The SmarK Rant for Extreme Championship Wrestling–09.20.94

The SmarK Rant for Extreme Championship Wrestling – 09.20.94

The Network skips the 09.13.94 show, if there even was one. Anyway, these continue to do really well on the blog, so we’ll carry on for the time being. We’re getting into the period where the ECW mutants on RSPW, led by Dave Scherer, started getting really insufferable with the rambling style of recap where they would detail their Taco Bell orders before the show and stuff.

We open with a recap of Shane Douglas throwing down the NWA title and declaring himself the ECW World champion.

Meanwhile, Shane and his new ally Doink (who unmasks as Matt Borne) cuts a promo letting us know that they’re the Alpha and Omega and Borne will wear clown makeup and still kick your ass. I’m frankly shocked Vince didn’t try to sue Heyman into the stone age for using the Doink gimmick and mannerisms.

Taped in Philly.

Hosted by Joey Styles (who is HIGH ABOVE the arena and not in Heyman’s basement, you know).

Another recap, this time of Cactus & Mikey upsetting the Public Enemy to win the tag titles. As we learned in the last Observer Flashback, it was actually booked to be Terry Funk, but he missed his flight.

Meanwhile, Jack lets Mikey know that they might be champions, but that doesn’t make them great. Jack reminds Mikey that Sting got mad at him once (“He knocked your teeth out?”) and so did Vader (“He ripped your ear off?”) and Public Enemy is also mad now, so Mikey is probably gonna die now.

Cactus Jack & Mikey Whipwreck v. Chris Canyon & Dino Sendoff

Very early in the career of Canyon, who was RIPPED here and probably could have got over had he stayed in ECW. Dude was tall and built and could do spotfests all day, he should have been a star. Canyon dominates Mikey, but the champs dump him to the floor with a double clothesline. Over to Sendoff, who looks every lumpy jobber from Mid-South and quickly gets destroyed by Jack. And then Public Enemy runs in and attacks for the DQ at 2:20. Cactus quickly saves Mikey and DDTs both PE guys at the same time while Styles declares that the rematch is going to be “one of the greatest tag team matches in the history of Philadelphia.” Well don’t oversell it or anything, Joey.

2 Cold Scorpio v. “Stormin’” Mike Norman

Scorpio cuts a lame promo before the match, still doing the WCW character instead of the arrogant ass who got over later. Scorpio quickly hits a slam into the twisting legdrop for two. He works the arm, but Norman comes back with an elbow before Scorpio cradles for two. Corner splash and moonsault get two, but he picks him up and superkicks him down again before finishing with the 450 at 2:50.

Last week: The Rockin’ Rebel and Chad Austin EXPLODE.

Ever looked up Rockin’ Rebel on People are ANGRY about him. Here’s a sample comment:

[0.0] “One of the worst wrestlers who ever stepped foot in a ring. First off he only gets booked because he holds a PA state promoters license and insurance. He holds people up for money and shuts down shows by calling the state to report them because they don’t use his promoters license. He’s more interested in finding a rat to screw then his work in the ring. He’s not much in the ring. A Hogan Leg drop and some back chops along with a 20 minute promo calling woman in the crowd pigs ( yeah , that will get you some) and being a racist. Cheap heat. Looks like someone who should be dropping the kids off in for soft ball practice in his mini van than in the ring. Juiced out pot bell and saggy looks. He should wrestle in a sports bra. Well past his prime if he ever had one. Once formed Ruckus to eat chicken and watermelon during a match might be one of the most disgusting shows of racism in the business. Listen to Tommy Dreamer RF shoot where he told a story that Paul E told him he was winning a battle royal and going against Shane Douglas for the title in the Main event. The whole locker room was in on this rib and all ganged up on him and threw him out first and showed him the door. He mows lawns for a living and plays wrestler on the weekends now, but you’ll only see him in small PA and DE shows where he cons people into renting his insurance.”

That’s a pretty funny rib, though.

ECW TV title: Jason (The Sexiest Man Alive) v. Rockin’ Rebel

Malenko immediately attacks Rebel’s arm before the bell, and Jason goes to work on it and chokes him out in the corner, but Rebel comes back and slugs away in the corner. Blind charge misses and Jason pins him in the corner at 1:30.

ECW World title: Shane Douglas v. Osamu Nishamura

Matt Borne’s new gimmick is wearing half clown makeup, plus a Big Josh vest. They trade waistlocks to start while Scorpio scouts the match at ringside. Nishimura with a hiptoss while Styles tells a story about Douglas being honored at a sports banquet the night before in New York where he insulted Mark Messier and the New York Knicks. I somehow don’t see Douglas in 1994 getting honored on the same show as Patrick Ewing. Nishimura controls with a chinlock on the mat and cradles him for two, but Douglas reverses for two. Nishimura works the leg and applies a variety of holds, but Shane makes the ropes. Nishimura with a spinkick and dropkick for two, and a german suplex gets two. Nishimura goes up with a missile dropkick for two, and the abdominal stretch rollup gets two. Small package gets two. Shane hits a Perfectplex for the pin out of nowhere at 7:44. Osamu was bringing the WORKRATE here and as usual Shane is booked to hit one move and win and we’re supposed to think he’s a wrestling legend on the level of Flair. ***

The Tazmaniac v. Surfer Ray Odyssey

Odyssey is one of the leftovers of the Tri-State era that finally got weeded out as ECW evolved. Odyssey dumps Taz and follows with a dive, but misses a dropkick and hits the post instead. Taz beats on him with a chair, but Odyssey goes low on the way back into the ring and goes up with a somersault for two. Even Joey is like “I don’t know what he was going for there, but I guess it was effective.” Back up with a missile dropkick, but Taz hits him with the exploder to finish at 2:35. Ray was working hard, no doubt, but there wasn’t much to this one. *1/2

And we finish with 911 chokeslamming Paul Lauria and then poor Pee Wee Moore to close the show.

They were still booking and producing very conventionally compared to how crazy things got in 1995, but it’s a very watchable show.