Smackdown – May 27, 2004

Date: May 27, 2004
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re in for another edition of the Eddie Guerrero Show this week and while that doesn’t sound like the worst concept in the world, it might be a little weaker when Eddie passed out to end last week’s show. In other words, expect more of JBL talking about how he should be champion and droning on for far too long. Oh and Booker T. looking bored out of his mind out there. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Eddie’s collapse last week.

Kurt Angle is in the back and says that Eddie Guerrero is allowed to be wrestle tonight, but EMT’s will be waiting for him to pass out again.

Opening sequence.

Rob Van Dam/Rey Mysterio vs. Dudley Boyz

Yes AGAIN. They really don’t have anything else they could be doing? Bubba shoves Rey down to start and seems annoyed at having to do so. Rey takes him down with a flying mare so Bubba tosses him into the other corner with ease. The armbar goes on so Rey climbs the ropes into a wristdrag to leave Bubba all confuzzled. Van Dam and D-Von come in, meaning it’s time for some kicks to the face and a standing moonsault. I’ll let you figure out who did what.

Rey comes back in with a springboard hurricanrana (which looked like it was supposed to be the seated senton but D-Von didn’t go down) but Bubba dives in and takes Rey’s knee out to break up the 619. The fans boo the heck out of that and here’s Paul Heyman through the crowd as we take a break. Back with Rey in trouble and Heyman sitting in the front row. Bubba misses a sitdown splash but it’s not bad enough for Rey to get over for the tag.

The Dudleys start taking turns on the leg but an enziguri gets Rey out of trouble. A springboard moonsault press drops D-Von so Bubba comes in for an elbow to keep Rey down. Since Van Dam isn’t into that whole helping your partner thing, Rey has to avoid a splash from D-Von and spinwheel kick Bubba to make the hot tag.

Van Dam starts in with the kicks and a top rope version gets two on D-Von. A Rolling Thunder/springboard legdrop combination gets the same with Bubba having to make a save. There’s the 619 to D-Von but Heyman jumps the barricade and breaks up the West Coast Pop. Bubba drops Rey onto the announcers’ table and D-Von steals the pin.

Rating: C. Long and watchable match here but I’m sick of seeing these teams fight. I’m not sure why the announcers acted like Heyman supporting the Dudleys was a big deal when he’s been doing that for weeks now but I don’t get a lot of what Smackdown does. I’m sure this makes Bubba and D-Von perfectly fine after all these losses, because fans want to see the Dudleys as major heels.

The Dudleys leave with Heyman.

Post break the Dudleys celebrate and let Heyman into their locker room. Heyman slaps D-Von and tries to do the same to Bubba but gets his arm grabbed. Why are they happy with just winning a match? Beating Eddie Guerrero didn’t get them a title shot or a pay per view main event. All they got was another win and that doesn’t get them anywhere. Tonight, they need to pick a victim and make an impact or he’ll have someone make an impact on them. Egads we’re really supposed to care about the Dudley Boys?

Cole brings out JBL for a chat. We look back at the chair shot at Judgment Day and Eddie collapsing later in the week so JBL could pin him. Cole mentions that some people don’t think that was very manly of JBL so we get the big tough guy voice to send Cole back to commentary. We hear the same JBL speech that he’s made for the last month and a half with shots at Eddie for not being a man. Last week Eddie was laying down so he didn’t have to take another beating.

What JBL is going to do to him next time will be nearly criminal but let’s stop to yell at the fans for chanting EDDIE. See, at Judgment Day, Eddie got disqualified because he knew he was beat. The beating will be even better at the Great American Bash because it’s JBL’s rules. This was way too long with JBL saying the same stuff he’s always said and droning on about how great he is. In other words: everything that has been wrong with him since this run started.

Compare him to Ted DiBiase for a minute. Above all else, DiBiase played it so much more over the top instead of serious. When JBL talks about having a stock portfolio and a business radio show, it feels too real. DiBiase never really explained where his money came from (and he certainly didn’t say it over and over week after week). He was just the rich guy who never ran out of money and did whatever he wanted because that’s what he did. You didn’t need an explanation of why he was who he is. The character spoke for itself and he did ridiculous things to show off his wealth (the laugh alone was a good chunk of it).

With JBL, it’s a guy who has money and brags about it, but he does it so boringly that it’s not something I care to see. It also doesn’t help that he spent all those years as a bar fighter and now he’s supposed to be something totally different. It’s not working and you can feel the energy go out of the room when he starts talking. I don’t really want to see him lose because I don’t like him. I want to see him lose so he’s not featured anymore. Those are two very different things and one of them isn’t good.

Booker T. vs. Scotty 2 Hotty

Scotty sends him into the corner a few times to start but gets kicked in the face. Booker shrugs off a comeback attempt and finishes with the ax kick in a hurry.

Post match Booker says he wants another shot at the Undertaker next week. The lights go out and come back up blue, followed by lightning hitting the posts. Booker: “Alright. So you are a little scary.” Next week, he’ll shock the world.

Mordecai promises to make sinners pay for their sins. His crusade has just begun.

Danny Basham vs. Eddie Guerrero

Non-title with EMT’s on standby, until Eddie breaks the stretcher and sends them away because he doesn’t need that. The Bashams are cleared out but here’s Angle to say he’s legally responsible for everyone here. Eddie was going to fake another injury and then sue Smackdown, so he’s off until he signs a release saying Angle and Smackdown aren’t at fault. Danny tries a cheap shot and gets sent outside again. No match.

