The Coliseum Video Rant 2018 – WWF World Tour ‘90
This is another one with “technical difficulties” so there’s probably more music shit to deal with.
Hosted by Sean Mooney. The concept here should be easy enough to understand.
Jimmy Snuka is the subject of the Superstar Profile, and he cuts a nonsensical promo for us to set the stage.
Jimmy Snuka v. Boris Zhukov
What a way to kick off the tape! We’re going to the exotic locale of “Long Island” for this clash of gladiators. What a mysterious and wonderful place it must be. For reasons not adequately explored, Jimmy Hart is managing Boris here. Boris attacks and gets dumped, and Snuka hits a bodypress for two and chops him down. Zhukov catches him with an elbow to the back of the head for two and follows with a clothesline for two and goes to the chinlock. However, during this lull in the action, we do find out the reason for Jimmy’s managing here: Boris is subbing for a flu-ridden Honky Tonk Man. That’s pretty much a lateral move in the ring, I guess. Snuka fights back with chops, but Boris chokes him out on the ropes and goes back to the chinlock. Snuka fights out of this predicament, gets rid of Jimmy Hart, and then finishes with the Superfly splash at 7:20. 0 for 1.
Honky Tonk Man v. Jimmy Snuka
Thank god, we get this match after all. So we’re going back to the old country for this one, with a garden setting in the city of York. Or rather, “New” York. In Madison Square Garden. But still, very exotic. Snuka dominates with his usual stuff for a bit, but misses a charge and Honk takes over. Snuka stops to threaten Jimmy Hart and they fight on the floor, which results in Honky hitting the post. Jimmy kicks Snuka in the ribs, however, and Snuka misses a splash on the way back in. Honky gets two and goes to the chinlock off that. Snuka fights back, but Honky suplexes him in from the apron and follows with a piledriver. This apparently means it’s time for the Shake Rattle and Roll, but he literally spends more than a minute walking around the ring and bragging to the fans about it, which allows Snuka to make the comeback and finish with the flying headbutt at 10:25. Marginally better than the Boris match. Finish was weird because Honky was oriented the wrong way, so you could see Snuka trying to adjust his leap in mid-air and then settling for a headbutt on the way down instead. 0 for 2.
Fan Favorite Match: Bret Hart v. Dino Bravo
This was requested by Carl Murphy from Port Washington, NY, and that’s obvious proof that wrestling is fake because what person in their right mind would request to watch a Dino Bravo match? This is from London and Bret is over like rover here. Bravo overpowers him to start, but Bret comes back with a bodypress for two and follows with clotheslines to send Bravo to the outside. He decides to take pity on us and walk out on the match, but sadly Jimmy Hart talks him into continuing. What an asshole. They spend thousands of dollars to erase to entrance music from these, but they won’t sink some money into digitally removing Dino Bravo matches? I feel like if CGI has improved to the point where Thanos can be a fully realized character in the Avengers movie, they can replace Dino with, like, Ted Dibiase or something. Back in, Bret works the arm, but Bravo uses the clobbering forearms and then bumps Bret off the apron and into the railing, which I BELIEVE is the infamous spot where Bret breaks his ribs. Back in, Bravo drops an elbow and goes to the chinlock, and follows with a clothesline for two. Bret with a backslide for two, but Bravo bearhugs him and runs him into the turnbuckles for two. You seriously have to give Bret credit here for bumping his ass off in an effort to get something out of Bravo. Bravo with the bearhug, but Bret fights out with elbows and then goes up, and then misses a middle rope elbow. Bravo goes AERIAL with the flying clubbing forearm, but Bret nails him on the way down and makes the comeback. Legdrop gets two. Small package gets two. Backbreaker gets two. Bret with a rollup, but Bravo blocks it, only to make the mistake of pointing to his head to indicate his intelligence, at which point Bret dropkicks him to the floor and follows with a pescado. Bravo beats the count and suplexes Bret back in, but Bret reverses to a rollup, and Bravo grabs the tights and pulls him over for the pin at 15:41. So there you go, proof of a good Bravo match. 1 for 3.
Meanwhile, in Brussels, Hulk Hogan does publicity for No Holds Barred, which sets up a tour of Europe with Lord Alfred Hayes.
Manager’s Profile with Jimmy Hart. Apparently the issue with the Bushwackers is part of a bigger epidemic of people sneaking into Rhythm & Blues concerts without paying.
