mid-Atlantic champion despite being exclusively involved in a tag team with Black Bart at this point. The title was close to being dropped anyway, along with the Mid-Atlantic tag titles. Bass pounds Lane down for a while, works the arm, and finishes with a running powerslam at 3:00. Caudle forgets the jobber’s name at this point and changes him into Frank Lang, for whatever reason.

Superstar Graham is here to do more KUNG FU, and Paul Jones is really annoyed that he’s been issuing challenges week after week and everyone is too scared of the Ballbearing and/or Graham’s giant arms.

JJ Dillon wants to assure everyone that he is aware of Terry Funk’s willingness to turn on him at a moment’s notice, but he’s not worried because Funk is all about the money and that’s the important thing.

World TV Title: Tully Blanchard v. Frank Lang

Tully works a headlock, but Lang fights out with a brief comeback before Tully puts him away with the slingshot suplex at 2:30.

The Russians and their giant six-man trophy have many goals for 1985, including regaining their Russian flag from Kernodle and winning the World tag titles from Dusty and Manny Fernandez. That’s some pretty effective goal-setting. Nikita’s English is actually pretty good here, and got worse as he went along over the course of the year. Also coming soon is the dreaded KRUSHER KRUSCHEV.

Wahoo McDaniel knows that Flair is scared of him because he’s the only one in the NWA with a shot at winning that World title. Flair told him never to touch his belt again unless he won it, so Wahoo is confident he’ll be touching it again right away.

Nikita Koloff v. Mike Fever

This won’t last long. Nikita charges in and elbows him down, no-sells all of his geek offense, and puts him down with the Russian Hammer. He stops to yell at someone with an American flag in the crowd as the small crowd is pretty hot, and then goes to a chinlock and yells a lot. Man, they really improved him a lot when they figured out that Nikita’s squashes needed to be 30 seconds or less. The phrase “less is more” is very apt with Nikita. Sickle finally finishes at 4:10.

Manny Fernandez is unaware that any other nation besides the USA is #1, and he’s sick of hearing other people expressing their opinions otherwise. RUSSIA IS GOING DOWN IN 85 LIKE THE EGG-SUCKING DOGS THEY ARE! ROCK N ROLL! Also, Magnum TA would really like Wahoo’s US title , and we actually take a break and return so Magnum can finish cutting his promo on Wahoo. He’ll alleviate Wahoo of the title! That sounds painful.

Buzz Tyler, Manny Fernandez & Steve Casey v. Joel Deaton, Ben Alexander & Doug Vines

Vines and Alexander actually have matching jobber tights with three stars on the back. Does Vines’ longtime partner Jeff Sword know about this betrayal, I wonder? Black Bart joins us on commentary and threatens to tear up ANOTHER of Buzz Tyler’s shirts because he HATES South Carolina and will happily deface any merchandise that glorifies the state. OK then. Vines gets triple-teamed by the dog’s breakfast of babyfaces, and then Ben Alexander (who as always looks like he was teaching Social Studies in the school they’re filming at) gets killed as well. Back to poor Doug Vines, who has been getting beat up non-stop, but he dodges a charge from Casey and Deaton comes in. And then he gets beat up by Manny, who goes to work on the leg and the babyfaces switch off on that for a while. Bull wraps him up in a leglock and Alexander comes in and Tyler leglocks him as well before Bull finishes with a pair of chops at 8:00. This was unnecessarily long, I’d say. Apparently this was supposed to strike fear into the heart of the Russians, according to the announcers.

Tully Blanchard and his…uh…perfect 10 Baby Doll are sick of everyone challenging him and changing the rules on him. Sure, Dusty might have $10,000, but if he’s gotta wrestle with one hand behind his back and one foot tied up, then it’s not worth it. Especially since Dusty is the CHALLENGER and living on his past glories. So if Dusty can last an hour with him in the ring, he’ll give Dusty his own $10,000. Oh good lord please don’t let me have to watch them for an hour.

And then I’m always amused when Dusty Rhodes is the subject of the final promo in the show, and then who gets first billing in the credits as “Senior Producer”? Three guesses.