Torrie Wilson/Spike Dudley vs. Jamie Noble/Dawn Marie

I wonder if there will be any mention of Torrie sleeping with both of her opponents. Noble is in trunks for a change. The guys start things off with Spike working on the arm but Jamie sends him throat first into the ropes. A glare sends Torrie out to the floor so Spike headbutts Jamie in the ribs. It’s off to the women and the wolf whistles begin. Torrie dropkicks her down for two so Jamie gets in a knee to the back to cut her off.

An X Factor gives Dawn two and the chinlock goes on. Torrie’s jawbreaker allows the hot tag to Spike and a top rope double stomp gets two on Jamie. Everything breaks down and Jamie goes after Torrie, allowing Spike to hit the Dudley Dog on Jamie, dropping her onto Dawn for the pin.

Rating: D+. This….wasn’t horrible. Maybe it was limiting the women’s interactions or just a harder effort but that’s one of the better of these matches I’ve seen in a good while. The wrestling was passable as Jamie and Spike are usually good for at least a decent match and with Torrie and Dawn only in there for a few minutes, it wasn’t the worst in the world.

Kenzo Suzuki is still coming. Get here already so you can leave.

Rico and Charlie Haas preview Jackie Gayda’s bikini for next week’s contest, though we only see part of it. Charlie almost drools but Rico criticizes the look, telling her to go try on the other one. As she goes to change, Rico shows off his rather revealing gear of his own. Haas is disgusted….because it doesn’t compliment the complexion of his skin. Rico goes to try on his other one and Charlie tries to figure out what he’s doing.

John Cena comes in to see Angle, who isn’t happy about a meeting Cena had with the board of directors. The gist of the whole thing: the military can see the Great American Bash for free and Cena beat Angle to the idea. Angle yells at him for a bonus because he’s waited months for Cena to lose that title. He’ll even cheer for a Frenchman from ringside tonight.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. goes into Chavo Classic’s office but gets yelled at for not knocking. Classic wants Jr. to introduce him.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Classic vs. Akio

Akio is challenging and Jr. has to introduce his dad, who comes out in an old school robe. During Akio’s entrance, we see Mordecai destroying him last week. And you wonder why they’re relying on Jacqueline and Chavo Guerrero Sr. instead of their young stars. Classic takes him down and drives an elbow into the face but Akio speeds things up with a leg lariat.

His neck is too damages to follow up but he’s finally fine enough for a corkscrew moonsault. Jr. grabs the referee though, allowing Classic to kick out after a delayed two. Classic sends Akio outside and distracts the referee as well, allowing Chavo to hit a tornado DDT on the floor so Classic can retain the title.

Post match the Chavos argue over the belt a bit.

Raw Rebound.

The Dudleys kidnap someone named Paul and slam the trunk of a car on his ankle. We can’t see who it is but they throw him in the trunk and drive away. The Urn is left in the parking lot and Heyman picks it up. Cole: “The Dudleys kidnapped Paul Bearer!” Cole is really good at stating the obvious.

US Title: John Cena vs. Rene Dupree

Cena is defending in a lumberjack match with Angle watching on a platform draped with American flags. A rollup gives Cena a very early two and it’s already a standoff. Dupree takes him down by the waist as the fans start the required USA chant. That drives Cena to grab a hammerlock, which goes nowhere. Instead it’s a hard shoulder so Dupree thinks about rolling outside but thinks better of the idea.

Back up and Dupree’s chop just annoys Cena (Tazz: “Where does Cena hide his cape?”) so he sends Dupree outside…where he’s allowed back in with no trouble. Well nothing violent at least, until Haas grabs him so Rico can get in a kiss. That just fires Dupree up but he gets sent outside again, this time with less sexual assault before he’s sent inside again. Back in and Dupree gets two off an atomic drop before sending Cena to the floor for an actual beating. A pleased Angle looks on as we take a break.

We come back with Dupree cranking on the neck and driving an elbow into it for two. More neck cranking fires Cena up so it’s a running clothesline to cut him back down. Cena’s next comeback is cut off by Booker T. pulling the top rope down so the next beating can ensue. Dupree adds a backbreaker and a middle rope elbow for two. Cena gets sent outside again and this time it’s Booker getting in some extra shots to give Rene two. A spinebuster sets up the French Tickler but Cena backdrops out of a powerbomb. Right hands have Dupree in trouble and Booker screaming NO. The FU retains the title.

Rating: C+. It’s not as good as their previous matches but at least they had the good ending that made things a little bit better. Cena finishes off his first feud with a win and the fans are very pleased with the victory. Dupree has been an actual surprise during this feud as you would have expected him to be a one off victory for Cena but he held up his own end of the feud, which is something you can always use.

The good guys put Cena on their shoulders in a pretty big overreaction to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. I’d hesitate to say that this show was better but it was at least less bad. The JBL involvement was limited to a single promo and while the Dudleys going after Undertaker makes you say “seriously?”, they had a good opening match and the rest of the stuff was pretty quick. They still need better heels, but focusing on Cena for a week was a nice change of pace as the Eddie vs. JBL feud isn’t doing anyone any favors. Not a terrible show, but it was better than recent weeks. Granted, that’s not the highest hurdle to clear.

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