The SmarK Rant for WWF Sunday Night Heat–10.11.98

The SmarK Rant for WWF Sunday Night Heat – 10.11.98

Your hosts are Shane McMahon & Jim Cornette

WWF Women’s title: Jacqueline v. Starla Sexton

The graphic says “Starla Saxton” but that’s gotta be a typo. Starla gets some nice chain wrestling to control Jackie, but a spinkick turns the tide. Jackie with a butterfly suplex for two and we get the standard hairtoss stuff. Jackie accidentally collides with Mero and Starla rolls her up for two, and makes the comeback with forearms. Northern lights suplex gets two. Jackie hits a flowing DDT, however, and gets the pin to retain at 2:41. Young Molly Holly having a competitive match? Yes please. 1 for 1. Sable jumps in and attacks Jackie to prevent any further abuse of young Starla, while Shane talks about the boner he gets from thinking about Sable in prison. Oh, Attitude Era.

Kaitentai v. Too Much & The Hardy Boyz

See, now this is what they should have been doing with Kaientai all along. Taylor quickly gets a pumphandle slam on Taka and moonwalks into a tag from Christopher, who hits Taka with the Stroke. Jeff comes in with a springboard moonsault for two that he nearly blew, and Men’s Teoih takes a Whisper in the Wind. It quickly is BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA as everyone brawls and Christopher powerbombs Funaki before Too Much hits Teoih with a Vegomatic. Funaki hits Taylor from behind, however, and puts Teoih on top for the pin at 3:00. Really disappointing, although the whole point was to set up a C-show program between Too Much and Hardyz anyway, as they get into a brawl amongst themselves. I’ll give it a point, but reluctantly so. 2 for 2.

Meanwhile, on RAW, Undertaker and Kane break Vince’s leg and put him in the hospital, where Steve Austin and Mankind both torture him in their own unique way.

Vader v. Edge

Vader quickly lays out Edge and powerbombs him for two, then follows with a clothesline, but they brawl to the floor and slug it out, which leads to Vader getting whipped into the steps. Back in, Edge with a leg lariat and a flying clothesline for two. He goes up and gets powerslammed by Vader for two, however. Vader misses a butt splash and Edge hits the Downward Spiral to finish at 3:30 as Vader jobs to EVERYONE on the way out. Good enough for government work and the announcers make a big deal out of Edge getting the win. 3 for 3.

Ken Shamrock v. Al Snow

It’s the battle of unprotected chairshot victims! Hopefully no chairs get involved in this match or else neither will make it out alive. Al attacks in the corner to start because he’s nuts, and Shamrock quickly snaps with a suplex and goes for the ankle, as Al grabs the ropes and Ken refuses to break for the DQ at 0:48. Scorpio runs in to save and he gets his ass kicked, so Mankind saves, brandishing a chair to complete the trifecta of chairshot buddies, and thankfully no one gets hit in the face with it. Nothing to this one. 3 for 4.

Meanwhile, Steve Regal continues squeezing orange juice by hand. He’s a REAL MAN’S MAN.

Road Dogg v. Jeff Jarrett

They’re STILL doing the dumb “Billy Gunn is missing” angle as Road Dogg wears both belts. So was this the first actual payoff of the Jarrett v. Dogg breakup angle from 1995? Dogg with a hiptoss into the shaky kneedrop for two and they trade wristlocks. Dogg with an atomic drop and he slugs away in the corner, but Jeff dropkicks him into the floor and comes back in with a flying bodypress for two. Dogg comes back with the wacky punches, but Jarrett chokes him out and then misses the charge. Dogg grabs the guitar and El Kabongs him for the DQ at 2:40, however. Was there some provocation there that I missed? He just randomly decided to hit the guy with his own guitar in full view of the ref? 3 for 5.

Steve Austin v. D-Lo Brown

This is obviously not for the European title because Steve Austin could not possibly care about that belt. And as you’d expect, Austin squashes the shit out of D-Lo, whipping him around the ring before taking a couple of punches for D-Lo’s bit of offense. THESZ PRESS! THESZ PRESS! He goes up with the elbow for two, puts D-Lo down with a clothesline, and KICK WHAM STUNNER finishes at 1:55. Henry comes in to save and it’s KICK WHAM STUNNER for him as well. Austin glares at Shane and this is finally enough to shut him the hell up, so there’s your point right there. 4 for 6. I actually found this fascinating, not as a match, but because Austin spent his whole WWF career in 50/50 midcard matches, and then suddenly shot to the very top in nothing but high-level main event matches with guys like Undertaker and Bret. You just never get to see him cut loose and DESTROY some nothing geek like D-Lo this way (the Euro champion, mind you). It’d be like if Hulk Hogan came out on Superstars and beat the Red Rooster in a complete squash one week. Kind of a different and cool thing.

Next up: A one-night tournament to crown a new Intercontinental champion on RAW! You know I’m all over that.