The SmarK Rant for WWF Sunday Night Heat–11.01.98

The SmarK Rant for WWF Sunday Night Heat – 11.01.98

Tonight’s show is dedicated to Vince McMahon for some reason, with an opening video package making out like he’s dead or something. Tomorrow night on RAW he’s making an announcement about his future, so tonight we remember him!

LIVE from Austin, TX. I think this would be the first non-PPV live show, actually.

Your hosts are Michael Cole & Jim Cornette

LOD 2000 v. The Hardy Boyz

LOD attacks those punk kids to start and Matt gets tossed by Droz and beat up on the floor, to the point where Hawk calls him off and it turns into a shoving match. In the ring, Animal is forced to go it alone and handles Matt and Jeff by himself with a double suplex, but they come back with a double suplex and the double flying splash for the pin at 1:25. Droz looked like a complete doofus standing out there arguing with Hawk while his partner got beat. Finally Animal has had enough of their shenanigans and walks out on both of them. So on RAW tomorrow night, it’s Droz v. Hawk to settle things once and for all. You could tell they had plans for the Hardyz, as evidenced by them having slightly less ugly tights here. 1 for 1 because of the sheer irony of the Hardy Boyz winning due to someone else’s drug problems.

Meanwhile, cement and mortar are no match for a REAL MAN’S MAN.

“A Real Man’s Man” Steven Regal v. Bradshaw

The corny promos were great, but as soon as Regal comes out with the hardhat and goofy music, the gimmick is DEAD. And then Bradshaw blitzes him with corner clotheslines and a backdrop suplex for two. Regal fires back with forearms in the corner, but Bradshaw slams him. Big boot misses, and Regal pins him with a cradle suplex at 1:34. Give them credit for trying something different, but this was the wrong gimmick for Regal at this point. And then Jackyl comes out to talk to Bradshaw, setting up further things. 1 for 2.

The Oddities v. The Brood

So yeah, as of RAW last week, Edge is now suddenly a heel and answering to Gangrel. He attacks Kurrgan and walks into a sideslam as a result, and Giant Silva slams all the Brood members, setting up Golga for a legdrop on Gangrel for two. And apparently Michael Cole can see Kane hanging out in the rafters in your totally original character building of the week. Golga tries the butt splash on Gangrel, but Edge kidnaps Cartman and Gangrel puts Golga away with the DDT at 2:05. The “Golga loses via stuffed cartoon character” distraction finish is apparently the only one they know how to book for these guys. 1 for 3.

Meanwhile, Shane McMahon hangs out with the technical crew, because he’s so down-to-earth and real.

Meanwhile, Steve Blackman isn’t fooled by the Blue Blazer for a MINUTE.

D-Lo Brown v. Steve Blackman

D-Lo misses a dropkick out of the gate and so does Blackman, so we’re even. Blackman does hit a thrust kick, but now the Headbangers head out for the distraction as this show is some of the Russoest Russo to ever Russo. D-Lo goes up and Thrasher shoves him down, allowing Blackman to get the pin at 1:22. And then it’s a brawl between the Headbangers and the Nation, setting up their #1 contender match tomorrow on RAW. Spoiler: That match sucked and so did the resulting title match at Survivor Series. 1 for 4.

Jeff Jarrett v. Val Venis

Terri is now absent, as Val and Terri have suddenly broken up without any particular explanation and Val is once again a babyface. Jarrett attacks to start and slugs him down, but Val gets a spinebuster and Terri runs out for the distraction while Jarrett gets a DDT for two. Val comes back with a powerslam for two, but Jarrett dumps him and the ladies argue over whatever until Val puts them in their place with some stern words. And then Jarrett hits the Stroke for the pin at 2:27. Ridiculously rushed. 1 for 5. Terri apologizes afterwards and reveals that she’s pregnant in order to win him back, but Val ditches her. This was such a stupid storyline that I’m deducting a point. Russo and his goddamn pregnancy storylines that never went anywhere. 0 for 5.

Meanwhile, Dan Severn is at home recovering in a neck brace, but things could be worse. And he’ll be on RAW to confront Owen Hart tomorrow. You’d think they couldn’t possibly find a way to make Severn sound LESS charismatic, but it turns out that confining him to a chair with his head secured by a neck brace did the trick.

Shane McMahon joins us for an interview with Kevin Kelly, and everyone wants to know what Vince’s announcement will be tomorrow night. People are speculating that he’s going to retire, you know! But don’t worry, because Shane has a vision for the WWF with no stooges and no swerves and no lies and no screwing! Isn’t that what we got when Vince Russo quit a year later?

Undertaker v. The Godfather

Bone Street Krew EXPLODES! It’s kind of weird that I’m simultaneously reviewing two periods of RAW and in both of them, the big angle is that Undertaker reunites with Paul Bearer. Godfather reveals that he’s known Undertaker for a long time, and he knows that Taker likes hos. And then he insinuates that Undertaker has ED and that’s all that can be taken, as Taker attacks and there’s no match. And then Kane is up in the rafters again as we’re done for the week. Nice main event, jerks. 0 for 6.

Stupid angles? Check. Longest match on the show 2:27? Check. Must be the Attitude Era. I’ve been liking this show but this one needed to CALM THE FUCK DOWN.