The Coliseum Video Rant 2018: WWF’s Funniest Moments!
(Originally released 02.27.91)
Hosted by Sean Mooney.
They’re using Comic Sans for the title font, so you know it’s WACKY.
Ball and Chain Match: Bobby Heenan v. Big Bossman
Bobby tries apologizing for all his off-color remarks about Bossman’s mother in his pre-match promo and swears that he spoke to her before the match and worked things out. So now all Bossman has to do is go to the back and pick up the phone, because she’s waiting to hear from him. Bossman appears to think it over, and then puts Bobby down with a big boot and pins him with one foot at 2:52. 2:40 of that was Bobby’s speech, by the way. 0 for 1. Before Bossman can do much damage with the promised ball-and-chain, Mr. Perfect makes the save and gets chased off.
The Gobbledygooker returns after Survivor Series and dances with Mike McGuirk, and that’s about the entire segment. 0 for 2.
Oh no, not quite, because we then get ANOTHER stupid appearance at another taping, and this time he dances with the Fink. Like, what was even the POINT of the character? 0 for 3.
Rhythm & Blues v. The Bushwackers
Well this should certainly increase the quality levels. Luke works on Honky’s arm to start, but Honky goes to the eyes and pounds on him. Luke bites the arm to end that comeback and they stall and stall and stall. Did I mention the stalling? Because the heels do a bunch of it as well and I wouldn’t want to short-change them. Finally Hammer elbows Luke down after about 3:00 of stalling, but the Wackers double-team him and work the arm. Butch gets caught in the heel corner and Honky slugs away on him, but the heels collide. And then they just hit Luke with another cheapshot and Honky gets two. Hammer with a backbreaker for two and the crowd is deader than a Dino Bravo match. Honky with a chinlock as the endlessly dull heat segment continues and Hammer drops an elbow for two. The heels collide again and it’s lukewarm tag to Butch and everyone is running wild. Well, metaphorically running. Honky grabs a chair and Luke steals it and chases him back to the locker room and gets counted out at 13:05. They couldn’t even book a finish to THIS shitty feud? 0 for 4. This was like Heroes of Wrestling bad.
So we’re halfway through this tape and I have no idea where the “funny” moments are supposed to come from.
Speaking of which, it’s BLOW AWAY. 1 for 5.
Playboy Buddy Rose v. Mario Mancini
Buddy brings a scale with him and claims that it reads 217 pounds, and then picks it up and asks Fink to read it for him. Of course, it reads 317 pounds, regardless of the fact that you can’t read a scale if you’re not standing on it. Rose gets a hiptoss and works a headlock while the announcers make assorted fat jokes about him, but Mancini dropkicks him out to the floor. Back in, Rose hits Mancini with a couple of butt splashes and sits on him for two. Rose goes to the chinlock, but Mancini gets a small package for two. He misses a splash, however, and Rose suplexes him and finishes with a backbreaker at 6:10. Just a match. 1 for 6.
Brother Love is missing, apparently to be played by Roddy Piper for this week’s segment. Last week, Rick Rude threw mouthwash in his eyes and destroyed him on the set, so this week Piper gets his revenge by putting Brother Love in a diaper and leading him out on a rope. 1 for 7.
And then they recycle a bit from a previous Coliseum Video, as Mean Gene visits the Bushwackers in the outback and we get all the wraparound bits that were introducing their matches on the other tape. Gene eats some kind of bird with them and goes a little nuts. 1 for 8.
Brother Love interviews Ultimate Warrior leading up to Wrestlemania VII, and Warrior vows to end Brother Love’s career in preparation. So he tears the set apart like a madman, and then chases Love down to the ring, beats the holy hell out of him once and for all, and thankfully retires the character for quite a few years. Brother Love was WAY past his expiration date as a character anyway and this was a fine blowoff for it. 2 for 9.
Jesus, can you imagine paying $50 for this bullshit in 1991? I rate this one…
BECAUSE IT’S THE WORST!