I didn’t realise Backlash 2008 was after last week’s episode so here’s the relevant match!
Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero (ECW Title)
Adamle & Tazz are commentating so yes, Adamle commentated two TV shows and was deemed ready for PPV. He’s still speaking in half-sentences as he’s still trying to figure out who is who, so we get sentences like ”Chavo has a bodyguard…and there he is.” Match starts with Adamle getting the ref’s name wrong and Kane dominating as he does. Chavo gets a small advantage but Kane counters an Irish Whip with a big ol’ throw to the outside. Chavo tries to get the advantage but it’s Kane so he has to try a few times before eventually deciding to sell after Chavo pushes him off the top rope to the outside. Tazz mixes up Kane and Chavo and playfully blames it on Adamle. He then explains the count out rule to Adamle in case he didn’t know. Tazz was at least nice when mocking him. Chavo works over Kane’s leg and Neely slams it around the ringpost when Chavo distracts the ref, getting heat for Neely (Heely). Chavo continues to pound away on Kane, not realising that Kane is getting into position for an Electric Chair Drop and freaking when he realises. OK that was great. Chavo gets kicked in the fucking face and a sidewalk slam gets two. Kane connects with the Fall-Off-The-Top-Rope-And-Land-On-Feet-Then-Clothesline but Chavo shrugs it off to jump off the top with a DDT for two. Chavo does the Eddy shoulder-swagger which goes un-mentioned by the commentators and blocks a top rope clothesline with a Frog Splash…but lands right on Kane’s choke-slamming hand to get Goozled.
Winner and still ECW Champ: Kane (First half was artificially padded for time like The Garlic Jr. Saga but the second half picked up with some nice little bits. I wouldn’t recommend going out your way to see it or anything but it wasn’t bad.)
ECW On Sci-Fi #99 (even though I said last week’s was #99 but next week’s is #100 so I don’t know where I went wrong.)
We’re in Atlantic City, NJ and we still have Big Daddy V and Elijah Burke in the intro despite neither going to be making an appearance soon.
Shelton Benjamin vs. Kofi Kingston
Rematch from last week. ”Last week was a fluke, does that translate in Jamaican?” Shelton immediately takes it to Kofi and goes for pin-fall attempts straight away. Hell yeah, Shelton’s emoting! Kofi gets stretched across Shelton’s knee until he releases so he can knee him in the back. Shelton places Kofi on top for the Spiderman Suplex but Kofi sees it coming and pushes him off and nails a huge crossbody…which Shelton converts to a pin-fall attempt for two. Shelton gets an Electric Chair Drop for two but misses a charge in the corner and walks right into Trouble In Paradise for the loss.
Winner: Kofi Kingston (This was the most emotion I’ve seen Shelton display in the ring in forever, he really really really wanted to beat Kofi here and I enjoyed this so much I forgot about the commentators for a few minutes. Good stuff, hope this feud continues.)
Tommy Dreamer vs. Mike Knox
Oh this is a feud now? Knox slobberknocks Dreamer to start as Colin encourages the crowd to cheer for Tommy. Knox gets a chinlock (after thirty seconds) but makes up for it with a Saito Suplex. Knox doesn’t like the look of Colin so he decides to shove him into the ring steps. Dreamer goes to check on him and leaves himself wide open like an eejit so Knox pushes him into the steel post and pins him with the Hard Knox.
Winner: Mike Knox (Dreamer & Delaney did everything they could to make Knox look like a beast and it worked. He’s finally different to the 2006-7 version of himself.)
Matt Striker’s Class Room
What the hell is this doing back on TV? Striker uses big words to show he’s smart, Foley appears to remind us he’s the new Smackdown commentator. Striker mocks his appearance and this drags on and on and on until Foley distracts Striker by going ”is that Gore Vidal?” and gives him Socko.
Tazz saves the segment by giving Adamle Socko. Mike gets too excited and Tazz has to tell him to take it out of his mouth.
CM Punk vs. Chuck Palumbo
Nice of ECW to remember Punk belongs to them. Palumbo enters on his bike and that’s all he has going for him so I may as well mention it. They go back-and-forth until Chuck has to sell for Punk’s kicks and he dances around the place like Adam West in that one episode of Batman. Chuck takes over with his nothing-arse offence (clothesline! rear chinlock! back suplex!) and works over Punk with punches that Tazz tries to sell like he’s Anthony Joshua (who’d better win, dammit) before the ref stops the match because Chuck refuses to stop beating Punk up.
Winner via DQ: CM Punk (That’s right, they were using MITB-winning Punk to try to get CHUCK PALUMBO over. Palumbo had nothing interesting to offer here.)
Post-match Punk tries to attack Palumbo but Chuck beats him up again. Here’s a screenshot to prove I’m not lying.
RAW REBOUND: KOTR GM Regal gets disrespected by Kennedy so he cuts off the main event of Raw to fuck with everybody. Regal’s work here was top-notch, making the conclusion to this all the more frustrating.
Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero & Bam Neely
Before the match starts, Adamle leaves the announcer’s desk. He at least lasted longer than Joe Buck Live. Tazz follows after getting the plug for Rambo in so we bizarrely get no commentary for the main event. Not even the employees want to see Neely wrestle. Chavo gets beat up by Kane until Walmart Elgin tags in and er also gets beat up. Neely is there to distract the ref so Chavo can attack Kane behind the ref’s back. What a weird role for a big(ger than Chavo) guy. Kane sends Chavo to the outside so Neely can get a bit of distraction offence himself. I don’t think you should watch two Kane vs. Chavo matches in one day as I’m not digging this and sure as hell aren’t going to type play-by-play for a match with no play-by-play. Chavo gets the Frog Splash to win.
Winners: Chavo Guerrero & Bam Neely (Oh now this means this frigging feud continues and we get more Neely. Bam’s major contribution to the finish was kicking Kane a few times to block a chokeslam and then Chavo doing all the work afterwards.)
Overall: Kingston vs. Benjamin continues to deliver and Knox looked good (!!) so the idea of this episode was good, even if there was a lot holding it down. But there’s feuds and interesting things going on like Knox vs. Dreamer, Punk vs. Palumbo and Adamle vs. people with ears, and I’ll take uninteresting feuds over no feuds at all.
Thanks for reading, I’ll be appearing at Mediacon in Manchester later this year so here’s THE WORST PROMO PIC OF ALL TIME they decided to us. I guess it’s only fair people laugh at me looking bad but c’mon.