The SmarK Rant for WCW Saturday Night – 04.11.92
(Originally written 04.06.18)
Your hosts are Jim Ross & K. ALLEN FREY!
We get some comments from the Freebirds and Taylor/Valentine to start, as Hayes quotes Poison and sounds like a total cool dad. Maybe they should have tried a grunge makeover?
Meanwhile, Big Van Vader kicks the shit out of Sting and gives him multiple splashes because he’s a dick and he’s awesome.
Big Van Vader v. Jim Boss & John Collins
Oh my god, might be the worst color commentator ever. He sounds like he’s reading off cue cards. He probably was. Vader just demolishes these two geeks, putting them down with clotheslines and a corner splash on the guy in blue, then he powerbombs the guy in yellow and pins them both at 1:35. I’d say he’s ready for Sting.
Meanwhile, we get a video recap of the Rude-Steamboat feud, and Frey is all about the RULES, and having them enforced. In fact, the video is so gruesome that they had to digitize it in order to protect the viewers.
The Steiner Brothers v. Randy Starr & John Peterson
Scott just stiffs the hell out of Starr to start and throws a release german on him, and then Rick comes in and tosses him, before Scott hits Peterson with a Frankensteiner to finish him off at 1:30.
Nikita Koloff v. Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker
JR and Frey discuss how mysterious Nikita has become, as Frey apparently negotiates with an anonymous voice on the phone when Nikita’s contract comes up. Nikita throws Parker around for a bit, but gets a nightstick in the gut and Sarge takes over. That goes nowhere and Koloff makes his comeback and flexes a lot before finishing with the shoulderblock and Sickle at 2:44. He wasn’t over at all here and this run was a pretty big flop for him.
Barry Windham v. Tracy Smothers
JR still won’t shut up about the Omni TOMORROW NIGHT. Windham works a headlock and gets a crossbody for two, but Tracy slugs away in the corner before getting punched to the floor. Barry grinds on a headlock, but Tracy uses a suplex to escape and some redneck karate to take over, but Barry cradles for two. They fight to the top and Barry finishes him with the superplex at 3:35. Usual phoned-in Windham match. *
WCW Magazine Update! With Eric Bischoff! Sting’s Squadron are ready to challenge the Dangerous Alliance at Wrestlewar, even thought Nikita Koloff is a WILD CARD. Such a wild card that he showed up at the photo shoot for the magazine cover and posed with them. Also, Great Muta is coming back, so here’s some footage from Starrcade ’89. Also, DDP is still obsessed with K. Allen Frey, and he’s promising that “Doc and Bamm Bamm” are coming. Huh, I guess that was the original plan for them to debut. Finally, “Bob Zimmerman” writes in with a question for Cactus Jack. Who knew Dylan was a wrestling fan?
JR and Frey discuss the renewed emphasis on the rules, like throwing someone over the top, managers interfering, hitting the ref, using the ringpost, foreign objects, and not breaking holds after five.
Ricky Steamboat joins us for an update on his broken nose, and they did a pretty good makeup job on him, all things considered. Frey thinks that Ricky actually had it coming for hanging Rude, and Ricky gets FIRED UP about it.
US tag team titles: Terry Taylor & Greg Valentine v. The Freebirds
The Birds clean house to start and Garvin slugs it out with Taylor, who was doing a weird Ted Dibiase ripoff gimmick as “The Taylor Made Man” at this point. Hammer comes in and gets double-teamed by the Birds, but Taylor trips up Hayes and Valentine drops an elbow for the pin at 4:01.
Second fall and Hayes is cool dad in peril as Valentine pounds on him, but a blind charge misses and Garvin comes in with a slam for two. Valentine takes him down and tries the figure-four, but Hayes sneaks in and hits a DDT on him, putting Garvin on top for the pin at 7:12. Pretty good finish there.
Third fall and Garvin gets an atomic drop and clothesline on Valentine for two, then goes to the chinlock. Over to Hayes, who slugs away on Taylor in the corner as even Jim Ross thinks he’s uncool. The champs take over on him and Valentine gets a backbreaker for two, followed by a double elbow for two. Hayes with a backslide on Taylor for two, but Hammer elbows Hayes down for two. Hammer goes to work on the leg, but Taylor misses a blind charge and Hammer has to come in and take care of things for him. Hayes reverses a suplex as this match is nearly putting me to sleep, and Taylor gets a chinlock. Finally Hayes fights out and it’s hot tag Garvin, who runs wild in generic fashion on Taylor with a slam for two. Hammer cuts him off with a backdrop suplex for two, and Taylor shoves Garvin into Hayes and rolls him up to retain at 16:34. Very, very dull stuff. *1/2 No idea why they didn’t just do the title switch here, because by the time they got to the PPV, no one cared about either team.
Next week: Larry Zbyszko v. Nikita Koloff! And Dusty Rhodes co-hosts.