The SmarK Rant for WWF All Star Wrestling – 01.26.80
I need something quick and easy tonight, and this week’s show clocks in at only 30:00 without commercials, so let’s head back to 1980 for more WWF All Star Wrestling!
THE FOLLOWING WRESTLING EXHIBITION REQUIRES DISCRETIONARY VIEWER PARTICIPATION!
Taped from Hamburg, PA
Your host is Vince McMahon, flying solo. You’d think at $100/share he could afford to hire a color commentator. Shockingly, the ringside doctor tonight is NOT Dr. George Zahorian.
The Great Hossain Arab v. Steve King
But first, the Great Hossain decides to demonstrate his amazing strength with the Persian Clubs as a warmup, and then proceeds to beating on King with karate chops. He ties up King in a bow and arrow hold and wrecks him with a gut wrench suplex, then goes to a chinlock. King gets tossed and Hossain drops a knee for two, then follows with a vertical suplex for two. He keeps picking up King and hits a butterfly suplex, flinging the jobber six feet in the air, to finally put him away at 6:00. I guess Steve King just didn’t have “It”.
Thank you, I’m here until Thursday, try the veal.
Ken Patera v. Mike Masters
Masters is introduced from “Carney, New Jersey”. Seriously? There’s an actual city called “Carney” that has produced wrestlers? Does everyone go around tizzalking lizzike thizzis? Patera takes him down with a rollup for two, but Masters THROWS HANDS on the ropes and Patera heads to the floor from some advice from the Grand Wizard. That advice? “If you ever end up in prison, make use of the exercise equipment. It’ll pay off when you get out.” If only he had listened! Master grabs a headlock and grinds it in, but Patera slugs him down and follows with a clothesline, then finishes with the swinging full nelson at 4:10.
Tito Santana & Ivan Putski join Vince for an interview, fresh off winning the tag team titles. Vince warns them about the impending challenge of the Wild Samoans, who do crazy moves like headbutts off the top rope. It would shatter the skull of a regular man! Sadly, their tactics would indeed prove too crazy for the champs to figure out.
Larry Zbsyszko v. John Buford
A shockingly big babyface reaction for Larry, something he wouldn’t hear again for a long time afterwards. Larry gets a quick takedown into a bridge for two and Bruno has miraculously joined us on commentary now. Come to think of it, we’re in a totally different building now with a different ring announcer. Was this edited in from the other syndicated show, I wonder? Bruno’s still being evasive about answering Larry’s challenge, and he’d like a chance to think it over some more before giving his answer. Larry works the arm and whips Buford into the corner, setting up a suplex to finish at 3:10.
Vince interviews Larry afterwards, and if Bruno won’t answer his challenge, then he’s DONE with wrestling and he’s wrestled his final match. So Bruno finally comes out and answers the challenge: He’s never backed down from a challenge before, so yes, he’ll wrestle him. But he doesn’t have the heart to go into the ring and try to defeat him or put a hold on him, so basically we’ll have an exhibition match next week!
Well that was certainly as quick and painless as advertised. Next time: Bruno v. Larry!