The SmarK Rant for Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling–01.12.85

The SmarK Rant for Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling – 01.12.85

Taped from somewhere in North Carolina.

Your hosts are Bob Caudle & Johnny Weaver

Manny Fernandez v. David Dellinger

The timeline for this match lists the jobber as “Danny Dillinger”. The Bull works the leg and just brutalizes this poor bastard with chops, then goes to a chinlock for a bit before going up with a flying kneedrop to finish at 3:20. And then the replay clearly shows him hitting the mat with his knee and not making contact at all. I don’t object to making it look real without actually hurting the guy, but FFS don’t do a slow motion replay exposing the move! Good squash for Fernandez. 1 for 1.

Dusty Rhodes is outraged that Don Kernodle won a flag match against Ivan Koloff, and the Russians STOLE THE FLAG. Dusty: “The Russians are THIEVES. The Russians are BAD. The Russians are COMMUNISTS AND THEY DON’T BELONG HERE!” Hell of a promo from Big Dust!

Black Bart & Ron Bass v. Tommy Lane & David Diamond

Lane is all fired up and elbows Bass down to start, but Bass rakes the eyes and the Long Riders work him over in the corner. Lane manages a bodypress on Bart for one and Bass traps him with a facelock. At this point I feel like I should point out the commentary job done by Johnny Weaver, who can charitably be called “rambling” and sounds like your drunk uncle losing track of his point mid-sentence. Lane finally manages to tag in the exciting David Diamond, who gets approximately one punch before the Riders double-team him with an elbow and then the kid manages to fuck up a neckbreaker bump from Bass. Bass drops an elbow for two and Bart adds a suplex, but they keep picking the geek up. Although Diamond is a black guy, he’s really a pasty white pudgy Crockett jobber at heart. Bart powerslams him to finish at 6:00. Diamond was not exactly up to the usual jobber quality on these shows. 1 for 2.

Tully Blanchard is searching nationwide for the perfect woman to satisfy him and make all the women hate her. Wait, so he searched the ENTIRE COUNTRY and came up with BABY DOLL?!? If you want to throw your hat in the ring, by the way…

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Magnum TA v. masked jobber

Before we can even learn the name, Magnum pins him with a belly to belly in 10 seconds. Aha, so they’ve learned their lesson about longer TA matches already.

Manny Fernandez & Ricky Steamboat are here to take names and kick booty. Apparently Dusty Rhodes has a new tour of some kind he’ll be announcing soon. Maybe a YouTube channel where he visits fried chicken buffets around the country? Steamboat, meanwhile, is still hoping for a match against NWA World champion Ric Flair.

Assassin #1 is still going after Paul Jones and is apparently a babyface. Who would cheer a guy named “Assassin #1”? So we go back to Assassin finally getting his hands on Jones recently, but THE BARBARIAN debuts in Mid-Atlantic and lays him out. Assassin is undaunted by this setback, however.

The Barbarian v. Lee Ramsey

The reverse camera angle during Barbarian’s entrance is not kind to the attendance figures of the arena, shall we say. Barbarian quickly gets a headbutt and threatens a piledriver, but the ref stops him because it must be illegal at this point. Barbarian with a proto-chokeslam and he goes to a chinlock before finishing with the diving headbutt at 2:00. Barbarian looked super-green, but I’m sure Chris Fothergill-Brown still saw something special in him. 1 for 3.

Ricky Steamboat has more to add, talking about he came out of retirement last year and now his ultimate goal is to beat Ric Flair. We get clips of Dusty, Steamboat and Dick Slater v. The Long Riders & Tully Blanchard in a bunkhouse match that looks like it was a hell of a deal. Apparently the Long Riders came to Ricky’s gym and smashed one of his trophies. A trophy getting smashed in wrestling? Perish the thought.

Brian Adidas v. Ben Alexander

Tully Blanchard replaces Weaver on commentary and he’s an immediate improvement. Adidas works the arm on Alexander, who looks like a middle-aged English professor. Alexander works a headlock while Tully talks about his QUEST FOR ECSTASY. Adidas goes back to the arm while Tully laughs about Ricky Steamboat losing his gym due to the heel attack and having to pay back his loan. What a great heel. Alexander gets a brief headlock, but Adidas goes back to the arm. So I do a bit of investigation and it turns out that Alexander was the masked jobber known as THE GOLDEN TERROR most of the time, and he retired a year after this. He also died in 2002 at the age of 51, which would make him a mere 34 years old here, despite his greying hair and beard and dad bod. Adidas just keeps working the arm over and over and this is SO BORING, but Adidas thankfully finishes with an airplane spin at 7:44. 1 for 4.

Magnum TA is back, along with Manny Fernandez, and he wants Wahoo’s US title. Manny is unimpressed by The Ballbearing and feels like Dusty and himself can handle it. Manny mostly just says a lot of names and talks about Dusty’s Unity Tour.

Paul Jones and the Ball Bearing are tired of having the deck stacked against them. He tries to break a chair over Barbarian’s head to illustrate his point, whatever that might be.

Ricky Steamboat v. Joel Deaton

I love how last week they were like “IT’S THE GOLDEN ANNIVERSARY OF JIM CROCKETT PROMOTIONS! MAIN EVENTS EVERY WEEK ON THIS SHOW!” and this is already what we’re getting for our main event one week later. Steamboat works the arm, but Deaton dropkicks him to the floor and works a headlock to take over. Slam gets two. Backdrop suplex gets two. Deaton pounds on him with elbows and a backdrop for two, but Steamboat finishes with the superplex at 4:30. This was fine. 2 for 5.

And we finish with MORE Dusty and Manny. Were they just like “Well, we’ve got 48 minutes this week, give Manny promo time until he gets over.” Dusty has the big announcement of his tour: SLAM THAT SUCKA DOWN ’85. Well that doesn’t really roll off the tongue like “Unity Tour”. And that’s all we’ve got time for this week!

Well, hopefully Tully’s quest for a woman goes well.