The Rockers v. The Rougeau Brothers
Some quality pun work from Mooney to set this one up, as this is from France and the teams are just waiting to “escargot at it.” They say that puns are the lowest form of humor, but those people just aren’t trying hard enough. Rougeaus do some stalling and running away to start, and the Rockers work on Ray’s leg while Gorilla and Alfred reminisce about the old days of working in France for a crooked promoter. Funny run with Hebner getting distracted by the Rougeaus while the Rockers switch off without tags behind his back, which angers the Rougeaus even more. I love little touches like that in tag matches and I miss them these days. Who would ever accuse Shawn Michaels of being a liar, or Marty Jannetty of breaking laws?
Sadly, Shawn eventually gets too cute and the Rougeaus double-team him in turn, holding him by the mullet in their corner and beating on him. Ray slams him onto Jack’s knee for two, and a double-team elbow follows. Ray uses the MONTREAL MARTIAL ARTS to put Shawn on the floor with a savate kick, and goes to a chinlock in the ring. Shawn takes his usual giant backdrop bump and the Rougeaus keep switching off on a facelock and we get the classic fight for the tag as the ring is cut off. Finally after a pair of false tags, Marty gets the hot tag and throws a kneelift on Jack, but the ref is busy. Backslide, still no ref, and that finally gets two. Gorilla is again on his “You need two referees” deal, but once he became President that sure ended, probably due to budget constraints placed on him. Jack with a piledriver while Ray is distracting the ref, but Shawn uses the same distraction to piledrive Jack in turn, and Marty gets the pin at 14:19. Very entertaining. 2 for 4.
WWF title: Ultimate Warrior v. Ted Dibiase
From the weird WWF/All Japan/New Japan “Summit” supershow in 1990. We went over this a lot in the Observer Flashbacks from that period, but basically Vince promised them a Hogan title defense and then switched the belt to Warrior and the Japanese were unimpressed. Warrior dumps Dibiase to start, as Vince notes that Virgil was prevented from being there, and he doesn’t get involved in international politics so he can’t speak to the reasons. Cough, cough. They criss-cross and Dibiase faceplants him and chops away to take over, then puts him down with a clothesline while the crowd is CLEARLY cheering for Dibiase. Dibiase with chops in the corner and he drops the fist, and a suplex gets two while the crowd reactions gets bigger with every move. Piledriver gets two, but Warrior makes his comeback and finishes with the big splash at 6:11. Huge disappointment, crazy crowd reaction aside. 2 for 5.
King Duggan v. Honky Tonk Man
Back to London for this one, as Honky runs away immediately and it’s stall stall stall until Duggan finally hauls him in to take over. Duggan MESSES UP THE HAIR and hits an atomic drop, then pounds on him in the corner before going after Jimmy and getting choked out as a result. Honky with a half-assed chinlock, but Duggan fights up before walking into a knee. Honky with a back elbow for two. Blind charge misses and Duggan makes the comeback and slugs away, before finishing with the three point stance at 9:05. Nothing to this one. 2 for 6.
WWF title: Hulk Hogan v. Randy Savage
And we finish the tape in Paris, as this “World Tour” has basically been two cities. Why not just show one of the cards in total? Hogan has Elizabeth in his corner for this, and they’re escorted by Pat Patterson and Terry Garvin, while Gorilla & Alfred bury them on commentary in a funny bit (“No idea who the security guards are, they look like a couple of short fat French guys. No one of any note.”). It always galled me at the time that Hogan was wearing Savage’s rightful belt, and it still stings. Savage runs away to start and the VICIOUS burial continues: “Say, Alfred, am I mistaken, or is that Terry Garvin back there?” “Yes, Terry Garvin is always around the back of something or other.”
So 4 minutes in and Savage is still stalling and cutting a promo and even the announcers are getting sick of it, and then finally Savage and Sherri just team up and beat on Hogan in the ring. So Hulk clears the ring while the idiot referee just lets it all happen, and he runs Sherri into Savage. Hogan slugs away as the match FINALLY starts and hits the corner elbow while Sherri shrieks at ringside, but Hulk goes after her AGAIN and Savage puts him on the floor with a high knee. Back in, Savage chokes him down and follows with the double axehandle for two. Savage with an endless chinlock, but Hulk fights out, but then goes after Sherri again and Savage gets a bad double axehandle for two. Hulk Up time, big boot, slap from Liz and legdrop finish at 11:57. This was “la horseshit” as the French say. 2 for 7.
Complete weak sauce on this one. Take a pass.