The SmarK Rant for Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling–01.19.85

The SmarK Rant for Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling – 01.19.85

Taped from Charlotte, NC

Your hosts are Bob Caudle & Johnny Weaver

We get a clip of some kind of “battle royal” as a cold open. What a crazy idea! Anyway, this is never mentioned again or followed up on.

Steve Casey v. Jeff Sword

This is apparently a special treat for us, the fans, to watch British Empire Champion Steve Casey. Lucky me. Lucky lucky me. Sword pulls his hair to take him down, but Casey gets a flying headscissors and cartwheels into a slap. HOW DARE HE, SIR! WHAT A CAD! Sword cuts off a backdrop attempt by kicking him in the face and tosses him to the floor, but Casey fights his way back in and hits a British style missile dropkick to finish at 2:34. Replay shows that the dropkick barely grazed Sword’s shoulder. Match was OK. 1 for 1.

Meanwhile, Bob Caudle is still trying hard to make that beard happen, but we move onto an interview with Rick Steamboat & Don Kernodle, as Don expresses gratitude for Ricky saving him from the Russians recently. So we cut to footage of a cage match where the Russian commie bastards were brutalizing the TRUE AMERICAN Kernodle, which actually prompted Steamboat to run down and RIP THE FUCKING DOOR OFF THE CAGE and make the save. Ricky naturally downplays his superhuman feat as no big deal. So wacky. I’ll award it a point. 2 for 2.

Superstar Billy Graham & The Barbarian v. Sam Houston & Tommy Lane

Speaking of wacky, it’s KUNG FU Graham and super-green Barbarian as the tag team I never knew I needed in my life until now. So yeah, the ball bearing mauls Lane with headbutts and Graham comes in to use his martial arts of indeterminate origin (mostly kicking and punching) and tosses Lane. However, in a plot twist, Starship Eagle (who initially looked like Barry Windham, which is probably why he got a job being Not Barry Windham in the WWF soon afterwards) comes out to yell at Paul Jones about accepting Graham’s full nelson challenge. There’s a time and place, Danny. Meanwhile, Sam Houston comes in and gets destroyed like a complete geek in the heel corner, setting up the Full Nelson from Graham to finish at 3:30. What a full nelson has to do with the mystic oriental arts, I don’t know. All I know, this was amazing. 3 for 3.

Wahoo McDaniel, newly crowned US champion, is here to do what he wants to do, and the fans can go to hell. Case in point, we get footage of him betraying Ric Flair and brutalizing him in exchange for Flair hiding behind the promoters and being a CHICKEN. Wahoo doesn’t even want to hear Flair’s rebuttal and he walks off, but Bob Caudle shows the footage anyway. So yeah, Flair (who is a babyface in Mid-Atlantic but a heel on TBS) has comments after the attack about how he wanted to be just like Wahoo when he started wrestling, but now Wahoo can’t stand being second best and then Flair cuts an AMAZING crazed fired up promo and would you mess with this guy?

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I sure wouldn’t. Wahoo is never gonna touch his belt again unless he’s man enough to leave him laying. Awesome. 4 for 4.

Buzz Tyler & Assassin #1 v. Doug Vines & Joel Deaton

Tyler continues to think that he’s Bugsy McGraw, but even less cool, and the babyfaces hit stereo slams on the jobbers to clear the ring. Assassin works a headlock on Vines and lays on him, which should really be considered an illegal smother due to him being 300 pounds squeezed into a suit made for a 220 pound guy. Tyler comes in with a powerslam to finish Deaton at 2:35. Man, what a great babyface that Assassin #1 is. All the kids love middle aged fat guys stuffed into black spandex bodysuits. 4 for 5.

Dick Slater and Manny Fernandez join us and they’re pretty sick of Wahoo’s bullshit too. So eerie how Ambrose lifted so much from Slater. Manny as usual names a bunch of people and doesn’t actually say much.

Magnum TA v. Mike Fever

Wham bam belly to belly at 0:19 before I can even make fun of the jobber’s stupid name.

Paul Jones is here to clarify what Starship Eagle said to him earlier while Graham poses and Barbarian barks, and Jones completely loses his train of thought with all the wackiness around him while trying to answer a simple fucking question. Graham does his kung fu and stresses that no man can beat him in arm wrestling or break his full nelson (PICK A GIMMICK, man!), and Jones beats on Barbarian with his cane to prove that the man feels no pain. I hope they put the tag titles on these lunatics and have them main event every show.

Dusty Rhodes wants to know what the hell Tully is talking about his Perfect 10 search, so we cut to a video package where Tully explains it and meets up with various high-quality skanks before turning them down cold with some kind of obviously purged licensed music in the background. And again, keep in mind, he searched through a bevy of beautiful, graceful supermodels and then settled on BABY DOLL as his choice. Apologies if you’re really invested into this storyline and I just spoiled it for you.

Dick Slater v. Ben Alexander

Slater works the arm on your grade 9 chemistry teacher and goes to a headscissors on the mat and slams him a bunch of times, then adds a gut wrench for two. Over to an abdominal stretch and he goes up with an elbow off the top and finishes with a neckbreaker at 5:33. Babyface Slater is like, why bother? 5 for 6.

The Long Riders want to stress that there’s a bunch of babyfaces who are MARKED MEN, and Ron Bass is still Mid-Atlantic champion at the same time as they’re Mid-Atlantic tag team champions. Bass rambles for so long that they just cut away to commercial. So they’re recognizing the NWA World title, NWA World tag titles, US title, Mid-Atlantic title, Mid-Atlantic tag titles, Junior title, and I presume the TV title was still around somewhere…yeah, that’s too many belts for one territory.

Ivan Koloff v. Mark Fleming

Koloff beats on the jobber with his usual stuff and goes to a chinlock, but Fleming fights out while Ricky Steamboat joins us on commentary because he’s FED UP with these Russians expressing their communist viewpoint here in the land of the free. How dare they? Ivan takes him down with the Russian Hammer and drops an elbow, but Fleming fights back with AMERICAN RIGHT HANDS and a dropkick to put Koloff on the floor and Steamboat thinks Fleming should go run him into the railing because two wrongs do make a right here in AMERICA. Koloff, however, just cuts him off with a neckbreaker for two and gets a headbutt, then suckers Fleming into a clothesline and finishes with the body vice at 6:05. Koloff wants some of the Dragon and Ricky decides to take him up on it and “get him a piece of some Russian meat” despite not having any gear with him. And then he gets down to ringside and Nikita just DESTROYS him with a Sickle from behind out of nowhere. Oh man, that was epic. The slow motion replay looks even better and Steamboat doesn’t even flinch until he gets clobbered in the back of the head with it. They just made Steamboat look like a complete maroon there. I don’t know if we ever got Ricky Steamboat selling for Nikita Koloff in a real match but now I damn sure want to see it.

GREAT SHOW. This is the kind of stuff I’ve been waiting to see thus far into 1985.