The Miz & John Morrison vs. CM Punk & Kane (WWE Tag Team Titles)
Like the rest of the Judgement Day card there’s a small attempt at making this match seem important before One Night Stand happens in two weeks. Clips of the one week of build and The Dirt Sheet impressions are shown with Miz going for the scat approach for Kane (”I’m lactose intolerant but still order the milkshakes from DQ…ughhhh!”) and Morrison going for everything for Punk (”I’ve got tickets for the NKOTB tour…be jealous.”). It takes the entirety of Punk’s entrance for Adamle to explain what the MITB contract means so if you thought he was improving, think again. Punk starts off with Miz but quickly tags in Kane as he has to come in and beat the shit out of his opponents first or he doesn’t get paid. Kane and Punk manage a nice Demolition Decapitation combo that gets a louder pop than Punk’s entrance. Morrison and Miz take over on Punk but it doesn’t last long until Kane tags in which was slightly weird. Kane destroys Miz and gets ready for a chokeslam and Morrison saves him with a chop-block. Miz gets to wear down Kane until Kane realises who he’s selling for and stops to tag in Punk. Morrison and Punk remind us why their feud last year was so good with some smooth sequences, ending with Punk diving on the outside to Miz then immediately take out Morrison with a springboard clothesline for two (with audible ”awwww”) from the crowd. Punk can’t get the GTS due to Miz so Kane gives him a chokeslam on the outside which distracts Punk, allowing Morrison to nail the Moonlight Drive for the win.
Winners and still WWE Tag Team Champions: The Miz & John Morrison (Completely skippable on a surprisingly decent show, just a bunch of stuff with no flow or heat segment. So that’s Miz, Morrison and Palumbo Punk has lost to since losing the MITB contract which would be re-named the IC Title during 2009-2013.)
We’re in Des Moine, Iowa and Armando starts the show with Morrison, Chavo, Punk and Dreamer who are the only active, former ECW Champions. They need to work out who’s going to be in the prestigious four-way singapore cane match at One Night Stand.
Miz asks the crowd not to boo as he has a headache…which he will ignore tonight as he’s pretty sure he can beat Kane tonight.
The Miz vs. Kane
”The man so cool his aura can be felt from outer space” gets torn apart like a Kleenex at a snot party, to the crowd’s delight. Miz’s mowhawk is amazingly douche-y. Miz manages to push Kane into the ring post after Kane blocked the first shot which fit Miz’s ”crap but smart” character. Miz continues attacking Kane, going as far as to block the chokeslam with his mild elbows and this hilariously angers Kane some more so he forgoes the chokeslam and tries to bend Miz so he snaps around the ringpost.
Kane ignores the ref’s five-count and gets DQ’d. Kane doesn’t care and drags Miz’s lifeless body into a chokeslam-for-real. Kane isn’t done so he attempts to Pillmanize Miz’s neck before Morrison saves him and the crowd booing Miz getting saved from death makes me genuinely laugh.
Winner via DQ: The Miz (Usually not a fan of the ”ignore the ref and get DQ’d” but it kept both guys looking good here in their own unique ways. JBL probably keeps a tape of this on him at all times.)
Kofi Kingston vs. Shelton Benjamin III
Shelton has lost twice to Kofi in two of Shelton’s best singles matches not involving ladders, let’s see if he can keep it up. Loud ”Kofi” chants to start as both guys feel each other out. Kofi counters a frankensteiner into an armdrag, Shelton counters a ten-punch in the corner to a Rollins-rough corner dump.
Kofi holds his hamstring so Shelton jumps on that bodypart like he’s Davey Boy Smith Jr. over-hearing Jake Roberts say Summerslam 1992 was over-rated. Kofi’s able to shrug Shelton off but it’s with a dropkick so it takes just as much out of Kofi as it does Shelton. Kofi sets up the BOOM BOOM but Shelton turns it into a roll-up in mid-air and that looked GREAT, lemme rev up the GIF machine.
