The SmarK Rant for Sunday Night Heat – 09.27.98
So I realized that I completely missed doing this one on Sunday because of Canada Day and the fact that I already had the Randy Savage review posted in advance. However, I’ve got two hours of Savage in WCW left to finish, and I’m…not exactly jumping at the chance to do so. Plus, to be brutally honest, the Savage reviews aren’t exactly setting the world on fire as far as interest goes. So as a palate-cleanser, let’s catch up on Heat!
But first, to the mailbag!
I was reading some of your Sunday Night Heat reviews and laughed when you had stated that Shane wouldn’t shut up. I just reminded me of your story about Shane paying someone to shut up at a Raw you attended. Is there a chance of getting a Sunday Night Heat rant where we find out how much Shane would pay Shane to shut up?”
He’s actually been tolerable as of late on these, believe it or not. Hyperactive, but bearable. Of course, once we get into November…
Second piece of business: Patrick from bigtalljapan.com contacted me wondering about getting some love from the blog, so they’re going to be sponsoring the next couple of New Japan pieces. I’m going to be doing the Cow Palace show this weekend and Ioan will be doing some preview and results for the G1 as it proceeds, so it’s great timing. Full disclosure: They’re sending me some New Japan merch in exchange for the plugs, so I’m pretty pumped to deal with them. You can check them out at http://bigtalljapan.com and they’ve got official NJ merchandise in sizes XL – 7XL, including tees, hoodies, tracksuits and more. I’m gonna get my Naito groove on!
Anyway, on with the show!
Live from Hamilton, ON, since this is the pre-show for Breakdown ’98.
Your hosts are Shane McMahon & Jim Cornette
Vince McMahon is here to apologize for the actions of Undertaker & Kane, because they interfered in the triple threat match between Shamrock, Mankind and Rock on RAW and rendered the match into a no-contest. So tonight, they have another triple threat match for the #1 contendership…in the STEEL CAGE. Next piece of business: Should anyone interfere in the Austin main event, the match will be stopped and Austin will be stripped of the title. He’s very excited about all this, but his only regret is that the show has to take place in Canada. But he GUARANTEES Austin leaves without the title. Well, we’ll see! Vince is just great. 1 for 1.
Golga v. Mosh
So the Headbangers turned heel on the Oddities and tore up the stuffed Cartman doll, although the entire angle was overdubbed by the shitty generic music that erases the ICP original theme. Golga attacks to start and pounds away in the corner, then drops elbows on him before turning his attention to Thrasher like a geek and getting nailed from behind. There’s THREE OTHER ODDITIES at ringside! They can’t help out? Mosh with a legdrop off the middle rope for two and he chokes Golga down, but walks into a powerslam and Earthquake splash at 2:00. And then the Oddities beat the shit out of the Bangers and powerbomb both of them. I dunno, it was fine. Kind of counterproductive for the Headbangers to turn heel and then get beat like geeks, but who gives a shit, it’s the Headbangers. 2 for 2.
Meanwhile, HHH was ATTACKED in the locker room, giving him a knee injury that was 100% not pre-existing when they previously advertised him as wrestling on this show while knowing that he was going to be out for months! Because that would be dishonest.
Mark Henry joins us and he’s upset about losing his chance at winning the IC title from HHH due to that injury that we totally didn’t know about it in advance. But mostly he’s upset about losing the chance to impress his girlfriend, Chyna. And of course that would take Mark down a very different road in his career. He decides to just go home, but Vince McMahon waves him off and offers him another champion, TONIGHT, IN THIS VERY RING. See, he wants to test out the strength of the steel cage, so he offers Henry the chance to face Steve Austin in a non-title match, and he’ll rocket to the top of the WWF if he’s victorious. Vince is feeling it tonight. 3 for 3.
Funaki & Teoih v. The Hardy Boyz
DAAAAAAAAAMN! The Kaientai guys are actually back into their regular wrestling gear again here instead of the stupid grunge outfits. Cornette notes that Jeff just turned 20 years old. For those who have trouble telling them apart, the Hardyz have their names in big ugly letters on their asses. Jeff quickly gets double-teamed in the Japanese corner and Teoih flies up with a cross body for two. Funaki pounds on Jeff in the corner and hits a running elbow into a bulldog, but Jeff comes back with a double dropkick and it’s over to Matt. Double monkey flips out of the corner and Jeff springboards off Matt with a dive onto Kaientai, which he fucks up badly and nearly dies on the ramp. Back in, Funaki with a snap suplex on Matt and Teoih tries to hit Matt with the flag, but it misses and hits Funaki, and the Hardyz finish with stereo splashes at 3:31. They went a million miles an hour and it was GREAT. This is exactly what Kaientai should have doing all along because Matt and Jeff could easily keep up with the style. 4 for 4.
Meanwhile, Michael Cole goes looking for Austin, who still isn’t here.
Billy Gunn v. Skull & 8-Ball
So Gunn randomly came out to team with Steve Austin on RAW in a match that I distinctly remember as one of the lamest mystery partner payoffs ever, and it was the first uneasy sign that they wanted to push Gunn as a single. So this is his punishment from Vince. He quickly hits one of the DOA with a fameasser, but walks into a double slam and they put the boots to him. It’s a boring beatdown from DOA that gets two and they keep picking him up before finally putting him away with a flapjack at 3:25. The other D-X guys make the save, but Southern Justice attack THEM. Total waste of time that didn’t tell us anything new. 4 for 5.
Vince McMahon heads out with Taker and Kane for that cage match, but we cut backstage to a pissed off Chyna beating up Mark Henry with a lead pipe for insinuating that they’re dating. And then Vince turns around to find out that the guy setting up the cage is STEVE AUSTIN, and he delivers a beating before the Brothers can get in and save. Great angle, if a well-worn one. 5 for 6.
Hell of a pre-show!