Smackdown – April 29, 2004

Date: April 29, 2004
Location: Ford Center, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

I can get through this. The last few weeks have been some of the most dreadful wrestling shows I can remember in a long time so I’m hoping that things are at least marginally better this time around. I’m not sure what you can expect here, but it’s hard to imagine the show getting much worse. You know, because saying that has never gotten me in trouble before. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Kurt Angle, in a leg cast and a wheelchair (pushed by a rather intimidating looking man) to open things up. After a little effort, Angle and his wheelchair (with a red white and blue back in the pattern of the French flag) are brought into the ring for a chat. Angle is rather emotional and says that he’ll never wrestle again because his knee is injured beyond repair.

The fans seem rather pleased with the news and Angle makes it better by saying his internal injuries are irreversible. His life is all over but nothing was going to stop him from being here tonight. The one thing he knows for sure is that the people are to blame for all of his problems. He came out here and the fans chanted YOU SUCK. Angle thought the circumstances would make things different but the people harbor this sick environment. He shouldn’t be alive and now he’s being ridiculed.

This is Big Show and Torrie Wilson’s fault so Angle demands that she come out here, without music. Angle blames her for all of this and tells the man (named Luther) to bring her over here. It must be nice to be perfect like her but she’s pathetic. Due to what she did, Angle can’t even have sex with his wife while she parades around all perfect. Therefore, he’s changing the rules on her as well. Tonight, her match with Rene Dupree is now No DQ.

Rene Dupree vs. Torrie Wilson

No DQ and Fifi is black this week. Dupree waistlocks her down to start so Torrie gets in a sunset flip. A bunch of slaps just make Rene slam her and here’s John Cena to go after Dupree for the no contest in about a minute. What a great use of TV time this was and we’re only about a fourth of the way through the show.

Post break and post recaps, Rene rants to Angle and gets a US Title shot at Judgment Day.

Cruiserweight Title: Nunzio vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Nunzio is challenging and is in the ring when the Undertaker’s gong goes off. Smoke fills the ring…and that’s it. Chavo jumps the shaken up Nunzio to start but gets sent to the floor. A Chavo Sr. distraction lets them change places though and now it’s Nunzio in trouble on the outside. Back in and the EDDIE chants annoy Jr. to the point where Nunzio is able to hit a dropkick for two. A rollup gives Nunzio the same but Sr. gets in a cheap shot, setting up the Gory Bomb to retain the title in short order.

Post match Jr. says he’s bored and needs new competition. Therefore, next week, anyone who wants one can have a title shot, provided he’s never beaten them before.

We look back at the Dudleys turning on Rob Van Dam last week and Paul Heyman declaring it a good start.

Here’s a serious Van Dam for a chat. He wants the Dudleys out here right now but gets Heyman instead. Heyman says it wasn’t personal last week because Van Dam just happened to be in the ring. It could have been Vince McMahon himself because it just would have been the same result. Van Dam needs to be care what he wishes for because it’s going to be Heyman’s Dudleys, not the lovable ones. Cue the Dudleys through the crowd and the beatdown is on until Eddie Guerrero makes the save.

Booker T. is ready to slap the dead off the Undertaker.

Heyman leaves Angle’s office and tonight it’s the Dudley (which is going to mean Bubba because that’s all that makes sense) vs. Eddie. Egads who looked at last week’s show and thought it was worthy of a sequel? Don’t worry about Van Dam because he’s banned from ringside.

Mordecai is still coming. For some reason, this isn’t on the Network.

Booker T. vs. Billy Gunn

You have Booker T. on the roster and we’re watching JBL and the Dudley Boyz fighting the World Champion. I don’t even know what to say about that so we’ll move on to Cole saying how interesting this is because they’re both great tag wrestlers. Tazz: “It’s a singles match.” Gunn punches away to start so Booker kicks him in the face. A neckbreaker gives Booker two and another kick to the face puts Billy down again. Gunn scores with a suplex and the One and Only (cobra clutch slam) gets two. The Fameasser and the Book End both miss but Booker avoids a Stinger Splash. An ax kick gives Booker the pin.

Rating: D. Just a bunch of kicking and punching here as Booker’s “I’m a star” deal isn’t the most interesting thing in the world. That being said, he does at least have some star power and is a solid upper midcard act, making him one of the better people on this roster. The show is just so weak on talent and Booker is one of the few bright sports.