Shelton continues to work over Kofi with a single crab but he gets cocky (as he does) and tries for a Stinger Splash but misses. Kofi tries for the SOS but Shelton knows it’s coming so he fakes him out so he can hit the Paydirt to finally give Kofi his first loss.
Winner: Shelton Benjamin (I love feuds where spots from previous matches are played on, here Shelton knew Kofi could hit the SOS from anywhere so he tricked Kofi into hitting air before finishing him. Kofi is a perfect opponent for Shelton as he has the charisma to make the crowd care about his cool moves rather than just going ”oh that was athletic.”)
Colin Delaney & Kelly Kelly vs. Mike Knox & Layla
Kelly & Layla start and it’s actually tolerable outside of being able to tell the exact moment Kelly remembers the next spot. You could overdub the Metal Gear Solid alert sign and you’d think it was on the show. Knox breaks up a pin-fall attempt and hurls Delaney outside brutally.
Kelly quickly gets a Rocker Dropper to end it. Knox isn’t happy so he yet again nails the Knox Knox Who’s There Braden Walker after the match.
Winners: Colin Delaney & Kelly Kelly (but wait!)
Armando shows up again because he wants to eat Delaney for the gains.
Ah-man-is-he-big Estrada vs. Colin Delaney
Elevated (levels of testosterone) reverse DDT, pin.
Winner: Armando Estrada (The more Colin gets beat, the more the crowd love him. Sadly for Colin the more the crowd loves him, the bigger Armando gets.)
CM Punk & Tommy Dreamer vs. Chavo Guerrero & John Morrison
Dreamer and Morrison start but never mind that, where’s Bam Neely? Don’t tell me he’s gone already? *googles* No, sadly he’s still here. Dreamer splats Morrison with a Reverse Powerbomb and the crowd go nuts for Tommy. Punk vs. Chavo involves Chavo getting suplexed and back-broken. Chavo is walking with a limp but he doesn’t have the excuse of being hungover like he did last time he was on TV. Adamle tries to put over Tazz’s singapore cane matches he had in ECW but he gets shut-down immediately. ”I never had any.” Tazz is at least playful with Adamle, unlike Punk who squishes Chavo with a dive to the outside. Morrison grabs Punk as he’s entering the ring and dunks him with an Electric Chair Drop. When we return from break, Rusev vs. Undertaker is back on and Morrison is working over Punk’s leg. Adamle has this habit of calling Punk ”CM” and I don’t recall anyone else doing it and it’s annoying the hell out of me. Adamle calls it a ”singamore” cane so maybe he should stick with CM, I dunno. Punk continues to get punted by Morrison as the chants refuse to start for him. Eventually Punk realises this is a Tommy Town and he gets the running Bulldog on Morrison and ”baton down the proverbial hatches!” as Dreamer waddles in. Pump handle suplex to Morrison, Morrison misses a springboard, tries the Moonlight Drive but Dreamer counters to a DDT. That was lovely. Chavo sadly makes the save so Punk takes him and Chavo out the ring so Dreamer can land the E-gasp-C-wheeze-W Tree of Woe. Chavo pulls Morrison up at the last minute however and gets the Frog Splash to win the match.
Winners: John Morrison & Chavo Guerrero (Decent headliner that won’t be watched again but the crowd were really into Dreamer so it was good to listen to. But wait!)
The Big Show plods out and proceeds to chokeslam everybody. Show gets the mic and reminds us that HE’S an active former ECW Champion and he’s inserting himself into the match at ONS before giving Dreamer another chokeslam just because.
Overall: Ignoring the fact that Punk has lost a lot of steam and crowd love since winning MITB, this was a fun episode with the mid-card feuds established while the main event is centred around DAS GIMMICK PPV that has to be dealt with before normal service can resume. We’re getting there!
I’ve been Maffew and here’s Botchamania 365, the longest BM I’ve ever made. Thanks Wrestlemania.