The SmarK Rant for WWF Sunday Night Heat–12.06.98

The SmarK Rant for WWF Sunday Night Heat – 12.06.98

Wally Yamaguchi cuts a promo in Japanese for Kaientai in the cold open, so I guess they’re being featured this week! Can’t wait until they lose in 2:00 thanks to outside interference!

Taped from somewhere.

Your hosts are Kevin Kelly & Jim Cornette

WWF Light heavyweight title: Duane Gill v. Taka Michinoku

I have no clue where this Gill title reign nonsense was supposed to go, but knowing Russo it wasn’t anywhere in particular. Taka of course whoops on Gill to start and throws chops in the corner, and counters a blind charge into a tornado DDT and follows with the missile dropkick. That sets up the finisher, but Gill reverses the driver into a cradle for the fluke pin at 2:10 to retain. And then the Acolytes charge in and destroy all of Kaientai for good measure. I can admit when I’m wrong – the outside interference came AFTER the match. 0 for 1.

Meanwhile, Steve Austin arrives, even though he’s not scheduled to be there! HE’S OFF THE FORMAT SHEET!

LOD 2000 v. Too Much

This Droz version of the LOD is dragging on longer than I remember, actually. Animal immediately powerslams Taylor and Christopher gets tossed by Droz. Animal misses a splash on Taylor, but Droz comes in and clips him from behind to cut off any potential comeback and they go to work on his leg. And Scotty taps out at 1:24 to a kneebar. Well that was anticlimactic. 0 for 2.

Meanwhile, Steve Austin lets Michael Cole know that he has a front row ticket, so he’s just here to eat some popcorn and enjoy the matches.

Meanwhile, back in the locker room, the doctor examines Scott Taylor’s knee while Brian Christopher desperately looks on with concern. LOVING CONCERN. They can’t do the gimmick retool with these two soon enough.

Owen Hart is here with a BLOCKBUSTER announcement. So he’s announcing his un-retirement at Rock Bottom, where he will face Steve Blackman. He should have just stayed retired.

Meanwhile, D-X is here, and they’re also OFF THE FORMAT SHEET. Why even have a format sheet if people are just gonna show up whenever they feel like it? This is ANARCHY.

The Rock, Ken Shamrock & Big Bossman v. The Brood

Shamrock hits a leg lariat on Edge to start, but Edge fires right back with his own. Christian comes in and gets caught in the Corporate corner and pounded by the Bossman, but Christian comes back with a crossbody for two. The Rock slugs away on Gangrel and gets a clothesline out of the corner. The Corporation beats on him in their corner and Rock gets a legsweep for two, but Gangrel fights back and Rock decides to take a walk, at which point D-X runs in for the DQ at 4:00. Damn, they were having a real match and everything before that shitty cop-out finish! Good enough for a point. 1 for 3.

Mark Henry v. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett attacks to start and slugs away in the corner, but Henry puts him down with a press slam and follows with a legdrop. Debra jumps in and distracts Mark, but D-Lo steals the guitar from Jarrett and lays him out with it for a DQ of someone at 1:05. Does it really matter? 1 for 4. Goldust comes out and challenges Jarrett to a match where it’s Goldust stripping vs. Debra stripping as the stipulation, and it’s on for Rock Bottom.

Luna Vachon & Giant Silva v. Babu & Tiger Ali Singh

I’m not clear if this is a mixed tag match or what. Luna beats on Babu and takes him into the crowd to continue the beating and it’s a Sportz Entertainment Finish at 1:00 or so. Completely pointless. 1 for 5.

So get this:  I looked it up in the Observer, and in fact Babu and Tiger were supposed to take the place of the ICP in an eight-man with the Oddities at Rock Bottom, but after this show Babu got DEPORTED to Ecuador to face justice for crimes previously committed there, and he never returned.  How could you even make shit like that up?

Mankind v. Undertaker

Steve Austin actually gets an entrance theme for his trip to the front row, which is kind of funny. Austin throws his beer at Taker and that allows Mankind to attack on the floor and go after him with a chair. Taker runs him into the stairs and the match actually begins at this point and Taker slugs away in the corner, but Mankind puts him down with a pair of clotheslines and punches him down into the corner. They fight to the floor again and Mick gets run into the ringpost. Back in, Taker chokes him out, but Mankind makes a comeback and necksnaps Taker on the top rope. Taker tries the chokeslam, but Mick goes low and sets up Mr. Socko, but Rock runs in for the DQ at 3:57. And that’s the show! Well all the buildup to Steve Austin at ringside sure ended up a whole lot of nothing. Match was OK but nowhere near any of their other matches. 2 for 6.

Well this was better than the last few weeks, at least.