Post match here are Undertaker and Paul Bearer, though Booker actually stays in the ring. With the ring full of smoke, Booker says this isn’t happening tonight and goes to leave. Instead he grabs the urn and knocks Undertaker down before leaving through the crowd, taking the urn with him.

Post break, Angle makes Undertaker vs. Booker for Judgment Day. Neither Angle nor Undertaker have wrestled since Wrestlemania, but Angle can’t do it ever again. Undertaker doesn’t appreciate that so next week, he’s wrestling a to be announced opponent. Angle as the bitter boss isn’t quite working yet.

Raw ReBound. I wouldn’t point out how much better that show was than this one.

Rico and Jackie have stolen Charlie Haas’ trunks so Charlie has to wrestle in Rico’s gear. The words “come out” are used over and over.

Shawn Michaels and company welcomed some troops home in Texas. This goes on for awhile.

Tag Team Titles: Rico/Charlie Haas vs. Basham Brothers

The Bashams are challenging and Charlie is in Rico’s gear. It’s funny you see. Doug makes Danny start with Rico with Rico blowing him a kiss. A lockup lets Rico get in a few spanks as Charlie is nearly sick. Doug comes in and get ridden around, followed by Charlie coming in and winding up behind him in the exact position you would expect. Rico spanks him a few more times and Doug runs away as Charlie looks sicker than earlier. The fans want home state Charlie in so Rico “comically” brings him in.

Danny makes a blind tag and sends Charlie into the post as the match turns into something normal for once. The Bashams start working on the arm with Doug driving his shoulder into Charlie’s until a backdrop gets Haas out of trouble. The hot tag brings in Rico for the variety of kicks to the head. Tazz: “Shades of Bruce Lee there.” Charlie tags himself and Rico kisses Danny into a German suplex to retain the titles.

Rating: D. Jim Cornette is crying over this one and I can’t say I blame him. He spent years turning these guys into stars down in OVW and this is what they get on the main roster. I’m still somewhat convinced that WWE decided to ruin these guys for the sake of annoying him/showing that they’re smarter than their own developmental. How else can you make sense of people like Rico or what the Bashams were just a few months ago?

We look back at Dupree and Cena earlier.

Judgment Day rundown. All three announced matches.

JBL is in New York to look at the Statue of Liberty and talk about how legal immigrants come to America this way. Eddie Guerrero and his family snuck across the border though and it’s a cancer that must be destroyed. Oh and poor people suck too. So let me make sure I’ve got this straight. We have a guy from Texas who brags about how awesome New York City it while pushing ideas that the deep south would probably love, despite not being fans of people from the north, as in New York City. Brilliance!

Eddie Guerrero vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

Non-title with Heyman and Angle at ringside. D-Von’s early distraction lets Bubba score with a clothesline and the right hands in the corner begin. A headscissors gets Eddie out of trouble and a middle rope crossbody gets two. Bubba ties him in the Tree of Woe for a few loud chops though as Angle smiles evily.

Back up and Eddie sends Bubba outside for the plancha onto both Dudleys as we take a break. We come back with Eddie fighting out of a sleeper but getting punched back into the corner. Bubba gets two off a neckbreaker and grabs a headscissors on the mat of all things. Of course Bubba misses the middle rope backsplash and Eddie hits two of the Three Amigos.

The ref gets bumped and Bubba hits the Bubba Bomb for no cover. Another attempt is countered into a DDT to give Eddie two so Heyman gets on the apron. Somehow the referee doesn’t notice D-Von going up for the Doomsday Device but Eddie victory rolls Bubba for the pin.

Rating: D+. It was slightly better than last week thanks to being a few minutes shorter and because Bubba is a better singles wrestler than D-Von but it’s still nowhere near good enough to be the main event. On top of that, they’re doing this mini feud with the Dudleys before we get to the JBL match, probably because they know how bad the JBL feud really is. Not a terrible match, but another boring one.

Post match the beatdown is on until Van Dam comes in for the saves. Stereo frog splashes hit the Dudleys and Angle makes the tag match for next week.

Overall Rating: D-. And somehow, that’s an upgrade. Just having Van Dam joining in at the end gave the show a little bit more of a spark, but having the Dudleys and JBL as the top heel wrestlers is death to the show. The whole show is so boring and there’s nothing that’s going to fix it anytime soon. It’s getting harder and harder to watch the show and things are likely only going to get worse. Just….be better. Please? Like, maybe a decent match for a change? Is that too much to ask for?

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