The SmarK Rant for NXT–09.05.12

The SmarK Rant for NXT – 09.05.12

Well thankfully the Jinder-riffic NXT title tournament is done with and we can move onto other things.

Taped from Orlando, FL

Your hosts are Byron Saxton & William Regal

Richie Steamboat v. Kassius Ohno

They trade chops to start and the crowd is pretty dead for this already, so I’m wondering if its at the end of the taping cycle. Steamboat charges and hits knee, but puts Ohno down with chops until the dreaded EYEPOKE turns the tide. Steamboat keeps fighting, but Ohno rakes the eye again and gets DQ’d at 2:38. That’s it? Ohno knees him to the floor after the match, then drags him in and puts him down with an elbow to the head for fun as well. Now, I know for sure that one of the matches between these two had a spot where Richie does a skin-the-cat and manages to injure his back in the same way that ended his dad’s career, but he was still around for a couple of months after this at least. ½* Ricky Steamboat charges into the ring and he’s FIRED UP about his son getting mauled, which is a storyline that I don’t think ever paid off despite the awesome setup.

The WWE App! It’s swell!

Audrey Marie v. Paige

William Regal can have his “raven haired beauty”, my eye candy is on the other side of the ring. Once again, Tyler Breeze, you are a lucky son of a bitch.  Audrey works a headlock, but Paige takes her down and steps on the hair, triggering a CATFIGHT. Audrey wraps her up with a rolling bodyscissors for two while Regal waxes philosophical about how watching them tussle just makes him think of a couple of “knockbacks” who wouldn’t go out with him. Paige gets all fired up and shrieks to set up the DDT now called the RamPaige at 2:46. God, Paige looks night and day here as compared to now. *

Meanwhile, Ohno goes full douchebag on Ricky Steamboat (“WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, ARMDRAG ME?! Don’t throw your back out!”) Wow, they really missed the boat when they let Hero get away for five years, that was an AMAZING heel line.

“Showtime” Percy Watson v. Leo Kruger

Kruger is starting to tweak his gimmick at this point, basically doing a soft reboot after a “trip to South Africa” and going with a “Kraven The Hunter” ripoff character ala King Cuerno in Lucha Underground. Kruger attacks Watson and pounds him in the corner, but he misses a charge and Watson makes his comeback with his one good move: The dropkick. So he does it twice before hitting a splash for two. What? He said “Showtime!” before he did it, that should be a guaranteed killer! Kruger finishes him with a neckbreaker thingie at 3:00. This Kruger 2.0 was still a loser gimmick. Basic squash for Kruger here. ½*

Meanwhile, on RAW, they focus on the stupid Cena v. Del Rio falls count anywhere match building up to the Cena-Punk title match that no one gave a shit about, but the REAL story from that episode was Kane and Daniel Bryan being forced to attend Anger Management class and then hugging it out to form a tag team by the end of the show, which literally altered the course of the business.

Brodus Clay v. Ryan Collins

Usual 40 second squash for Brodus, except in NXT. DUD Oddly enough, the jobber shares a name with the guy eventually linked to leaking the celebrity pictures in what was known as The Fappening.

The Usos v. The Ascension

I guess this is our main event. Huzzah. The Ascension get chased out of the ring multiple times and RAW ROLLS ON as we take a break. Back with the Ascension beating on the Uso that JR assumes is Jimmy, but he’s not 100% sure. So that goes on for a while. And by that I mean they fucking headlock the shit out of Jimmy Uso for SEVEN MINUTES. Finally they go straight to the hot tag to Jey and he tosses Conor, but goes up and gets crotched by Kenneth Cameron and pinned with a neckbreaker at 9:20. “Great matchup!” declares Jim Ross. Fuck off, you didn’t even know which Uso was which. DUD

Seth Rollins is out to talk about his new life as champion of NXT, and he declares that NXT stands for “fighting champion”. Well, clearly acronyms aren’t his strong point. And that’s the show.

Kassius Ohno steals the show this week, no contest.