The SmarK Rant for WWF Sunday Night Heat–08.16.98

The SmarK Rant for WWF Sunday Night Heat – 08.16.98

At the suggestion of many, I’m switching from star ratings to the point system for these.

Your hosts are Shane McMahon & Jim Ross

WWF tag team titles: Mankind & Kane v. LOD 2000

Droz debuts as Animal’s partner here, given that Hawk is “in no condition to compete” tonight. Droz cleans house to start, but walks into a DDT from Mankind and the champs take over. Kane pounds on Droz, but Mankind misses a blind charge and Droz clotheslines him out of the corner and makes the hot tag to Animal. That was a pretty heatless heat segment. Mick brings in a chair and Animal slams him onto it, but walks into the mandible claw, before Kane finishes him with the tombstone at 3:16. Boring and sloppy. 0 for 1.

Jacqueline calls out Sable, who comes out and insults Jackie’s perfume and calls her a hooker. From this, we get to an arm-wrestling contest challenge somehow. 0 for 2.

Edge v. Brian Christopher

Christopher and Scott Taylor had just formed “Too Much”, which is of course miles away from where they ended up. Christopher slugs away in the corner, but Edge takes him down an electric chair and dumps him to the floor with a clothesline. Christopher gets run into the post via his crotch, but Edge goes to the apron and Christopher puts him on the floor with a sunset flip powerbomb. Also, Dustin Rhodes is walking around the arena with a “He Is Coming Back” sign. Christopher gets a bulldog on the way back into the ring, and that gets two, but he goes up and Edge catches him with a spinebuster. Spear and he makes the comeback, but Brian gets the Stroke and goes up. Legdrop misses and Edge finishes him with the Downward Spiral at 4:41. This was fine. 1 for 3.

Vader v. “Lefty” Bart Gunn

Vader slugs away in the corner and puts Gunn down for a splash that gets two. Bart comes back with an impressive delayed suplex, but Vader clotheslines him and puts him in a Fujiwara armbar. They fight to the floor and the Godfather runs in for the DQ at 2:36 since they’re in the semi-finals of the Brawl for All on RAW. This was hella-awkward. 1 for 4.

Speaking of awkward, they do a video package for a Severn-Shamrock match on RAW the next night, but it’s letterboxed for some reason. And instead of cropping the picture, it’s just squished into widescreen.

Gangrel v. Scott Taylor

This is the debut for Gangrel, in fact, complete with awesome music and blood-spitting. Gangrel pounds on Taylor, but Scott comes back with a slam and does some dancing. Gangrel quickly finishes him with the Implant DDT at 1:30. Good enough. 2 for 5.

Tiger Ali Singh is here to demonstrate how stupid Americans are by offering $500 to anyone who will come in and eat a worm. Too bad Boogeyman wasn’t in the audience. Tiger Ali was no Ted Dibiase, to be sure. 2 for 6.

HHH & X-Pac v. Southern Justice

JR is all “D-X set us all up and we all fell for it last week!” in regards to their “split” where they mooned everyone instead. I can speak confidently that literally no one watching the show fell for that in the least. Thankfully SJ have now tweaked their outfits so that they’re not just wrestling in suits this week. Knight gets a clothesline on X-Pac to start, but a leg lariat turns the tide and D-X works on Knight in the corner. HHH uses the knee for two, but Canterbury comes in and beats him down in the corner. HHH with a neckbreaker and X-Pac comes back in and runs wild with the broncobuster on Knight, but walks into a clothesline and it’s BONZO GONZO. The heels double-team Hunter on the announce table, and Jeff Jarrett runs in for the DQ at 4:00. This show is like an exercise in how many times I can write “such and such runs for the DQ”. 2 for 7.

Main Event Interview: The Undertaker is here to meet Austin at the intersection of the Highway to Hell and take the WWF title. Austin comes out to answer, but KANE IS HERE and oh wait the show is over.