The SmarK Rant for EXTREME Championship Wrestling–09.06.94

The SmarK Rant for EXTREME Championship Wrestling – 09.06.94

So after the debacle of last week, where Shane Douglas threw down the NWA World title, the show has been re-branded to move away from the regional feel of “Eastern Championship Wrestling”.

Taped from the Bingo Hall in Philly.

Your host is Joey Styles

We start with a brief history of the Public Enemy and all their monkeyshines. This brings us up to present day, as Terry Funk and Cactus Jack were supposed to challenge them for the tag titles, but Funk missed his plane. So Tommy Dreamer volunteered to be the partner, and Public Enemy attacked him and put him through a table. So Jack went out and got…Mikey Whipwreck. Mikey wants no part of this, of course.

ECW tag team titles: The Public Enemy v. Cactus Jack & Mikey Whipwreck

So funny to see the wacky comedy duo of Public Enemy portrayed as vicious “hoodies” and monster heels. If it was in Saskatchewan, they’d be vicious bunny hugs. Even with Joey Styles doing his best to put them over as dangerous threats, I don’t think many people ever bought them at that level. Mikey tries to run away after a lengthy stall by the champions, leaving Jack to be double-teamed alone. They beat him down in the corner, but Mike returns with a board of indeterminate origin and makes the save, which causes Joey to declare that he’s now a man. I’d say that once he went crazy and formed that team with Tajiri, he was a man, but not yet. Mikey comes in and Jack whips him into Rocco, and then Cactus uses Mikey as a battering ram to put Rock on the floor. Mikey gets some offense with dropkicks and a backdrop on Grunge and they all brawl to the floor. Mikey brings a chair into the ring, but Grunge DDTs him on it, and Joey declares it OVER. But then Grunge gives him a suplex for two and Rocco comes in with a legdrop for two. Powerslam gets two. Grunge with a flapjack for two. Demolition elbow gets two. Jack finally just comes in and they all brawl again, as Jack grabs crutches from a fan and beats on Rock, and they end up way over by the wall, as TPE double-teams Jack and then drags him back to the ring to finish him off. They put him on a table and Rock moonsaults him through it. They set up Mikey for the Drive By to finish him, but Jack shoves Rock off the top and Mikey rolls him up for the pin and the titles at 14:00. Huge reaction for that. Match was nothing, just a bunch of sloppy stuff from Public Enemy and brawling into the crowd as smoke and mirrors. **

Meanwhile, the new champions do their victory promo, and Mikey is terrified of being a champion again because he promised his mother that he wouldn’t win another title out of fear that he’ll end up like Jack. Here’s what he actually ended up like:

Last week, Tommy Dreamer gets screwed over by the Sandman and Woman, but he takes the caning like a man. This sets up an “I Quit” match for the ECW Arena, and Sandman does a funny promo where Woman is nagging him about quitting and he’s like “YOU SEE WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH?”

Chris Benoit v. Chad Austin

Austin is a “protégé” of Jason and he manages to fight off Benoit with a dropkick and stomp him down, but Benoit dropkicks him to the floor and Austin gets some advice from Rockin’ Rebel. Back in, Benoit quickly hits him with a suplex and finishes with a tombstone piledriver and diving headbutt at 3:30. Note to self: Don’t get wrestling advice from Rockin’ Rebel. Total squash for Benoit. The jobbers get into an argument afterwards and Jason turns on him, and no one cares about any of this anyway. *

ECW TV title: Jason (The Sexiest Man On Earth) v. JT Smith

Dean Malenko is seconding Jason, as a part of his new stable, and to get over his Shooter gimmick, he takes out Smith’s knee behind the ref’s back, allowing Jason to quickly destroy it. Dean was SHOOTING on him, you see. JT comes back with his own legdrag, but Jason hits him with a knee crusher, only to have his knee give out on a slam attempt and Jason falls on top for the pin at 1:51. Another nothing match. I never got Jason’s midcard push, as he sucked as a manager and as a worker. ½*

We review the NWA title situation with terrible overdubbed generic rock music, and Shane Douglas introduces Matt “Borne Again” Osborne as his backup. Man, that didn’t last long, but Borne had issues, as we all know about.

Not exactly a roaring start to the true ECW era, but the tag title change was pretty fun.