The SmarK Rant for NXT–08.13.12

The SmarK Rant for NXT – 08.13.12

(Originally written 04.05.18)

Taped from Orlando, FL

Your hosts are William Regal, Byron Saxton & Jim Ross

Richie Steamboat is ready for Jinder Mahal, but Jinder doesn’t feel he’s ready for this jelly. Perhaps he’s too bootylicious. I guess we’ll find out.

I should note Bryon notes “we are down to the proverbial final four in the tournament.” Um, I don’t think there’s anything “proverbial” about it. There’s four guys left, that’s just basic math.

NXT title tournament semi-final #1: Richie Steamboat v. Jinder Mahal

Jinder slugs away in the corner and JR talks about how this the epitome of the career of “these kids” thus far. Kids? Jinder was already a DECADE into his career at this point! Jinder quickly goes to a chinlock, but Richie slugs out and they exchange a couple of hold reversals until Steamboat gets a sunset flip for two. They fight to the top and Jinder blocks a superplex, but Richie tries a senton and misses. Jinder finishes with the camel clutch at 4:44. Uh, that’s it? *1/2 This has been a colossal turd of a tournament.

Meanwhile, Leo Kruger vows revenge on those who wronged him in the tournament.

Heath Slater joins us to carry on his running feud with the legends, which brings out Scotty 2 Hotty. Didn’t they do the gag with Scotty on RAW or Smackdown around this time as well?

Heath Slater v. Scotty 2 Hotty

Scotty clowns around to start and raises the roof, but runs into a boot in the corner and Heath gets the heat. “He’s a silly ginger git,” notes Mr. Regal. Heath with the headlock and a neckbreaker gets two. Heath gets a few shots on the mat, but Scotty comes back with the bulldog and Worm at 3:53. Surprisingly, the Attitude Era babies in the crowd weren’t really into it. Complete nothing of a match. ½*

Speaking of complete nothings, Derrick Bateman consoles Bo Dallas after his loss to Jinder, and drops some Chumbawumba zen on him. He even promises that when he wins the NXT title, Bo will get the first shot. In fact, Bo can be his protégé!

The Usos v. The Ascension

The Usos double-team Kenneth Cameron with elbows, but Jimmy gets crotched in the corner and the Ascension takes over. “He ruptured his custard,” notes Regal. WHY IS THIS MAN NOT DOING COMMENTARY TODAY?! Conor drops an elbow for two, as does Kenneth. Seriously, isn’t “Kenneth Cameron” like, the least scary name for someone in a monster heel tag team ever? It sounds like the name of a TV injury lawyer. Conor comes in with a flapjack on Jimmy for two, but Jimmy gets the hot tag to Jey. So weird to hear this completely dead crowd in Full Sail, just watching the matches and not being particularly smarky. Jey goes up and Conor shoves him off the top rope, which is announced as a DQ for some reason at 4:40. I’m not entirely clear on what that finish was, exactly, and neither are the announcers. The Ascension then beat up an Uso and hit their finish on him anyway. So…why not just make that the finish of the match? I’ve never understood why WWE does that lame booking. Match was OK. **

Meanwhile, Hunico and Camacho clarify that they had a stomach virus and 117 degree temperature when they lost to Mike Dalton & Jason Jordan last week. Camacho also lost his burro.

Meanwhile, Raquel Diaz talks to her mirror.

NXT title tournament semi-final #2: Michael McGillicutty v. Seth Rollins

MM works the arm to start and they slug it out, but Michael runs away and catches Seth with a clothesline to the floor before following with a dive. Back in, that gets two. MM whips him corner to corner and Byron notes that he’s “standing tall over Seth Rollins” while in fact kneeling. COME ON, MAN. Be better! We take a break to learn about Being a STAR and return with MM still in control with a wristlock on the mat. Did you know that CM Punk used to be bullied as a kid? That would explain why he’s such an asshole now, I guess. Michael stomps away and uses “Perfect Axe-Like blows” to retain control. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, JIM. They note that Michael has finally found his identity and knows exactly who he is, a few months before he literally changed his name and identity. They slug it out as there’s just fuck all going on here, but Rollins makes the comeback and then misses a blind charge like a spaz. MM with a rolling necksnap and backdrop suplex for two. He snaps off a Saito suplex for two, as Regal notes that Saito personally taught him the move. Saito must be so proud to see his student working as the Miz’s cannon fodder today. They fight to the top as the crowd is doing the “Shah” thing and TRYING to be smart-asses, but they too are in developmental training, just like the wrestlers. They need some more chant seasoning first. Seth tries a powerbomb out of the corner, but Michael blocks him, so Seth tries again with the buckle bomb and curb stomp to finish at 10:40. Just a match. **1/4 Jinder Mahal comes out afterwards with Punjabi insults and he wants to settle things RIGHT NOW, but Dusty Rhodes interrupts them and allows Rollins to send Jinder packing.

Seriously, who thought it was a good idea to put JINDER MAHAL in the finals? This show needs to get better soon. DO BETTER, NXT!